Is anyone else on MN an only child? Does it bother you much if you are one?

[MotherHen680]

I'm an only. I've always been a bit wistful about not having siblings, and I think it bothers me more than it should. Apart from the practical advantages that come with having siblings, including having another family member to lean on when you're in a crisis, looking out for each other, and being able to share the burden when a parent dies, I don't really understand the logic in choosing to only have one child. I don't actually know anyone in real life who's an only, apart from me.

You might be right Compo, I definitely remember feeling in dire need of an ally though, and even an equally miserable ally would've been good!

I agree about the child-centric thing - so I will take ours to soft play and Centre Parcs and so on, because even if they wouldn't be my first choice of places to spend time as an adult, if the kids are having genuine fun then we as a family all do. Fortunately they do have a pretty good filter for the completely crap so we're not spending every weekend in a Whacky Warehouse or something!

I'm an only, as is DH, and we are both very happy that way, and have been since children. At age 5-6 ish I queried being an only, but I've never been bothered by the absence of a sibling and have great relationships with both my parents (as DH does with his).

My parents and PILs all have/had at least two siblings, none of them are close, which really doesn't make me think I missed out on anything!

DD is currently my only child, but I'm pregnant with a second. If she'd have had cousins I wouldn't be bothered by her remaining an only, but as both her parents are onlies there will be very little extended family, so I'm enormously grateful that she will have a sibling.

I'm an only and didn't have too much fun as a child - possibly because my parents weren't terribly happy together, and I didn't have a sibling to share the worry with. Now, I'd love for my DCs to have cousins, aunts, uncles, and I'd have loved to be an aunt.

snow and compos your childhood memories remind me of mine

I was a 70s/80s child. My parents owned a caravan in Lulworth, Dorset for the whole of my childhood. (Never got on a plane until my late 30s in fact). My holiday memories were of getting up, having a bit of toast, and then leaving the caravan AND the campsite and roaming the hills, fields and cliff tops alone for hours at a time. I was in heaven. I knew the countryside like the back of my hand from the age of 8 or so and would roam about like some skinny, tanned, wild waif. Sometimes sitting on a fence by the cliff path, half way up, watching the families dragging their stuff to and from the beach. Or go down to the cove alone, buy myself an ice cream, wander the shore, clamber over the rocks and watch the fishermen. Maybe lay down at the top of the cliffs and listen to the sky larks. Before running and skipping over the hills to the campsite. God i was fit back then, lol.

Parents would be back at the caravan preparing an afternoon out to a castle, or monument. Sometimes the beach. Shell Bay anyone?

My DCs adore Dorset. They had many lovely holidays there. But their memories are more of playing together on the beach. Big pic nics, ect. The odd castle. I would NO WAY have let mine just roam the way i did!

Yep I hate it. I've had 4dc.

Ha, Eponas, that made me smile!

I guess the point is though that you were happy alone. Playing on a beach on my own I would've been happy. Being told to stand quietly for flipping ages in crap weather while my parents discovered some rare thingamummybob did not make me, or many other 10-year olds I can imagine, happy.

My parents were big proponents of IfNot's 'constructive boredom', and I don't think there's anything wrong with a bit of being left to your own devices. Even today I'm very happy on my own, and I notice DD likes a bit of 'me time' too (DS is much more social). But I think the point at which mild boredom crosses into dreading spending holidays or weekends because they will basically make you quite unhappy, and a sense that that your happiness and enjoyment isn't very important, is what I'm desperately trying to avoid with my children.

It might be character building up to a point, but I think I have put up with too much crap in my life (career wise mostly, DH is lovely) and I'd actually like my children to be more comfortable saying 'This is bollocks, let's try doing what I want to do for a bit'

Ah, well, I guess balance in all things is the key snow. To be fair, my parents went ones for artifacts and whatnot, so my childhood looked more like eponas (and my blood runs cold at the thought of my dc having that kind of freedom!)

Snow I don't think it made me as unhappy as it made you, just a low background hum of boredom. I don't think it even entered my mind that you could actually enjoy yourself on holiday.

That said, I don't much enjoy going on holiday now, so perhaps it did leave its mark!

I think for me it was more that the boring holidays and weekends went with boring days during the week/term. My parents weren't even sociable enough to leave me to my own devices outside a pub, because they wouldn't ever go there. Once I was at secondary some of my friends' parents were absolutely lovely, sociable, and interesting people. My parents would drop me at the end of the road rather than go in and talk to them. Then complain there was no one who shared their interests nearby!

Throw in some bullying/social isolation for periods at school, and I was an only child, on my own, and bored, a LOT of the time.

I've gone the other way with holidays, I loved them with DH even before we had kids and love them just as much now. We go to cities, we do sports, if we go somewhere quite remote we make sure we find FUN stuff to do, even if it's simple things like kite flying. I spend ages researching the area and we are GOOD at holidays now !

There's a happy medium between bringing up a child who expects entertainment and stimulation every available moment (theme parks, play station, sky tv, constant play dates, etc) and treating your child like a bit of baggage which will just happily go along with the adult stuff ... or sit quiet.

Personally i think i was lucky. I wasn't always expected to do what my parents were doing. If i wasn't interested i was just sort of set free. Home and on holiday. Holidays were always in that unspoilt spot at the coast and home was a short trip from central London. Consequently i graduated to roaming London once i was about 13.

With my DCs i like to provide plenty of toys which take a bit of imagination - Lego etc, and limit screen time without fear. Best of both worlds with a bit of luck. I think because of my childhood i get cross with kids who cant/wont entertain themselves for an hour.