sisters relationship

[Murphyslaw21]

Me and sister have different lifestyles she is very wealthy married high powered solicitor live big detached house. Three holidays a year at least £7k per holiday (she always tell me). My hubby is builder, small house. Camping holidays. Money is tight. She has a weekly £400 food budget only food. I have £80. She has done well. But she thinks she is superior to me and we have now come to blows.

She don't get on with my hubby they tolerate each other. She charges us for Christmas dinner £25pp. She won't charge neighbours or friends. This year I decided not to go as new baby wanted first Christmas in our house. We popped over there in the afternoon to see children open presents. She has told me that because I did not go for whole day I have ruined Christmas and it can never be taken back. She has not spoken to me since.

When mum died me and hubby bought a house in the same area as her as I felt it would be good for us to be closer. Huge mistake she gets me to go out places like shopping I hate it as I don't have the spare cash. And I don't need to see her spend £100's on clothes and then lunch. I don't have money for that. But she makes me feel obliged.

We have had so many arguments that I really can't list. When I ever reply or answer back she is so insulting to me. I can honestly say I don't like her. She is a snob and very controlling I think I have had enough. Now hubby has opertunity for new job but it's going to be a relocation and i think it would be a good idea.

My friends are horrified over the way she is with me, and say I should walk away. The thing is my mum and dad are both gone. There is no aunts etc. Just us. If I walk away I'm leaving the only family I have left. I know I have hubby and baby.

Since Christmas I have added things to Facebook to try and get dialogue going. E.g posting pictures of baby. But nothing. I know she won't contact me I have to make first contact. She sent me a text Christmas evening after an awful insulting call telling me I ruined Christmas, I'm selfish and that I need to leave her alone.

I feel so alone. I moved to an area, left my friends and hubby family. I have no one here. She knows this. She has not helped me with baby. Mum helped her all the time. Things like having baby for an hour.

I'm writing this and actually thinking to myself I am such a mug. I should relocate and if she wants to visit she can.

I'm also wondering if she is on here and if so the war that will proceed.

[hollyisalovelyname]

I can not believe she did not drop everything to rush to your side when you were ill, in hospital, with a wee baby to mind. Your sil came from much further afield to help out.
Blood is thicker than water but love is thicker than blood.
She does not love you.
Forget her.
Your dh sounds lovely.
Move away with your lovely little family unit and enjoy your life.
This isn't a rehearsal- you only get one shot at life.

[Anaffaquine123]

My parents are dead and my side of the family consists of my Dsis and I. I feel so sad for you that you are treated this way. I will always look out for my little sister and I know she would do the same for me.
Obviously we have squabbles but nothing ever serious.
I can't believe she charges you for Christmas dinner.
If relocating is better for your family unit, do it. I wouldn't cut all ties but I wouldn't worry about what she thinks either. She doesn't seem to care about you much.

[Murphyslaw21]

I'd be stooping her her level.

[figureofspeech]

I will be very happy to or ask your dh to!

Cut of contact and build a new life together with your husband & child. Make new friends in your new area and move forward safe in the knowledge that you are free of the bitter twisted cow

[Murphyslaw21]

Figure I love the idea but I'm a firm believer of what goes around comes around. I couldn't do it

[figureofspeech]

1st class bitch

[figureofspeech]

Save the Christmas dinner money and actually book lunch at a hygiene certified hotel. She shouldn't be charging if she hasn't had all the kitchen checks. Maybe a quiet anonymous word with HMRC / trading standards. She is running an illegal cash in hand business charging people for lunch. That would do loads for her husband's legal reputation.... If you're going to fall out with her you might as well do it spectacularly. Your sister has been turned into a 1st class botch by her husband, time to turn the tables.

[YellowTulips]

For the money she was asking, sod Nigella, I'd be expecting Raymond Blanc for that amount!

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

She wanted to charge you for Christmas dinner?! Who does she think she is?! Nigella frickin Lawson?!

[HPsauciness]

Murphys I think you have misunderstood me, I probably wasn't very clear!

I was trying to say that in general I agree that supporting and helping family is a natural thing to do (and not about entitlement or demanding help). But here- your sister is not supportive and doesn't help. So you don't need to beat yourself up about not being next door to her or hanging out with her a lot, because she doesn't put the support and effort into you. You do reap what you sow in these situations.

You don't necessarily need to do a whole 'no contact' thing though, if that's not what you want, just move away, send her Xmas and birthday cards and take the kids to see each other if you like it. But to date, you are sticking around to be kicked by her essentially, and it sounds like it would be just fine for you to move on and move away!

[Gatehouse77]

I'm just gobsmacked that she charges you for Christmas Day!! I really cannot get my head round that alone

I'd be relocating in a heartbeat. As an adult I consider it my decision who I do/don't spend time with and the 'relative' status holds no water for me.

For example, my mum wanted me to attend a family dinner hosted by an uncle. I refused on the basis that I don't trust this uncle - he plays games with people, isn't honest and was desperately trying to become the patriarch of the family (spectacular flop!). My mum couldn't argue with my reasons as they were justified. I didn't go. It has probably caused some issues further down the line but nothing insurmountable.

Also, your sister doesn't come across as a very pleasant person. Do you actually value her opinion of you? Do you think that she behaves the way someone who cares about you should/would? Do you have any common ground apart from being related? If the answer is no to those questions then relocating sounds like an opportunity for you to start distancing yourself from her and then you'll have a chance to see things from a different perspective and, possibly, her true colours depending on how she reacts to the move.

[Bunbaker]

"Don't put yourself in a position of being trod on repeatedly by some who's not v nice just because she's family."

This ^^

She sounds supremely selfish and so self entitled. You are better off without her.

[2ManySweets]

One life, Murph - go live it for you and your little family and make the positive step.

Don't put yourself in a position of being trod on repeatedly by some who's not v nice just because she's family.

Make the move and gx

[Murphyslaw21]

Hp I know what you mean however... This is a situation that she should of helped me out with. I had to go and have an emergency operation I was very poorly. Fine one day taken into hospital the next night. 6 week old baby. My hubby called to say I was in hospital and they scheduled operation. Could she come up and take 6 week old baby from hospital and have her until hubby got home. Probably would have been all day. She said not really she had to take kids swimming and to birthday party afterwards. She said she would try and pop up and have for an hour or so if that would help. In the end hubby sister got train two hours away and took baby home and stayed for a week.

My sister didn't even visit me until two weeks later. I'm sorry but that hurt she should of dropped everything. It was an emergency.

[Bunbaker]

Good for you. Stay strong and look forward, not back to what might have been.

[Murphyslaw21]

She was very different when mum was here. Me and hubby have said on occasion "she wouldn't do that if mum was here". Mum was very direct and straight. Mum was was very pleased sister has done so well and worried that we struggled at times. But was very supportive.

Over the last couple of days I have seen the light. I'm not bothering contacting her. She can contact me. I'm no longer interested in always trying and making the effort. I know hubby has washed his hands of her. He can't be bothered anymore.

[HPsauciness]

Across But because they 'sowed' seeds of kindness and generosity, they have 'reaped' a harvest of love and generosity from those who love them I have often been struggling to put into words why I think for me, family are very important and if you can, it's good to help out and share, and you've done so in this sentence. Often people write, for example, that grandparents don't help out whatsoever, and people reply that this is because no-one is entitled to help, but this sums up to me why this is the wrong attitude.

However, here, as you point out, there are no seeds of kindness and generosity. I cannot believe charging for Xmas lunch, my husband comes from a much poorer country, and there you would never want for anything, people welcome you into people's homes and share what they have, even if they are not as flash or wouldn't always meet the material standards we are used to- the idea of charging a guest is abhorrent! It's even worse that they are actually quite well off.

I don't think you need cut her off, just move where suits you and your family and where it is all a bit less in your face. If she can't be happy for your move, which sounds good work wise and house wise, just have less contact with her.

[Bunbaker]

I'm sorry, but I struggled to get past the fact that she actually charged you for Christmas dinner

She sounds absolutely vile. You sound lovely. Unfortunately she has got away with walking all over you for years and thinks she can continue to do so. If this Christmas was the first time you stood up to her it sounds like she doesn't know how to deal with it.

How did she treat your mother when she was still alive?

I wouldn't tell her you are moving until you have moved. She clearly doesn't want a sisterly relationship with you, just someone to push around and be her scapegoat. This isn't healthy. She doesn't add anything positive to your life, just unpleasantness, so I would regard her like I would any other unpleasant person, family or not - avoid, avoid, avoid.

[Murphyslaw21]

Holly I would love to do that. And some other things that really would make them cringe.

[Jux]

I bet she checked out the value of the frames and that's what has led to her wanting some of them. Maybe she saw a similar one on Flog It or something.

[Jux]

I posted on your frames thread, and the more I read about her, the more appalled I am. How can someone treat a member of their famliy like she treats you.

She is just horrid to you.

Move. Then send her a text or email with your new address and phone number. The next time she kicks up tell her you don't remember her being so nasty when you were children, but maybe she was..... Read a book while the rockets go off, and then say goodbye.

[Clutterbugsmum]

"God knows what will happen at Christmas"

You go and while every ones sitting at the table, you pull out the money and say in front of everyone here your family share money for dinner as requested this year and previous 5 years.

And as for your mother belongings you have keep them for your family. Your sister have the choice at the same time as you did.

[hollyisalovelyname]

Forget about telling your friends that she has charged you for Christmas dinner for the past five years.
TELL HER FRIENDS.
I bet she'd be mortified - her absolute Scrooge like meaness being laid bare.

[hollyisalovelyname]

What kind of (well off)woman charges her sister for Christmas dinner.
Unbelievable.
You would be well rid if you moved.
She sounds like a very nasty person.
Does she have children?
If not,perhaps she is jealous of you.

[Murphyslaw21]

We live very different lifestyles and I don't think she lives in real world at times.