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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find this a little bit strange

146 replies

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 13:18

My mil adores 3 year old dd, she's her only granddaughter and dd is lucky to have her, however I have found myself a bit confused about my mil's decision to go onto my Facebook (we are not friends on there as I wasn't aware she used it!) and save every single photo of dd, and me and dp.
I would understand if this had been because these photos had popped up in her news feed and she thought "oh what a lovely photo I'll save that" however when showing me some recent photos of dd she flicked through maybe 30 photos of dd, me and dp, and even dd with her godfather (dps best friend) basically she has saved every profile photo I have (they were the only ones people who aren't friends with me on there can see) saved every single one and not even added me.
Again,this would be understandable if she never saw dd, but she takes her at least once a week because she wants to see her and we all see them regularly. Why would you want photos of someone else's memory, and why an earth would you search someone out on Facebook. Save all their photos and not bother adding them.
She flicked through and dh said "where doped you get these from mum" to which she replied, "that was in dgd's godfathers page" pointing to the 1 photo of dd and her godfather, I couldn't help but find the other 20+ photos a little odd, I've at least learnt something from thus and have changed my privacy settings!
Maybe I am yet to understand and when I'm a grandma I'll do stuff like this, I just can't imagine doing it myself, unless it's a memory I've shared with someone, a special moment to look back on I don't get why I'd want the photo, I can't see myself hunting them out anyway.
I'm being unreasonable, aren't i?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 14/01/2016 15:26

I'm probably as old as your MIL. I think it's up to younger people
to decide whether they want "oldies" as Facebook friends.

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 15:26

Iamsantaclaus, by the looks of this thread 99% of people WOULD in fact save photos from someone else's facebook. I'm however not one of them. Apparently if they are on Facebook they're no longer your property, but that of everyone who sees them as fair game.
For that reason I'll be much wiser about what I share.

OP posts:
Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 15:27

Well, I think that's a shame Bert. Oldie or not you're allowed to add someone who was born later than you.

OP posts:
MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 14/01/2016 15:32

I'm on fb, MiL isn't.
If she were, there is no way on earth I would want her as my friend, I go on there to share thoughts and rant to my friends about my awful Mil :) I'm sure she would be the same. Instead she rants to DP about how awful I am :)

However, if she were savvy enough to have a fb page, she would also have an email address and I'd make damn sure I emailed her all and every pic of DD (unless I were naked in one!) as she's her nana.

Starbores · 14/01/2016 15:38

I'm with you op it's weird. I've tightened up my security lately as family members who I'm not friends with on facebook and show nothing more than a passing interest in my children's lives have been nosing at my photos via mutual fb friends.

LovelyFriend · 14/01/2016 15:52

I think you can save your settings to stop her downloading them.

But really, she love her GD and all these photos will be precious to her. Unless there are other issues with her, it's all pretty harmless isn't it? And brings her joy.

MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 15:55

I wouldn't save somebody else's photos and I don't think that's what most price are saying. I think they are saying if a grandparent did it to them they wouldn't be that concerned

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 15:58

I'm not concerned as such, I just find it odd she wouldn't add me, after all then she would be able to see the rest of the photos and save them too. It makes me think she feels she shouldn't, in which case if she feels adding me is invading my privacy what is taking all my photos without so much as mentioning it?
its.not.about.the.photos

OP posts:
Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 16:01

If I had photos of my niece/nephew saved from my sisters Facebook, but hadn't bothered to add her, ask if I could have them, and then lie about where I got them from I'm pretty sure she would think it's odd behaviour?
I wouldn't do this to my dd, grandchildren, mum, aunts, uncles, sisters Eric but because she's nana it's okay basically.

OP posts:
IamSantaClaus · 14/01/2016 16:01

I still find it odd . Especially when she has loads of photos already .

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 16:01

Eric / etc *

OP posts:
NoelHeadbands · 14/01/2016 16:01

It's exactly the kind of thing my MIL would do (in fact I know she has) including not friend requesting other people. I think she just doesn't want to seem pushy.

I don't find it weird at all.

theycallmemellojello · 14/01/2016 16:02

I don't see the problem at all. Why post a picture on fb if you don't think that anyone else would be interested in it? the saving photos thing is not something a younger person would do probably just because they're more familiar and comfortable with the idea of having stuff saved remotely.

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 16:03

So most people wouldn't save someone else's Facebook photos but think it's perfecrlt okay to do so, if it's perfect "okay" to do so, why wouldn't you save them?

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 16:04

I don't think she lied, just that specific photo she was on when asked was from Dgd godfather's page. Unless that's completely wrong. You def seem less worked up about it now at least

NoelHeadbands · 14/01/2016 16:04

I can't answer that cause I do save other people's photos Grin

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 16:07

No, she didn't techincally lie. Her son asked her where she got all the photos from and she pointed at one and said "well that was on godfathers page" then proceeded to flick through my entire profile picture album.

Still find it weird, worked up? No? Confused? Very much so.
She has no issue adding youngsters, most her friends are dh's friends and younger family, maybe she secretly hates me....

OP posts:
Bjornstar · 14/01/2016 16:07

I don't think it is weird, maybe she wanted to create an album and didn't have many pictures?

LovelyFriend · 14/01/2016 16:08

She probably hasn't got much a clue re the workings of FB.

LaContessaDiPlump · 14/01/2016 16:08

It's a bit odd but I think your reaction stems from being slightly put out by her not adding you as a friend. My aunt (my dad's sister, different country/language to me) has a picture of DS2 as her profile pic. I was a little bit Confused when I saw it but not actually annoyed! FB etiquette is an evolving thing.

LovelyFriend · 14/01/2016 16:09

Still find it weird, worked up? No? Confused? Very much so.
Well we can stay here and guess all day.
Or you could ask her? And be confused no more.

NoelHeadbands · 14/01/2016 16:10

She has no issue adding youngsters, most her friends are dh's friends and younger family, maybe she secretly hates me....

Maybe they added her?

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 16:11

She's got loads of photos, she's more organised than me, she has the luxury of the time to document my daughters life by the week, print it out and make beautiful albums- one day I'm sure I'll be grateful she has as I don't have the time. So it's nice to have them, she knows how to use Facebook just perfectly and has plenty of photos she's just obviously utterly in love with dd and can't get enough of her, which in the end is a good thing. Aibu. Although it would be nice to just have a couple of lovely photos of dd that I can display at home without having to share them. (She asks for such photos, again because she loves her but I'd love to have just two maybe)

OP posts:
theycallmemellojello · 14/01/2016 16:13

Err so just take two photos and don't share them? Though I don't really get why it takes away from the pleasure of having photos at home if you know that someone else has them. Just don't put stuff online (or on your wall for that matter) if you don't want others to see them.

MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 16:15

Apparently now it's not about the photos, and she didn't lie so it's just about her not adding her but OP has added her so it's all sorted