sisters relationship

[Murphyslaw21]

Me and sister have different lifestyles she is very wealthy married high powered solicitor live big detached house. Three holidays a year at least £7k per holiday (she always tell me). My hubby is builder, small house. Camping holidays. Money is tight. She has a weekly £400 food budget only food. I have £80. She has done well. But she thinks she is superior to me and we have now come to blows.

She don't get on with my hubby they tolerate each other. She charges us for Christmas dinner £25pp. She won't charge neighbours or friends. This year I decided not to go as new baby wanted first Christmas in our house. We popped over there in the afternoon to see children open presents. She has told me that because I did not go for whole day I have ruined Christmas and it can never be taken back. She has not spoken to me since.

When mum died me and hubby bought a house in the same area as her as I felt it would be good for us to be closer. Huge mistake she gets me to go out places like shopping I hate it as I don't have the spare cash. And I don't need to see her spend £100's on clothes and then lunch. I don't have money for that. But she makes me feel obliged.

We have had so many arguments that I really can't list. When I ever reply or answer back she is so insulting to me. I can honestly say I don't like her. She is a snob and very controlling I think I have had enough. Now hubby has opertunity for new job but it's going to be a relocation and i think it would be a good idea.

My friends are horrified over the way she is with me, and say I should walk away. The thing is my mum and dad are both gone. There is no aunts etc. Just us. If I walk away I'm leaving the only family I have left. I know I have hubby and baby.

Since Christmas I have added things to Facebook to try and get dialogue going. E.g posting pictures of baby. But nothing. I know she won't contact me I have to make first contact. She sent me a text Christmas evening after an awful insulting call telling me I ruined Christmas, I'm selfish and that I need to leave her alone.

I feel so alone. I moved to an area, left my friends and hubby family. I have no one here. She knows this. She has not helped me with baby. Mum helped her all the time. Things like having baby for an hour.

I'm writing this and actually thinking to myself I am such a mug. I should relocate and if she wants to visit she can.

I'm also wondering if she is on here and if so the war that will proceed.

[Murphyslaw21]

Other than Christmas and kids birthday. We don't eat round there to be honest hardly go round at all. If I do its for a coffee so she sees baby girl. And vice Versa.

She won't come to me for Christmas as apparently it's too hard for the kids (hers) as they want to play with their toys on Christmas Day. And this year I said we are staying in.

[nilbyname]

She's a nasty cow- move away and create a lovely life around you. I live in a different country from my family and over time I have cultivated lots of friends that we now consider family like. When your baby goes to nursery/preschool/school you'll meet so many more people.

Live your life and leave your toxic sister behind.

[diddl]

I'll accept her point about wanting to be at home for the kids on Christmas Day, but you don't invite your sister & then charge her!

So it cost you £50??

And you're the one who ruined Christmas??

Bloody stroll on.

Move away without a second thought.

It's not good that you feel you have to do what she says.

[hedgehogsdontbite]

I have a few questions:

1. She charges you fro Christmas dinner?
   

1. Really? She charges you for Christmas dinner?
   

1. OMG who the fuck charges their sister for Christmas? She charges you for Christmas dinner.
   

^

[Murphyslaw21]

Hedge

Yes she charges us for Xmas dinner ... I know .... And even worse I paid it for five years!! Told no one until 2 years ago and friends were so angry

[diddl]

5 years!!!!

OMG, OP, you need to break free.

Once should have been enough.

[NanaNina]

She sounds truly horrible, and yes a controlling snob. The charging you for Christmas dinner is unbelievable but so is telling you about their expensive holidays and dragging you shopping while she spends a small fortune. She is probably insecure underneath all the gloss but that's not your problem.

Hope you find the courage to keep out of her life as she requested!

[Murphyslaw21]

The first time she did it mum was alive and it was kept secret. Alarm bells should of rang then.

[LagunaBubbles]

She clearly doesnt need the money she has been charging you for Christmas dinners Murphy, so there's another reason - shes sending out a message of some sort.

[diddl]

"Alarm bells should of rang then."

Well they didn't, but at least they are now.

Would you be moving farfrom the friends you have?

[LurkingHusband]

shes sending out a message of some sort.

It's hardly ambiguous though ....

[LagunaBubbles]

What do you mean lurking?

[redjoker]

she charges you for xmas dinner? what the actual Eff! cut your loses!

[LuciaInFurs]

Murphy I have nothing useful to add but you sound like a really lovely person and I can empathise as I am in a similar situation, but with a BIL who married a woman has a millionaire father. I would love to NC but DH would not allow it.

Your sister is nasty and charging guests for dinner is ridiculous. I hope you are able to move soon.

[OnlyLovers]

She charges us for Christmas dinner £25pp.

I can't really get past this, except to say you sound as though you have good, supportive friends, which means you're not alone.

And
an awful insulting call telling me I ruined Christmas, I'm selfish and that I need to leave her alone.

This is your cue to take her at her word.

You don't need her, OP.

[LurkingHusband]

LagunaBubbles

The message I am receiving is that the DSis is a nasty piece of work, of the highest order. It's very clear, and not really capable of being read any other way.

Unless someone wants to correct me ?

[paddlenorapaddle]

Hmmmmm your sister is not your friend, charging you for Christmas dinner is bloody outrageous

There is of course another way to look at it, all this lording it over you comes from a very insecure person and she can't be as well off as she's pretending to be quibbling over £25.

Go start your new life keep it civil but defo to getting on with your life

[MerryMarigold]

Does she really charge or just ask for contribution to xmas day food at her house? (Though 50quid is a lot!!!). I've given my Mum money before towards xmas meals (she didn't ask!) as it was in her house and she ended up buying everything which adds to a lot.

[LagunaBubbles]

No I dont mean that Lurking, of course OPs DSIS sounds nasty, I mean a message regarding why she specifically is charging money for her sisters Christmas dinner - this isnt normal behaviour.

[LurkingHusband]

The message is as I said - she's a nasty piece of work.

I grant you it may not be the message she thinks she's sending. But she clearly doesn't speak normal.

[DinosaursRoar]

Others have said it, but to add to the chorus, move if you can. I wouldn't worry about her strop, there's little more annoying than giving someone the silent treatment and them acting like they haven't noticed... She's trying to get you to beg her to forgive you, just leave her to it. When you move, send her a "new address" note, then leave it until she contacts you.

[whaleshark]

Your sister does sound like a cow, but I am not sure the charging for Christmas dinner is as bad as it sounds. My Mum did Christmas dinner for everyone this year. We all got together before Christmas and agreed that DH and I would provide drinks, Dsis would get the turkey, and Mum would do the rest. That seemed fine to me, and I'm not sure charging is vastly different, although it does sound bad. Given what you said about her lifestyle I wouldn't be surprised if she had been living beyond her means for years and built up significant debts, and it sounds like she has been hosting every year.

None of that excuses her massive over reaction to you not coming for Christmas dinner though, or makes the rest of her treatment of you any better. I wonder if you might find her easier to deal with at a distance, and actually end up with a less fraught relationship?

[diddl]

If she thinks that you are selfish, that you ruined Christmas & is currently ignoring you, please don't consider her feelings about you moving away.

The way she's acting, it wouldn't bother her.

And if it would, well how are you to know?

She's told you to leave heralone.

Her fault for playing games if she doesn't mean it.

Anyway, it's not about her.

If your husband needs to move for work, then so be it.

[bettyberry]

your sister is wealthier than you but she charges you for dinner?

She sees you as beneath her. She doesn't charge other guests because she thinks they are in her league but you, she want's you to pay for the pleasure of her company.

My Gran would say she's 'all fur coat and no knickers'

Wealth cannot buy you class, OP. Nor can it buy you family but clearly this is what she thinks. I suggest you take some time away from her.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

I'm sorry to say this but your sister only wants you around as someone she can wipe her feet on.

Walk away and don't look back. Can you take 5 mins and think about how she will treat your children ? And teach her children to treat them.

Nobody needs someone in their life like this.