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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a little bit strange

146 replies

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 13:18

My mil adores 3 year old dd, she's her only granddaughter and dd is lucky to have her, however I have found myself a bit confused about my mil's decision to go onto my Facebook (we are not friends on there as I wasn't aware she used it!) and save every single photo of dd, and me and dp.
I would understand if this had been because these photos had popped up in her news feed and she thought "oh what a lovely photo I'll save that" however when showing me some recent photos of dd she flicked through maybe 30 photos of dd, me and dp, and even dd with her godfather (dps best friend) basically she has saved every profile photo I have (they were the only ones people who aren't friends with me on there can see) saved every single one and not even added me.
Again,this would be understandable if she never saw dd, but she takes her at least once a week because she wants to see her and we all see them regularly. Why would you want photos of someone else's memory, and why an earth would you search someone out on Facebook. Save all their photos and not bother adding them.
She flicked through and dh said "where doped you get these from mum" to which she replied, "that was in dgd's godfathers page" pointing to the 1 photo of dd and her godfather, I couldn't help but find the other 20+ photos a little odd, I've at least learnt something from thus and have changed my privacy settings!
Maybe I am yet to understand and when I'm a grandma I'll do stuff like this, I just can't imagine doing it myself, unless it's a memory I've shared with someone, a special moment to look back on I don't get why I'd want the photo, I can't see myself hunting them out anyway.
I'm being unreasonable, aren't i?

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 14/01/2016 14:09

I'm not on fb but seems reasonable to me. She just wants photos of her dgd.

Have you got whatsapp? Get her on that then send her photos.

BertrandRussell · 14/01/2016 14:12

Why on earth is that weird? Dd was born pre Internet, and whenever whe had a film developed we used to get extra copies for the grandparents.

BertrandRussell · 14/01/2016 14:13

"I've filtered who can see them now after MiL's boyfriend (who I added to be polite but don't know from Adam) lifted them and made MiL a collage from all my baby pics as a gift"

What a bastard!

blankmind · 14/01/2016 14:16

In the days before digicams and digital images, we used a camera with film and if we'd taken shots of dd, we always got an extra copy to send to the grandparents. It would take me ages writing on the back where it was taken, who was in it, but the grandparents loved them and loved showing them to their friends.

Has your MIL got a digital photo cube? If not, it would be a nice gift for her, loaded with loads of photos of you, your dh and your dd. Maybe you could save some photos she can't see online so it's a nice surprise for her.

rogueantimatter · 14/01/2016 14:16

FWIW - I'm on fb but I still don't properly understand it! Blush

I'm very cautious about adding people - especially if they're significantly younger than me (I'm middle-aged) and I waited for my MIL to add me.

I didn't know you could save photos actually.

DD and I were talking about photos recently. Not specifically on fb. She was telling me about a photo that she particularly liked and it surprised me because it wasn't flattering of her but she explained the context. So for her that photo is a memory whereas for me it's just another photo. Your MIL probably thinks her GD looks adorable in any photo, regardless of its context.

blankmind · 14/01/2016 14:18

good x-post bertrand Smile

Costacoffeeplease · 14/01/2016 14:19

I don't think it's odd either, sorry

Original poster
Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 14:19

I have 45 friends in Facebook, all of which are close family and friends, so whilst changing my settings may seem petty I don't feel I'm being unreasonable to mil, why not just add me?
Also I've said in my previous post, my mil has many many wonderful photos of dd, she takes wonderful photos and has a shrine in her house, I also send her lots of photos of dd to share, ones I think are special that she would like, it's more that she's searched me out, taken my photos and then not added me. She knows how to do this, she's added every one of dh's friends and appears to use it regularly-. Why an earth she would want a photo of dd with her godfather I don't know, she doesn't know him well at all, but it's less about her wanting photos of her granddaughter, I've stated I totally get that but I feel a bit confused why you'd lie and say you got photos off someone else's page, well no- they are 30 of my profile photos, saved one after another, and yes if my mother did this I would ask her why, find it unusual and be confused.
I've changed my settings not to spite mil, but as a previous poster mentioned can you imagine how I'd feel if someone I hadn't known took them.

OP posts:
GarlicBake · 14/01/2016 14:20

You made me laugh out loud, Bert. Yeah, what a thoughtful & considerate rotter!

OP - Not weird, for all the reasons already posted :) Maybe get the hint and tag her in DD photos. Or even have one of those FB printed albums made up for her.

Gruntfuttock · 14/01/2016 14:22

She has a shrine?

GarlicBake · 14/01/2016 14:22

Chamonix, why haven't you added her? You're the one with the social networking smarts.

FWIW, mu mum was desperate to get on FB & Twitter so I set up her accounts, added all the family members and showed her how it works. She shrank away in horror Grin

MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 14:22

Maybe she meant that specific photo was from his page

MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 14:22

If you only have close friends and family why can't you friend MIL?

CottonSock · 14/01/2016 14:23

You seem disproportionately upset by this. My Mum prints my fb photos of dd and puts them in an album (from our group which I set up as secret). We are fb friends but I wouldn't care if my mil did the same.

Original poster
Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 14:23

Fwiw, I did think most people would think its normal, I haven't said anything to mil and never would, but for me it's a little unnecessary considering she is a heavily involved grandma.
For me it's the fact she lied about where she got them from, saved every single one she could get and didn't even add me, surely if you want to see photos of your dgd you'd sdd your dil. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 14:24

You're very insistent YANBU and don't take anyone's point YABU so why post here?

It's a little weird but no malice. You seem a bit worked up about it. And why would she want a pic of her Dgd with anybody? It's still a pic of her and she wants to see as many moments as poss

Original poster
Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 14:27

I didn't add her because I didn't know she had it! She never mentioned it, just added everyone else and went on my profile to save profile pictures and buggered off again.
She knows how to use Facebook, well enough to create a profile, add all her relatives and dh's friends, comment and reply to things p, save all my profile photos but doesn't add me, I feel it's just strange to do that.
I've added her now, so she'll have hundreds of photos to save, maybe I should buy her a memory stick.
As for making an album of Facebook photos for her, I've said I share hundreds of photos with her, had a canvas made for her of dd and she's got hundreds upon hundreds of photos of dd. she's actually got more albums than me, including a room full of photos of dd from birth so I don't think its necessary

OP posts:
Original poster
Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 14:29

Pimk replying to people's questions, I can see 99% think I'm unreasonable and the point is taken.
Sorry, should I not reply?

OP posts:
GarlicBake · 14/01/2016 14:29

I've added her now, so she'll have hundreds of photos to save, maybe I should buy her a memory stick.

Good work Flowers

Yeah, grandmothers can be slightly obsessed!

IamSantaClaus · 14/01/2016 14:32

My inlaws do this too and I find the pictures framed in their house even though we give them loads of photos of the dcs. I've stopped putting photos on Facebook because of this . I found it annoying and unnecessary too op.

MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 14:34

Maybe someone else helped or set up the profile for her, maybe they added people or people added her and she only knows how to accept. I really think you are only working yourself up about this when it's just that she loves you DD so much

Original poster
Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 14:34

Iamsantaclaus; at least im not the only one then! I could tell her own son found it odd, he got in the car and went...."well that was odd". So that's 3 of us !

OP posts:
Drew64 · 14/01/2016 14:35

Do you not want her to have pictures of her Grand daughter and her family?
I don't see what's wrong with it?

Epilepsyhelp · 14/01/2016 14:36

YABU!! What the hell are people on about privacy settings for, you're talking about her grand daughter?! This isn't weird at all, she wants pictures of her DGD.

Flutterbutterfly · 14/01/2016 14:37

Not as odd as my sil who printed out an A2 photo of herself holding MY newborn to frame and give out as gifts to family members!!!

I went cold when I saw it displayed at grandads house.

Keep it all private OP.