did I deserve this response?

[browneyedgirl1974]

So it is my brothers birthday today. I realised last night that I forgot to post his card. I only realised when he rang about another matter. So I apologised and promised to post it. I do get why he was upset as it was his 40th so a special one.
His response was don't bother as getting a card after the day means nothing.
I was a little taken aback so mn jury did I deserve this?

[springscoming]

Yes you did deserve it. It's quite a low key response after all.

[Zazedonia]

What's the problem with sending a little present to your own brother on his 40th? Strewth.

[browneyedgirl1974]

We decided to not do gifts for adults a few years ago. We still do Christmas but not birthdays.Obviously when I see him I would have got wine. However, in the light of this I will send something sooner.

[Hulababy]

These things happen - ime it really is just one of those things.

Yes, it is nice if people remember to send a card and/or wish you happy birthday, but mistakes can occur.

It really wouldn't bother me to receive a card a little late - had it happen to me many a time.

And really - 40 years old is a grown adult. It really is not that big a deal at all imo. I am sure people of older generations didn't always try and have big celebrations for all these 0 birthdays like people seem to do these days!

OP - you apologised. Its done. If he wants to sulk further than leave him to it.

[Hulababy]

And reading the actually timing of events - card bought last week, phone call last night (when OP realised she hadn't posted it), text today, card posted today, phone call tonight (on actual birthday) - so actually, its just a crd arriving a day late. Not really that big an issue - most people wouldn't have even owned up, bet they'd blame it on the postal service instead!

[hmcReborn]

A 40th birthday is a big deal - so yes, poor form on your part to forget and I don't blame your brother for being irked.

If it was his 39th or 41st - not a big deal, but most people (at least most people in my experience) tend to really go to town on celebrating a 40th birthday. He was probably hurt that you gave it so little thought

[Quogwinkle]

I don't like getting cards after my birthday. Fair enough if it was posted in time and then delayed in the post, but if it wasn't sent until the day or after then it feels like the sender couldn't be bothered.

SIL always used to send me a big card with not enough postage on it so I would have to go down to the Post Office to collect it and pay the extra postage. She did that several times. The last time she did it I guessed it was her and didn't bother to go and pick it up. She hasn't done it since.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

What Hulababy said.

He sounds about 4 years old rather than 40.

[SirChenjin]

40ths have always been quite a big deal - it's not a new thing at all. Even if it were that still means the OP has not really given much thought to something which is important now - and which obviously meant a lot to her brother ( who is far from sounding like he's 4...)

[Zazedonia]

It's one of those things - if everything in his life is wonderful, he's surrounded by loving friends and family who remembered his birthday, then this won't matter much to him. But if things aren't looking so good, this kind of thing rubs salt into the wound.

[browneyedgirl1974]

Actually zazedoni you may have hit the nail on the head as whilst on the phone he had a vent about a problem he was having with his dd. So maybe I was daft to confess but I felt guilty.

[Cavaradossi]

Look, maybe he's stressed about something else, but I wouldn't have a lot of patience with a 40 year old man throwing a juvenile strop about receiving a card the day after his birthday. You can just hear the teenage door slamming - 'it doesn't matter, it's too late now, ANYWAY!'

[SirChenjin]

There was no juvenile strop - it was a perfectly calm response to something that obviously bothered him (and which would have rankled many of us on here - no juveniles amongst us).

Have we had entitled /princessy/passive aggressive/you sound hard work/hand him a grip yet?

[SirChenjin]

He sounds

[browneyedgirl1974]

sirchenjin you are right on mn birthdays aren't suppssed to matter. I remember posting about dh and his parents going to a football match meaning they would be away all day with dd1 when it was dd2 birthday. I expressed sadness about this was told it was only a birthday. Celebrate another day etc etc. Dd was 4 at the time. Than fil came back with a gift for dd1 from the football and told dd2 off for touching it onvher birthday. Grr.
Yet this time I think most people think I was out of order so lesson learnt.

[browneyedgirl1974]

I did give it plenty of thought justxat the last minutecwith stresses of everyday life I forgot to post the card I carefully chose a week ago. If someone did this to me and, in fact someone regularly does I wouldn't want them to feel even worse than they did. I would say I understand you are busy not. "Well its pointless sending it now as it means nothing."

[browneyedgirl1974]

Anyway I rang on both numbers and got voice mail and haven't had a reply to my text. So I guess I have alot of making up to do.

[Kingfisherfree]

YABU. I would send some chocolates or champagne/ sparkling wine. It can be delivered today or tomorrow.

It is pointless to send a card after the day but it does still show you thought about them.

It depends what mood I'm in as to how bothered it makes me. Tbh I don't care now as most cards seem to be late.

[browneyedgirl1974]

Well I spent last night trawling the internet and I have sent a gift. Hopefully it will arrive tomorrow.

[Kingfisherfree]

That's great! It is the right thing to do and he will appreciate your effort.

[InQuiteAChristmasPickle]

Aw, usually I'm in the "fgs, it's only a card" camp but I see where he's coming from.

I remember ringing my mum on the morning of her birthday, bearing in mind that I was going to be visiting her later that day with her present AND card.
Me: happy birthday!
Her: where's my card?
Me: it's here, I'll bring it tonight with your present.
Her: why didn't you send it? Cards are for in the morning, it's my birthDAY. By the time you get here it's not really my birthday anymore.
Me:

And then I told her how ridiculous and unreasonable she was being. It wasn't even a big birthday - she was about 58 at the time.

[InQuiteAChristmasPickle]

Glad you've sent a gift, Op. Hope you're able to make it up to him and he can move past it.

[Littleelffriend]

Late cards annoy me, because I just think "what's the point?" Either send them on time or don't bother

[Cavaradossi]

It was a juvenile strop. The card had been chosen and he would probably receive it the day after his birthday, unless he's abroad - and his sister realised and apologised on the phone before his actual birthday. It's hardly a five year old being told he has to wait till after New Year for his Christmas presents, so need for the huffing about it being too late now, anyway. Since when does the care and attention put into a card evaporate if the card doesn't arrive on the actual birthday? Honestly.

Most of us have gone out long before the post arrives through our letterboxes, so a card that arrives on the day won't be opened until six or seven in the evening, at best!

[chrome100]

I think it's a little thoughtless on your behalf.

A birthday is on a certain day and to be honest you shuold probably have been organised enough to post it in time. It does show a little lack of care but it's no big deal in the grand scheme of things.