sisters relationship

[Murphyslaw21]

Me and sister have different lifestyles she is very wealthy married high powered solicitor live big detached house. Three holidays a year at least £7k per holiday (she always tell me). My hubby is builder, small house. Camping holidays. Money is tight. She has a weekly £400 food budget only food. I have £80. She has done well. But she thinks she is superior to me and we have now come to blows.

She don't get on with my hubby they tolerate each other. She charges us for Christmas dinner £25pp. She won't charge neighbours or friends. This year I decided not to go as new baby wanted first Christmas in our house. We popped over there in the afternoon to see children open presents. She has told me that because I did not go for whole day I have ruined Christmas and it can never be taken back. She has not spoken to me since.

When mum died me and hubby bought a house in the same area as her as I felt it would be good for us to be closer. Huge mistake she gets me to go out places like shopping I hate it as I don't have the spare cash. And I don't need to see her spend £100's on clothes and then lunch. I don't have money for that. But she makes me feel obliged.

We have had so many arguments that I really can't list. When I ever reply or answer back she is so insulting to me. I can honestly say I don't like her. She is a snob and very controlling I think I have had enough. Now hubby has opertunity for new job but it's going to be a relocation and i think it would be a good idea.

My friends are horrified over the way she is with me, and say I should walk away. The thing is my mum and dad are both gone. There is no aunts etc. Just us. If I walk away I'm leaving the only family I have left. I know I have hubby and baby.

Since Christmas I have added things to Facebook to try and get dialogue going. E.g posting pictures of baby. But nothing. I know she won't contact me I have to make first contact. She sent me a text Christmas evening after an awful insulting call telling me I ruined Christmas, I'm selfish and that I need to leave her alone.

I feel so alone. I moved to an area, left my friends and hubby family. I have no one here. She knows this. She has not helped me with baby. Mum helped her all the time. Things like having baby for an hour.

I'm writing this and actually thinking to myself I am such a mug. I should relocate and if she wants to visit she can.

I'm also wondering if she is on here and if so the war that will proceed.

[BobbyV]

Its a awful situ to be in and i know how u feel. My dad died yrs ago and im NC with mum for the last couple yrs. My sis is useless....doesnt contact me unless i contact her etc etc. So much so that ive now decided that she knows where i am if she wants to get in touch she will. If she was treating me the way yr sister treats younthen I'd havr told her to get stuffed years ago.
Break free from her....shes bringing you down. If she wasnt family then you'd probably not even be friends doncha think? Unfortunately we cant choose our family but we can choose how we react to them. Big hugs xx

[AcrossthePond55]

You are so much better without her in your life. Sister or not, you should never have anyone in your life who doesn't add to it in a positive way.

To give you a different perspective, I too have a sister who married well. Very well! DH and I have never struggled (well not much) but certainly aren't wealthy! My sister never made us feel bad. She never lorded it over me nor bragged or otherwise rubbed her wealth in my face. Yes, there were shopping trips that I couldn't afford and lunches out. Yes, she bought things I could never afford. But she had a way of 'consulting' me and asking my opinion that made me feel almost as if I were buying for myself. And if someone remarked on the item, she'd say something like "Oh yes, Across helped me pick it out. She always knows what suits me". Not that I do or that she always took my advice, but it still made me feel valued. And she was happy to eat at places I could afford as well as expensive places. She was very generous without making one feel 'beholden'. I think the thing is that she appreciated the fact that she was very lucky and wanted those around her to feel lucky, too. Her refrain was always "No, let me. I know you'd do the same". And she also found ways for us to 'help' her, too. Small things, but it gave us the feeling we were contributing to her life in a good way. My BiL was the same. Kind and generous. If someone needed a job, he'd find one for them. If someone needed a car, there he was (he owned a dealership) with just the right one that fit their budget. That's how family should treat each other.

Your sister needs to be very careful. Nothing is guaranteed in this life. My sister and her DH lost everything in the 2008 financial crisis. Her DH became very ill because of it. They are now living with their daughter. But because they 'sowed' seeds of kindness and generosity, they have 'reaped' a harvest of love and generosity from those who love them. Your sister wouldn't be so lucky.

[SevenOfNineTrue]

Sounds to me like she is trying to push you away. She does not have the guts to go NC herself, so is using loads of passive aggressive ways of upsetting you so you'll do it first.

Life is too short. Cut her off and move away. I did it with my sister and it was the right decision.

[YellowTulips]

Move and take those frames with you.

She's bloody toxic, self absorbed and selfish.

Let her stew over Xmas and don't contact her to tell her you're moving.

She's your sister biologically but she isn't your friend, nor does demonstrate any qualities you would associate with the word family (warmth, love, support, compassion). So treat her as she treats you - without thought or concern.

You can't change how she treats you, only how you respond to her, so it's time to stop enabling her shitty behaviour and say you're done with it.

If she wants a relationship with you, then she needs to change her attitude and actions - if she won't then you know where you stand (and that's not continuing to enable her about secret Xmas payments and handing over possessions to keep the peace) and are better off without her in your life.

She should be ashamed of herself quite frankly - she sounds obnoxious to the extreme.

[openthecurtains]

Keep all the picture frames. Seriously. And yes, move house as suits you. She's not going to become the sister that you want, she sounds horrible.

[needygonzales]

OP

[LagunaBubbles]

Lurking I grant you it may not be the message she thinks she's sending

Thats what I meant, you just said it better!

[needygonzales]

Ok well that post failed, OP I was done with your sister when you said she CHARGES you for Christmas dinner! Wtf?!

You are so much better off without her in your life. If it was an option, i'd move far away from her. You might think she's the only family you have left but I can't see that she brings you anything but misery. You deserve better.

[LagunaBubbles]

Picture frames?

[Murphyslaw21]

Enough is enough. I'm going to arrange for house to be valued and already contacted some house builders.

It's making my blood boil. Spoke to hubby and he thinks that she is just a bitch. And gotten worse since mum has gone.

It is sad as I never used to let things bother me but one day you realise how many things there have been.

She is Rude. Manipulative. Controlling and the biggest show off.

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

KEEP THE FRAMES.

[Murphyslaw21]

I'm keeping the frames staystill.

They are mine. Massive change of heart

[LaContessaDiPlump]

I don't understand - what picture frames?

[Murphyslaw21]

Go on AIBU my original thread Mothers deceased sister now wants frames .

After the replies I got on that it made me question my relationship hence I put this post on to see what people thought. If it was just me

[dreamingofsun]

hurray at keeping the frames. One word of caution (and i doubt this is necessary) but don't stoop to her level. remain lovely, polite, sunny and just make sure you do what you want and not what she does. think how much nicer your life is going to be going forwards

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

Excellent news Murph.

Good to hear you're finding your inner resolve and rediscovering your self worth, don't let her manipulate you ever again.

[redjoker]

Very good point; stay perfectly lovely through out the whole thing, dont let the bitterness infect you too

Good luck!

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Ah, I understand now.

Keep the frames and move

[nilbyname]

Keep the frames, send her a card with a change of address with a portrait photo of you and your family beaming infront of the frames!

Your sister sounds like bad news!

[Sallyingforth]

Keep the frames, send her a card with a change of address

Personally if I was moving away I wouldn't tell her the new address.
But, I would only move if I had another good reason for doing so. Why give her the satisfaction of putting you to all that trouble and expense?
I would just cease contact with her and let her stew in her own bitterness.

[SquinkiesRule]

What a nasty person your Sister is. Keep the frames and move house and don't bother telling her where.
She's hardly going to improve with age, so if you continue to dance to her tune, she will get nastier.
Life is too short for this shit. I wouldn't want my kids exposed to her.

[Murphyslaw21]

As much as I would love to leave without a trace I couldn't do that. I will tell her when it's happening and hopefully she will respond appropriately.

But distance might be a good thing. God knows what will happen at Christmas

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

God knows what will happen at Christmas

Thankfully it's a long time til then, don't worry about that now or then.

[OurBlanche]

Christmas? You will be at home, starting your own family traditions. Or with the PILs joining theirs. Whatever you choose, really.

[diddl]

"God knows what will happen at Christmas"

Hopefully you'll be at home.

If she invites you, it is allowed to say no!

How has your husband put up with giving her£50 for the past 5yrs?