To feel so awful that my newborn is going to have to have formula

[Givinguph0pe]

Dd was born by c section six weeks early and I wanted to breast feed. However a stay in hospital and the fact I was so stressed about how much milk she was having meant that I swapped to expressing and bottle feeding fairly quickly.
However because I've been so stressed and hardly eating anything (now weigh a stone and a half less than I did pre pregnancy) means that although I'm expressing every three hours I'm not making enough milk for her and she's eating more.

The thought of putting her on formula breaks my heart. I know a lot of babies are ill with you first switch them over and I can't stand the thought of her being ill again. Also I wanted her to have the antibodies from my milk as her immune system must still be vulnerable. She's not quite three weeks old. I have some milk frozen to last maybe another week and then that's it. She will have to have some formula and it will be something else I've let her down on.

The formula smells disgusting too. I keep imagining her little face when she tastes it and realises it isn't breast milk. How do any of them drink it?

Aibu to be so upset about this?

[JasperDamerel]

If you need to supplement and really don't want to give formula, would you consider donated breastmilk? I have friends who have donated ill, and others who have been unable to breastfeed exclusively who have used donated milk. It might be something you want to think about, especially while you are still looking into getting more breastfeeding support.

[Focusfocus]

Forget it not. Minis children have special brain cell thingies that FF kids don't have! It will all be crystal clear under an MRI when you compare the two brains -you know - as you do - when you need to figure out who's got more emotional resilience and who speaks Latin fluently. MRI - brain - see how much larger and better BF babies cells are. As you do.

My poor poor sodding aunt whose first daughter is finishing up her PhD on Alzheimer's treatment and making wedding preps and the second of whom has just gone on to join a national engineering firm.

Yes anecdote. So Deffo won't stand up to the Mri brain scan test in minis link.

Poor girls.

At least my BF son will be better that way.

(In case you ever read this dear cousins I am being sarcastic. You girls rock)

[SauvignonPlonker]

OP, if you feel that you really want to continue, there's some evidence that domperidone can work in women with premature deliveries, to increase breastmilk supply. Apparently there is evidence that supply drops about a month after a premature delivery, just when you need it. Your GP could prescribe it for you.

It is SO tough with an early baby; I didn't use domperidone as DD couldn't latch, as well as my supply being shit. I would have used it if she'd been able to latch on.

I think, having had 2 premature babies, there is SO much grieving going on: for the loss of the remaining pregnancy, a delivery which in most likelihood wasn't your choice. Missing out on taking your baby home, cuddling baby on the sofa.... I could go on.

That's why I found it so hard to let go of breastfeeding. It was so important to me & tied up in my view of what kind of parent I wanted to be. NICU robs you of that choice, deals you a shit deck of cards. Many prem parents are subsequently diagnosed with PTSD.

Any of course when you're emotionally "down that hole" you can't think rationally.

The thing that stopped my expressing for DD was my DS; I had lost all perspective. His whole life had become about being stuck in the house whilst I expressed & fed DD. I decided to be a parent to both my children & stopped. Making the decision was the worst of all, and coming to terms with not BF.

Please, please be kind to yourself. You have had a traumatic time xx

[OliviaMumsnet]

Again, we get that this is a divisive topic but please, there really isn't any need to get personal.


OP hope you and DD are okay - please do take care of yourself

Don't forget, there will be someone here who's been where you are:
if you want help persevering with B/f/expressing
to help with ff
to assist with mixed feeding,
continuing with ff
going back to b/f after formula
any combo of the above or none


And of course there will be help when it's time for weaning too.

The most important thing is that she thrives and that you're kind to yourself
Peace and love
MNHQ

[SpecialLittleLady]

Sorry I have not read all the responses but if you would like to breast feed please just do it. You will make more milk by feeding your LO directly. The baby's saliva promotes the correct composition of milk for your baby and even changes to give more antibodies earn they are ill. Each feed you give will place an order for the next feed. If you have trouble with your latch try out nipple shields and pop to see your local BFN or LLL support person who will give you some top quality advice.

[Givinguph0pe]

It's a struggle to get anywhere at the moment as I had a c section and can't drive. I know there are breast feeding groups but I can't get there for another three weeks.

[CwtchMeQuick]

Giving, I posted when you started this thread and I just wanted to reiterate that I think you've done wonderfully and you've absolutely given your DD the best start.
Whether you decide to continue mix feeding, move to just formula, or try to reestablish breast feeding, make sure it's the best decision for you and your children, not what you feel you should be doing.
As long as your baby is fed, you feed her however works best for you.
Look after yourself

[Brummiegirl15]

Reading these responses are echoing exactly how I'm feeling. My beautiful premature DD who was 6 wks early - and I've been expressing but it's just drying up now. Barely get 40mls a session abd now I've come down with a cold and bad chest that has me on my knees and not expressed for a couple of days and feel so guilty.

Little one seems quite happy guzzling away at her formula but I feel like I've now failed to even give her breast milk. I suspect when I try and express now it'll be nothing.

I keep reminding myself though that bf didn't work, she was too little, too sleepy, got frustrated and upset and I had to give her bottles and ff because she was losing weight and already being premature I couldn't let her do that.

She's now putting weight on and I keep reminding myself of that

[yankeecandle4]

If you have trouble with your latch try out nipple shields and pop to see your local BFN or LLL support person who will give you some top quality advice.

Sound advice, however the OP is 3 weeks post c/s, rather distraught and has lost lots of weight. I doubt she will be in the mood for popping in anywhere. My local LLL support group was 20 miles away and ran once every 3 weeks. It was certainly not an "emergency" advice clinic. (I am giving my circs just to show that not everyone has one in their town, nor is it always a regular thing)

[SauvignonPlonker]

Be very, very kind to yourself, Brummiegirl. You are doing your daughter amazingly well. Glad to hear she is thriving.

[Angelik]

lots of replies, which phone battery won't let me read so sorry if I repeat something g already said but is there a reason why you can't breast and bottle feed? I did it with ds. had several friends who've done it too very successfully. I alternated feeds. a friend breastfed and topped up with a couple of ounces of formula.

whatever you choose your job is to nourish your baby on the best way you can whatever the method.

[Givinguph0pe]

Brummie you've had a tough time too. I remember you from the feb 16 group. I had a different name then.
Congratulations on your much awaited dd.

[Pyjamaramadrama]

Op and brummiegirl I was in the position 6 months ago where I'd given ds a bottle already, I was expressing but it was trying up. I like you gave him formula reluctantly, I cried because I wanted really to breastfeed but it felt hopeless. I was too tired to even think about going to bf groups and I didn't want anymore midwife visits with their conflicting advice.

Looking back though I still had time and I really, really wish I'd kept trying to get him to latch back on.

I've read that things like bathing with the baby can help, carrying the baby in a sling, spending the day in bed with the baby (obviously I understand that these things are easier said when you've a house to run and other children to look after).

I say all this not because I think that there's any problem with formula but because it sounds as though you feel a bit like I did.

Whichever way it works out though the baby will be fine X

[Fuzzyduck21]

Totally get where you're coming from. Ds only got the first few days of breastmilk as he was tongue tied (didn't know then) and I didn't have enough breast tissue so couldn't feed properly. Absolutely broke my heart and 4 months on still not over it but ds is exclusively ff now and he's very very happy and seems bright (I would say that wouldn't I!!). So in the nicest possible way, yabu but understandably. Bf is made to seem easy and like everyone can do it. Truth is, not everyone can. And tbh yes it smells rank but tastes quite good! Fwiw ds didn't get poorly when switching over.

The way I see it, the alternative is a starving baby. It does get easier emotionally. Don't be too hard on yourself. Xx

[PacificDogwod]

This thread needs this link - you should ALL be happy with your achievement, rather than down on any kind of perceived 'failure'.

Congrats, Brummiegirl

[Tamponlady]

My son wasn't Brest fed he's now 16 6ft 2 cheeky and fuck and has never been ill never not a cold or cough nothing never been to hospital not even braces so make of that what you will

He also eats like a horse and sleeps like a baby so much so I can Hoover in his room with out him waking

[coconutpie]

OP, can you call for a private lactation consultant to visit you? That will help immensely. It is definitely possible to get your baby back on the breast, it will just take a bit of work. If you want to do it, then arrange for a consultant to visit you or contact a leader from La Leche and see if they can visit you.

[Givinguph0pe]

Still struggling.
I tried to get her to latch again and she did a few times but now absolutely point blank won't.
I had to introduce one bottle of formula a day which she doesn't seem to like and made her a bit unsettled. The midwife came and said formula isn't suitable for newborns, especially prem babies, and is made for much older babies. She said having formula for newborns is like having a meal in a foreign country and thinking 'I shouldn't have eaten that.' So that made me feel like shit. She suggested expressing every two hours to try and up my supply but I'm absolutely on my knees, I'm so tired. I can't do it and look after my older son as well. I need the baby to breastfeed or go to formula at least some of the time.

Yesterday dd had about 200mls formula and 600mls of my milk and I put colief drops in the formula which caused her to explode so may not do that again. When she has the formula she roots for the bottle and then looks disappointed and hardly has any of the milk. This morning she has only taken 70mls of the formula and she doesn't seem to drink it very easily like she does my milk.

So I still feel very trapped. I can't express any more than I am, I'm only getting an hour's unbroken sleep at a time overnight as it is as did tends to feed mainly at night so is up every couple of hours and then I'm having to express in between. But I feel so terrible about giving her something she doesn't like and might make her uncomfortable. She's already had such a shitty start and that was my fault too and I'm letting her down again. I love her so much but I wish I hadn't had her because I can't look after her properly.

[Pico2]

The MW's comment about formula not being suitable for newborns runs against the experience of hundreds of thousands of parents who have fed their newborns formula. Bearing in mind that your baby, whilst prem, would now be term.

Could you offer a small bottle of formula mixed with expressed milk to see if that helps (perhaps a couple of oz, To minimise the expressed milk used)?

Would a different brand of formula make a difference? I know that people swear they are all the same, but others report that their baby was much better on one than another.

[CwtchMeQuick]

What the midwife has said to you is tactless, insensitive and wrong.
You are doing fantastically. You feed your baby however you need to.
What formula are you giving? I fed DS sma but I've heard aptimil is the closest to breast milk, not sure how true that is though.
Do you have much real life support?
None of this is your fault. You have not let your baby down and you are looking after her wonderfully. Don't doubt yourself. You are doing your absolute best in a difficult situation and that is most definitely good enough

[Givinguph0pe]

She's having aptimil. I am worried she will starve because I don't have enough breast milk and she seems very reluctant to have the formula. I didn't know you could mix them together, I will try that.

[eatingworms]

OP I may have missed it but what is it that made you think your baby wasn't getting enough milk in the first place? It's not clear from your OP - is she gaining weight ok and producing wet and dirty nappies?

[Givinguph0pe]

She is but she sometimes goes longer than four hours between feeds and that worries me.

[Pico2]

I don't know if there is any reason not to mix them together. It's what I plan to do to switch over to cows milk for DD2 who is nearly 1. I guess that most people don't mix them as they aren't expressing to get the breastmilk.