Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To find this a little bit strange

146 replies

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 13:18

My mil adores 3 year old dd, she's her only granddaughter and dd is lucky to have her, however I have found myself a bit confused about my mil's decision to go onto my Facebook (we are not friends on there as I wasn't aware she used it!) and save every single photo of dd, and me and dp.
I would understand if this had been because these photos had popped up in her news feed and she thought "oh what a lovely photo I'll save that" however when showing me some recent photos of dd she flicked through maybe 30 photos of dd, me and dp, and even dd with her godfather (dps best friend) basically she has saved every profile photo I have (they were the only ones people who aren't friends with me on there can see) saved every single one and not even added me.
Again,this would be understandable if she never saw dd, but she takes her at least once a week because she wants to see her and we all see them regularly. Why would you want photos of someone else's memory, and why an earth would you search someone out on Facebook. Save all their photos and not bother adding them.
She flicked through and dh said "where doped you get these from mum" to which she replied, "that was in dgd's godfathers page" pointing to the 1 photo of dd and her godfather, I couldn't help but find the other 20+ photos a little odd, I've at least learnt something from thus and have changed my privacy settings!
Maybe I am yet to understand and when I'm a grandma I'll do stuff like this, I just can't imagine doing it myself, unless it's a memory I've shared with someone, a special moment to look back on I don't get why I'd want the photo, I can't see myself hunting them out anyway.
I'm being unreasonable, aren't i?

OP posts:

Original poster

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 16:15

i am out out that she went on my Facebook, took my photos and didn't add me. Yes, that is what I find odd. Unless I ask why she has gone into my Facebook and taken photos but not added me I'll never know, and she wouldn't be at all happy if I asked her.
Oh well. Jesus wept. I really was just wonderig what you all would think and now I know :)

OP posts:

Drew64 · 14/01/2016 16:15

My DS is on FB as is my DW, MiL, FiL, My Brother, SiL, BiL....in fact most of my family (apart from my Dad because he is encouraged to STAY AWAY from tech)

NONE of them have added my DS.

I don't find it remotely suspicious.

She secretly does not like you, want to be your friend or follow you. She will be applying for sole custody of her DGD soon!

Original poster

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 16:17

There's no "apparently" about it. I took on board I was being unreasonable about the photos but still found it odd she wouldn't add me, considering she knows how to and went into my page.

OP posts:

Original poster

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 16:19

She has refused to give her back before, so maybe she would apply for custody if she thought she would get it.
She really should've had more than one child herself.
Still dd has a VERY loving nana, win win.

OP posts:

LilacSpunkMonkey · 14/01/2016 16:19

OP - AIBU?
Majority of posters - yes
OP - OK, I am BU
2 people - no, you're not BUSY
OP - I knew I wasn't but was waiting for validation from a tiny minority of people.

Same old, same old...

MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 16:20

Maybe cause she can see your stuff she thinks your friends already, maybe someone else helped her set it up and added people or they added her. I don't understand how you know how well she can use FB. Seems an assumption. She prob clicked on a photo, saw the save option and went hell for leather getting every pic of Dgd. Probably didn't think twice about etiquette.

Original poster

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 16:21

Lilac, I've said like 5 times fair enough, aibu but don't understand why she wouldn't add me, but hey aibu same old same old.

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 16:21

She has refused to give her back before, so maybe she would apply for custody if she thought she would get it.
She really should've had more than one child herself.
Still dd has a VERY loving

Well this is something else

Twindroops · 14/01/2016 16:23

I never add people, even people that I would chat with lots because my self-esteem is so low that I am worried they would "Ignore". I just hope they will add me one day. I wonder if it is actually her that has done the adding or is it other family members have added her.
If it is actually her that's done the adding then yes, weird she has excluded you (could you ask why even in a jokey way?)

My mum is just the opposite- "did you see that pic of DS I put on fb"? "Oh seen one seen them all I just scrolled through looking for cute photos of puppies I don't really stop to look at your photos Twin"

I think saving photos is weird and does feel a bit icky. I've nicked photos off friends profiles i.e. to have personalised things made for them but always asked first, spoils the surprise but to take the pic just feels, icky. I actually don't think YABU to feel slightly odd about it, especially as it isn't just one or two photos!

GruntledOne · 14/01/2016 16:26

Although it would be nice to just have a couple of lovely photos of dd that I can display at home without having to share them. (She asks for such photos, again because she loves her but I'd love to have just two maybe)

FFS, what's stopping you? Get a couple of photos taken, frame them, don't tell MiL, hide them away if she's coming to the house.

If you want to know why she didn't add you to FB, just ask her. I suspect she was just diffident about it, probably because she thought you wouldn't want her to.

Original poster

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 16:26

its just that I feel she's been secretive about it, that's all.
When I saw she had Facebook, I went on her page, clicked add as friend and had a look, she's got lots of friends, replied to comments, uploads photos, shares pages, updates her status etc, so I know she could easily have added me. That's reslly all I find odd, that and that she got a bit carried away and save EVERY single photo. But it's okay, really, I'll manage not knowing.

OP posts:

IamSantaClaus · 14/01/2016 16:30

You should save all of her photos and display them in your house . The more obscure the better

tiggytape · 14/01/2016 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 14/01/2016 16:43

"Well, I think that's a shame Bert. Oldie or not you're allowed to add someone who was born later than you."

I don't want to put my young relations in the embarrassing position of having to add me even if they would rather not have older people seeing the details of their lives or, alternatively, ignoring or rejecting my "advances"! It think you'll find many other older people think the same.

Original poster

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 16:51

Why would it matter if they're older or not? So you wouldn't add them in case they felt uncomfortable but wouldn't have a problem saving their photos from Facebook? Genuinely just interested as to me, doesn't make sense.

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 14/01/2016 17:15

My young relatives don't necessarily want people of their mothers' generation eavesdropping on their chat with their friends. I don't hang around with my dd's friends IRL unless actively invited- why would I do it online?
Love it if they do invite me, thought!

BertieBotts · 14/01/2016 18:01

I think she just probably doesn't understand how facebook works and that she can go and look at them at any time. Or she thinks loading up facebook is a hassle and prefers to have her own copy just in case you delete them or something. Or she wants to have them all in one place. Nothing particularly sinister about any of those.

If you think about it in her day you had to take the photos, wait ages for the film to be full, pay to get them printed, pay for reprints, physically send them out to people (cost of a stamp). It probably feels marvellous to just be able to right click and save a photograph to her desktop, for free, as many as she wants. We take digital photography for granted - most people I know don't even bother backing up their photos because they can just take loads more, but for our parents' generation, photographs were more of a precious thing and I think the notion of having as many as you want, able to be copied as many times as you want can still feel quite amazing.

I wouldn't generally save photos from facebook (though I have! If somebody had one I wanted!) because I have enough photos of my own and if I want to look at it, I can go to their profile. I don't think it's weird that somebody of the generation above mine might want to save them for her own use.

BertieBotts · 14/01/2016 18:05

I expect that she hasn't been secretive on purpose but more that she didn't realise she was doing something you would find odd.

Before we all had facebook, broadband and mobile phones, saving a photo off an email somebody sent you was a perfectly normal thing, remember? She probably sees facebook as a similar kind of thing to email rather than a different kind of media entirely. So saving her own copy of the photo seemed like a normal thing to do, ergo she didn't bother to explain to you that she was doing it.

Leelu6 · 14/01/2016 18:17

You could take some photos, display them at home, and if MIL asks for them, say you can't find them on your phone/camera/PC anymore.

MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 18:26

I bet she'd ask if she could scan them though

Original poster

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 19:02

No, she takes photos out of frames to take photos of the photos. Then she puts them on her computer and edits them so they're prettieer than mine as well
Sob sob

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 19:13

But their edited. Yours are how baby actually looked

Original poster

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 19:15

Yes, true. Although she looks so shiny and clean once mil has worked her magic in them. Oh well

OP posts:

Mouseinahole · 14/01/2016 19:17

I save every photograph of any of my dgc on fb. I love looking back through all the pictures. If they weren't to be seen they shouldn't be on Facebook. These are my grandchildren. What I don't do is share the pictures without asking permission but of course I want to save and maybe even print them.

Whathaveilost · 14/01/2016 19:43

I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.
Seriously, in the scheme of things does it really matter? It's keeping MIL happy and why not? So she had the same pictures as you........and?
Honestly the sky won't fall down or anything. This is really a 1st world problem.

I think it is lovely she dotes so much on your DD

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread