To feel so awful that my newborn is going to have to have formula

[Givinguph0pe]

Dd was born by c section six weeks early and I wanted to breast feed. However a stay in hospital and the fact I was so stressed about how much milk she was having meant that I swapped to expressing and bottle feeding fairly quickly.
However because I've been so stressed and hardly eating anything (now weigh a stone and a half less than I did pre pregnancy) means that although I'm expressing every three hours I'm not making enough milk for her and she's eating more.

The thought of putting her on formula breaks my heart. I know a lot of babies are ill with you first switch them over and I can't stand the thought of her being ill again. Also I wanted her to have the antibodies from my milk as her immune system must still be vulnerable. She's not quite three weeks old. I have some milk frozen to last maybe another week and then that's it. She will have to have some formula and it will be something else I've let her down on.

The formula smells disgusting too. I keep imagining her little face when she tastes it and realises it isn't breast milk. How do any of them drink it?

Aibu to be so upset about this?

[PitilessYank]

YABU. Please don't feel bad. I BF four kids, but not exclusively, because I could never pump enough milk to keep up with their needs once I went back to work. I do recall smelling and tasting the formula and crying to my husband about how ghastly it was. And I also recall seeing my babies' poops change from lovely runny orange poops to ugly smelly dark poops and I used that as further proof of my maternal failure. I do wish I hadn't been so hard on myself because in retrospect it all came out fine.

Be easy on yourself. Have a lovely time with your baby. All is well. Formula is perfectly fine. My babies never seemed to care which they got in a feeding.

[minifingerz]

Have I missed the OP talking about the intensive support and counselling she's had to address her breastfeeding problems and see if she can resolve them?

People who ff seem to love nothing better than finding someone who's struggling with breastfeeding so they can encourage them to stop doing it and assure them that it doesn't matter / there are no real benefits and it's all a bit crap anyway. You guys are falling over yourselves.

Seriously - 90 posts telling the OP that breastfeeding is pointless. She'll have got the message.

[OfaFrenchmind2]

It's not that BF is pointless. It's the fact that new mothers are crippling themselves with guilt and destroying whatever health is remaining after giving birth over it that is.

[jorahmormont]

FFS mini this isn't the thread to start running another of your crusades on.

No-one has said breastfeeding is pointless - not that I've seen, anyway. We've all just said our babies have thrived without breastmilk, which is true (unless you're calling 90 of us liars/delusional?).

We're falling over ourselves to help someone who is at the point where the vast majority of us have been - facing extreme guilt, massive pressure in all directions and all soon after giving birth and the added stress the OP has faced. It doesn't matter to any of us how the OP actually feeds her baby, as long as the baby gets fed and the OP doesn't feel too much guilt over it. I think you're confusing us with the 'every baby MUST breastfeed' brigade who really do get a chip on their shoulder about how women feed their babies.

If you want yet another BF vs FF debate, start another thread. Maybe for just this thread, you could listen to what MNHQ have requested - making life easier, peace and love, that sort of thing?

[HellYeahIRememberAurora]

Formula is awesome.

I didn't breastfeed. Never even tried it, gave me the heebie jeebies and after a difficult birth I was in no fit state anyway.

Daughter (aged 1) is thriving, healthy, intelligent and happy. Now she's losing interest in her milk, she's a fantastic eater and (other than cucumber) I'm yet to find anything she doesn't like.

She's wonderful. She wouldn't have been any more wonderful had she been BF.

[HairyLittleCarrot]

OP
I recommend you speak to a qualified breastfeeding counsellor - privately and away from AIBU.
If you have decided to stop bf they will help you come to terms with that, and help you with your feelings. They will be kind, non judgemental and will let you make your own informed decision free from undue influence.
If any part of you wants to know if there is a realistic chance of continuing bf, then this is how you will find the truth out.

There is only one way a thread like this will end though.

Please give a shout out to tiktok on the feeding topic and she or someone else will signpost you to get real help, whatever you choose to do.

[alltheworld]

I ebf but found expressing hard...I think your supply would improve if you put the baby on the boob but if you have to ff, its fine..most important thing is a happy mummy

[yankeecandle4]

mini where is this intensive breast feeding support that you speak of? Mine were born in a capital city hospital and there was one BF counsellor in the hospital who you couldn't get an appointment with for several weeks not that she was much help. I have just googled and cannot find a private one in my (capital) city.

The OP is resigned to the fact that she will be FF so I think that the posters are trying to reassure her that FF will not kill her child.

[Feeches]

IME the immediate support for new mums wishing to bf is pisspoor to non existent. And by immediate I mean on the postnatal ward. The support I got was in the form of a variety of harassed midwives with conflicting approaches.

The support offered in the community was admittedly much better but for me this was too late. If I had only known how hard bf could be I would've persisted as I now know that these common problems can be overcome.

If the NHS wants to value bf then they need to be more honest about the challenges as well as promoting the benefits. And there needs to be more on site immediate support. Doubtful in the current economic climate.

But telling FF parents to essentially shut the fuck up offers nothing to the value of bf.

[chumbler]

Yankee I'm sorry you didn't get support but please don't generalise - I live in a very rural place and the support is FANTASTIC. My hv pointed me in their direction.

[SauvignonPlonker]

Like OP, I struggled to BF my premature DD. The challenges of feeding a prem baby are so much more complex: being separated from your baby, pumping 3 hourly to try & establish a supply, jaundiced/sleepy babies who have no suck reflex & can't latch & often have health issues eg hypoglycaemia, temperature regulation. If only all the issues were solved by sodding fenugreek tea & skin-to-skin, the standard advice that is always trotted out & isn't much use with prem-related issues.

Whilst the nurses in scbu were supportive, there is very little specialist support out there. Community midwife visits stopped for me when DD was still in scbu as I'd had my "package of care". Local breastfeeding support groups were nice informal chit-chats. The most appropriate service was a 30min drive away, when I'd had an emcs & couldn't drive, plus DP was back at work (He'd already taken nearly 3 weeks off). I phoned our health-boards infant feeding advisor in desperation.

Unfortunately with a premature delivery, the odds are stacked against you being able to successfully breastfeed. I know a few who managed, all with their 1st DC (much easier to focus on a pumping schedule when you only have 1). But it didn't work for the majority, for many of the reasons outlined above. Of the 10 or so mum's I kept in touch with from NNU, not one of us breastfed, and not through choice. Despite domperidone, pumping 3 hourly, sodding fenugreek tea, skin to skin.

Sometimes it just doesn't work.

[nephrofox]

HIPP organic formula doesn't smell anywhere near as bad as the rest

[bumbleymummy]

If you want to continue breastfeeding (and it is possible to build up supply again - babies are better than pumps at extracting milk!) then I suggest that you post in the feeding section rather than here. You'll get plenty of really helpful advice. Congratulations and good luck :)

[Madratlady]

If you still want to breastfeed then get some good breastfeeding support - local support group/peer supporter/lactation consultant. You can build your supply up even if baby needs top ups to start with.

Another option is to mix feed expressed milk and formula for the feeds when you haven't any expressed milk left. That's what I did with my first DS who couldn't/wouldn't latch. My milk supply dropped dramatically at 4 months though and I switched to formula.

If you do decide to formula feed then don't beat yourself up over it. Your baby will be fine, you've done great providing breastmilk up to this point and that will have benefits.

[confusedandemployed]

Feeches, excellent post. It's all very well the NHS thrusting BF down our necks but when midwives and HVs know next to nothing about how to support bf mothers who are struggling it's all yet another complete waste of public money, the fucking idiots. And I speak from experience.

[SweetieDrops]

People who ff seem to love nothing better than finding someone who's struggling with breastfeeding so they can encourage them to stop doing it and assure them that it doesn't matter / there are no real benefits and it's all a bit crap anyway. You guys are falling over yourselves

Or maybe just using the benefit of our experience to reassure a stressed and anxious new mother that formula won't harm her baby?

[Jux]

Not so, minifingerz, what a crass and ignorant thing to say. Are you new?

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

Oh jux if only...

[Starbores]

No mini is not new she just waits for the opportunity to put down formula feeders.

[SuckingEggs]

What's the alternative, OP? That your baby is malnourished?

I know how you feel, largely because I was bullied by the breastapo (also had cs, was ill, small DC).

I combined - expressed what I could and topped up with formula. We are lucky to have these things to help tbh.

Please do not stress.

[Noideaatall]

I rarely post but I feel so strongly about this.

You can have all the support in the world (I did) but sometimes it just can't be done. DS1 ended up in hospital at 4 weeks old because I just couldn't accept it wasn't going to work.

I still struggled on for more than a year.

I missed all that time with my baby because I was expressing, waking myself though the night every 3 hours and spending an hour each time. And I still had to top up with formula.

Don't be me. Spend that time with your lovely baby instead.

[AbbyCadabby]

You are probably making enough. Pumping is no indication of supply.
www.emmapickettbreastfeedingsupport.com/twitter-and-blog/low-milk-supply-101
Get the best support you can and keep at it. Good luck, and congratulations.

[SuckingEggs]

Please don't feel you have to keep at it if you can't do it. It also made me feel like utter crap and I'm fucking furious now at what I was put through by the idiots who did not listen. Thank goodness my midwife was switched on and advised me to FF, or DC would have been dreadfully underweight.



It shouldn't be so bloody traumatic.