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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

did I deserve this response?

122 replies

browneyedgirl1974 · 13/01/2016 15:19

So it is my brothers birthday today. I realised last night that I forgot to post his card. I only realised when he rang about another matter. So I apologised and promised to post it. I do get why he was upset as it was his 40th so a special one.
His response was don't bother as getting a card after the day means nothing.
I was a little taken aback so mn jury did I deserve this?

OP posts:
FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 13/01/2016 16:34

Just because it might have made OP uncomfortable doesn't mean he was rude.

I don't think he was rude at all. I think he was probably a bit upset. OP if you realised last night you hadn't sent the card why didn't you text to say? And say at that point what time you would call as you had a PTA thing?

Original poster
browneyedgirl1974 · 13/01/2016 16:43

I know I was in the wrong for forgetting to post the card I purchased a week ago. It was scatty but I hadn't forgotten completely and did send a text and will ring him when he gets home from work. I guess I just feel that if someone fesses up to forgetting to post a card than you just let it go.
Maybe I should have kept quiet.

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 13/01/2016 16:51

Well he didn't shout or swear or threaten to go NC or do anything over-the-top whatsoever, did he? He just let you know that he felt there wasn't a lot of point in sending a card after his birthday. That's surely fair enough isn't it? He's entitled to that opinion.

SirChenjin · 13/01/2016 16:55

I'm with your brother, and from what you've said he wasn't rude. 40th birthdays are quite big things - it sounds as if you really hadn't given it much thought beyond 'oh yeah, must post that card..' and so I can see why he's upset. And no present? Not even for a 40th?

DisappointedOne · 13/01/2016 16:55

Till it arrives with a postmark after the date of the burthday

newyear16 · 13/01/2016 17:03

Yabu. A 40th birthday is a big deal for lots of people.

Throwingshade · 13/01/2016 17:05

I think it's shit to forget your brother's 40th yes.

He is probably used to people forgetting or ignoring his birthday as it's early January. So maybe other people forgot. All the more reason why you should have remembered.

YABU

StrictlyMumDancing · 13/01/2016 17:12

My own DPs have in recent years sent my birthday cards late. They're not bad DPs and its not that they've forgotten, they've just had scatty moments. We all get those. I'd far rather they called me and wished me a happy birthday anyway.

I wouldn't assume someone was so hung up on receiving a card if they'd posted a child's birthday card late themselves.

I can understand why he may feel taken aback but I don't think you deserved that when he's done it himself before.

Original poster
browneyedgirl1974 · 13/01/2016 17:15

Wasn't trying to justify it by mentioning nieces birthday. Just replying to another poster who asked if he was late with cards. We don't do presents. Yes he did get cards from other siblings.
ok so I am in the wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
browneyedgirl1974 · 13/01/2016 17:19

He rang day before his birthday. Ie last night. His birthday is today and I plan to ring this evening.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 13/01/2016 17:23

Most of my family (not immediate) forgot my 'big' birthday.

It hurt. They sent a present to make up for it. It didn't.

venusinscorpio · 13/01/2016 17:23

I would go round, apologise again and take some nice chocs or a bottle of something as a peace offering, whether or not you usually "do" presents. He's entitled to be upset and let you know how feels.

Original poster
browneyedgirl1974 · 13/01/2016 17:27

Sadly we live 250 miles away so can't judt pop round. Maybe I need to send something through the post.

OP posts:
MultishirkingAgain · 13/01/2016 17:28

I don't think your brother is unreasonable. He must be hurt, his own sister not remembering his 40th birthday. It's a bit of a milestone, & you're immediate family. We don't often do cards in my family but there will always be phone calls on the day (and we all live very far-flung so need to take time differences into account).

So YABU.

TrashPanda · 13/01/2016 17:29

Am I reading a different thread. I got that the birthday was today but phone call was yesterday.

Card was bought a week ago but not posted, call yesterday reminded OP she hadn't posted the card but was not specifically about that.

Card posted today on birthday as well as text sent and phone call later.

It's not like he rang her on the evening of his birthday and she had totally forgotten she just didn't post his card on time.

I may have read it totally wrong though Confused

Zazedonia · 13/01/2016 17:30

Sending an actual present would have been a nice gesture?

TrashPanda · 13/01/2016 17:31

Aah x-post while I was typing Smile

Original poster
browneyedgirl1974 · 13/01/2016 17:42

You are spot on trash

OP posts:
venusinscorpio · 13/01/2016 17:44

Yes, I would send a nice letter and a present in the post in that case OP.

ceeveebee · 13/01/2016 17:45

Assuming by your user name that your 40th was in 2014, did he send you a card /present?
I'd be upset if I didn't get birthday cards from my siblings in a normal year, particularly so for a milestone.

Original poster
browneyedgirl1974 · 13/01/2016 17:49

Card yes. Present no.

OP posts:
Original poster
browneyedgirl1974 · 13/01/2016 17:52

It was always my intention to send a card but appreciate being late does make it seem thoughless.

OP posts:
venusinscorpio · 13/01/2016 17:52

You could order something (including chocs, food, wine etc) on amazon today until 7 for delivery to him
tomorrow.

SirChenjin · 13/01/2016 17:53

I got all that too Trash - but that doesn't detract from the fact that the OP hadn't sent the card in time for it to arrive on or before his birthday!

HackAttack · 13/01/2016 17:59

You deserved that response!! Apologies/chocolate/wine in order!!

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