Name changed as pretty identifying but really want opinions on this as not sure how much my opinion is clouding facts (as usual!).
DPs brother is getting married in august this year, DP is Best Man and we have all been invited - me, DD(3) & DS(1) & DP, obviously - to the Happy Event with a lovely lodge laid on for us, to be shared with DPs DSis and her partner who we get on well with (although they don't have kids so obviously have a slightly different perspective on life!).... The wedding is quite small, around 50 people, and DPs family (he has two brothers and a sister), especially MiL and FiL, are all v.excited at the lovely family time to come (first wedding in the family, DD & DS are only grandchildren), they all love the kids, & seem to quite like me too.... :)
So far so good.
Now the tricky bits...
Fistly, The wedding is in a place that is quite far away - as in, in the UK but (for us) either At Least a 14+ hour drive (not including stops) with a 1.5hr ferry, or a 2hr flight with car hire at airport followed by 4hr drive (we live 20 mins from local airport our end, so prob a £20 taxi). My objection to this is the horrendous (either way!) travelling time & hassle with 2 tiny ones, plus the cost is prohibitive for us - will cost about £475 for flights alone (we are swinging toward flying), plus car hire and fuel, extra baggage, etc.
Secondly, the wedding is taking place over 3 days; noone is quite sure what's happening over the three days yet but accommodation has been booked for everyone for the duration... general consensus is a lot of it is probably just about making sure everyone is there and relaxed for the Big Day due to the fairly isolated location, and ditto, that there must be stuff laid on but noone knows for sure! My objection to this is I will be pretty much solely in charge of the littlies the whole time as DP has a habit of reverting into "childhood family" mode when with his family, ie just ends up chatting shit with his siblings and playing around, and enjoying getting fussed over by MiL (he was her pfb and clearly still is)... Also, as Best Man he will have lots of duties as well, won't he?? He says this won't happen but he said that at Christmas and (even when clearly Not a Best Man) the same still happened... I can chivvy him but will basically spend 3 days feeling alternately stressed and irritated... MiL is often (too!) keen to help but again, I feel she will be distracted being Mother of the Groom, plus they have invited friends of theirs to the wedding so will be otherwise distracted! The whole 3 day thing for us all will also ramp up the cost, IMO.
Thirdly, although I am pretty good at hiding this I suffer from occasional anxiety and ocd which has got worse since having the kids.... This isn't helped when with inlaws by MiL being a typical Matriarch and always trying to "coordinate" & "guide" the kids, us, and often both.... so am feeling a mild sense of dread at the whole prospect! This could probably be quashed in the absence of first and second issues but combined.... :O
So's not to drip feed: money worries are definitely an Issue with us at the mo as We've recently lost some income (not much but enough to cause is to have to tighten purse strings) so this seems an obvious cost-cutting area (have hardly any savings between us, what we have we are going l saving towards starting our own business next year); DP is also going on the stag do, which is a long weekend in Portugal!!! See above... We couldn't go for longer and try make a holiday of it (even if we could afford it) as DPs job is v.season related and is going to be hard enough taking 3 days off in august as it is!
OK, my Aibu - to tell DP to go on his own, obviously!!