Is anyone else on MN an only child? Does it bother you much if you are one?

[MotherHen680]

I'm an only. I've always been a bit wistful about not having siblings, and I think it bothers me more than it should. Apart from the practical advantages that come with having siblings, including having another family member to lean on when you're in a crisis, looking out for each other, and being able to share the burden when a parent dies, I don't really understand the logic in choosing to only have one child. I don't actually know anyone in real life who's an only, apart from me.

I'm an only and had a fantastic upbringing. I remember the first time my parents went away on holiday on their own, I was about 17, and my dad told me where the wills were kept etc if anything happened. That worried me and made me wish I had siblings to help deal with things, but I've never felt like I've missed out in something. My ds is only 5 months and I don't know how I'd feel about having another child in the future but it won't upset me if he ends up being an only too, I won't feel like he's missing out.

Great. Sunday night guilt kick started by this thread over my only child. I get through each week fine I think then something always seems to crop up on a Sunday which makes me feel my (seemingly very happy) DS's life will be awful by being an only.

There are pros & cons both ways. I had one child, not completely by choice but shes doing great. I remember years ago someones negative comment hitting a nerve & i practically apologised to my dd for letting her down on the sibling front, she looked at me like id lost the plot big time. I think we are very glass half full here & make the most of what we have. I'm sorry you feel as you do OP but what cant be changed has to be lived with.

I had 2 siblings (twins) One died days after birth and the the other is severely brain damaged.
I was incredibly lonely as a child, my parents time was taken up firstly by my sibling and then by themselves. I came last. Every time.
I did not wish for further siblings.
I wished I had not been born at all.
I was and continue to be quite insignificant in their lives. They are a closed unit.
I'm aware that I sound resentful. I am.
In reality they could've done so much more for me, to include me.
Occasionally when one of them has had too much red wine, I'll get an apology for 'doing it all wrong'. It helps but it doesn't replace the cuddles, the 'I love you's, the unpurchased school photos. All things my sibling was showered with. Whilst I watched.

So, I wish I had been an only child because now that I have been blessed with MY child, I know without doubt that she will be an only - I couldn't bear not to ever love her less or share her or miss out on any little nuance.

The grass is not necessarily greener.

I'm an only and have an only. Apart from some generalised wistfulness when I was very little, I'm really happy.

My cousins are a family of 5 and while what they have is very different and good in its own way, the grass isn't necessarily greener.

I don't feel that I've missed out on anything. My mum and father sperm donor both had several brothers and sisters and it seems that there was only ever tension or blatant antagonism between one sibling and another at any given time. I have enough stress in my life as it is, let alone having a sibling to complicate things.

I'm an only, the daughter of an only (my DF) and married an only. I was determined to have more than one child, but I had to persuade DH first. I love watching the love and loyalty between my two DC, although I know they drive each other up the wall sometimes too.

I always wanted a sibling when I was a child. I pretended to friends at school that I had siblings and I also made up imaginary siblings that I used to chat to at home. I had a younger cousin I loved very much, but he died when I was in my 20s, which made me feel very alone. After that, I had no one of my generation in my family anymore - everyone was older. Most of them have died now and I just have my DM and an aunt and uncle (who I rarely see) left.

My DH and I have the sole responsibility of caring for our DMs as they grow older and it is a tough burden to cary, especially as one of our DC has SNs. I'm glad I broke the pattern.

carry

I'm an only child. My childhood was happy. However, I'm envious of people's sibling relationships. It might help if I had a brood of cousins nearby, but I don't. Good friends are precious, though, and I'm thankful for them. Also, DH will help with funeral/probate stuff when the time comes. I'm not exactly miserable about it.

I'm an only - love it! Never wanted siblings.

I think lots of people have partners etc to share the burden with. I don't, nor do I have any DC - I'm close to my parents but generally very solitary.

Obviously everyone's experience is different but I had a friend who came from a big family, she was very needy because she couldn't bear to be on her own for very long.

Nothing I have seen of various sibling relationships has made me want one! It's going to be difficult as my parents get older (especially as I don't drive) but I'm very glad my parents stopped at one!

I am one of three and currently have three are am considering a fourth.

Weirdly I either wanted one or three or four- not two. I can definitely see benefits to having just one child. Two looks dull to me and I love the noise and busyness of having 3.

DD1s closest friends are onlies. I encourage the friendships. She has had some lovely 'play dates' with activities geared up her age and really benefits from the attention. In return her friends seem to enjoy being part of our little gang. Win win.

I'm an only and hated it. My father was disabled; my mother very distant, and they had an unhappy marriage. I spent lots of my childhood feeling lonely. When my dad died I started having psychotherapy because I couldn't make a connection with my mum, there was no one to give me that stable base I needed, and I felt so, so alone. I realised nobody knew what it was like to be in my family. Nobody "got it" the way a sibling would.

Dementia runs in my family, and if/when it hits my mum I know her care and decision-making on her behalf will be down to me alone. I have twins now, and I am so relieved they have each other.

I'm an only. I remember thinking when I was wee (now 40) that I was glad my mum didn't have any more (which X she would have loved) as I couldn't bear to share her, it's a selfish thing that continues to this day. My DS is an only and so close to my Adam. She's now got a terminal illness and time is very short, again selfishly I wish I had a sibling to share this fear with me, I feel I'm drowning all alone.

**my Adam is clearly my mum - sorry

I'm an only child and I hate it, it feels so lonely and I dread having to face my parents getting ill or dying in the future on my own. It's also annoying when people assume I'm spoilt or can't get along with people because of it.

I suppose I could have ended up with horrible siblings but it doesn't stop me wanting one, perhaps more now than I did as a child. I have 1 DS and despite having a horrendous birth first time round that has put me off a fair bit I will still try for another DC.

Moo min I'm going through that just now, mum is terminal. I wish I had someone to share the pain with I have DF and DP but you know what I mean it's happening and I'm dealing with it, probably not brilliantly as I have spent all night sobbing whilst DP is upstairs keeping out of it and DS is at his dad's. I dread the inevitable as my DS sees my mum as another mum, but, I adore the fact that she is so much to him as she is to me. You will cope, because you love her so much. Rambling as still teary and wine fuelled

This is an interesting thread for me. I'm eldest of 5 but not close with my siblings- see them 2/3 times a year. I've just had my first, and likely to be only, child. Husband would like two but I'm not prepared to go through pregnancy and labour again and financially we can't afford a second and maintain a lifestyle we are happy with. I don't think my son will miss out. I'd have done anything to be an only child! (I was 6 when my sister came along,I was very happy without her!).

So we have the lonely onlies V the complete families of the wonderfully fertile.

What should we call that fucking shit fucking finite time slot when all you need is one fucking sacred sperm?

(Sorry).

It has never bothered me but now it's quite difficult trying to care for my mum and childless auntie as well as disabled DD

12 years apart between me and my brother. I remember the intensity of my relationship with my parents (I was their joy and the center of their universe). I did not like it one bit, Christmas brings back upsetting memories. In an effort to break away from them I was a DREADFUL teenager.
I did have extended family (cousins) I wish we had lived closer and I had been more verbal. I probably could have used some MH counseling.
Then my brother arrived, sweet little irritating soul he was. Not long after I moved away. We have a very respectful relationship.

I'm an only and always wanted a sibling. But possibly might have liked the idea more than the reality. I have quite a few younger cousins and don't like them much!

I am an only, so is my DH and my DS will be too. I can honestly say it has never really bothered me, it's normal to me.

I'm an only, can't say I'm massively bothered about it. It would be nice to have siblings but no family's perfect and I'm sure everyone would like to change something about their family set up. Eg my Mum had 4 brothers and longed for a sister.

The only thing that bothers me is other people's attitudes to onlies. When I was growing up it was the selfish/spoiled stereotype, these days it's the 'you can't possibly understand what sibling relationships are like' thing.

Reading through the posts on here it seems that whether you are an only or not it has no bearing on whether you had a happy childhood or whether you are a happy adult.

The unhappiness seems to come from distant or self centred parents, fighting or selfish siblings, unmet expectations, not from actually being an only child or not.

I'm not an only but I have an only.

I'm an only. It's had its pros and cons. But now my parents are elderly and I'm facing all the practical and (more importantly) emotional fallout from stroke, dementia and general ill health I really do wish I had a sibling more than ever.