Is anyone else on MN an only child? Does it bother you much if you are one?

[MotherHen680]

I'm an only. I've always been a bit wistful about not having siblings, and I think it bothers me more than it should. Apart from the practical advantages that come with having siblings, including having another family member to lean on when you're in a crisis, looking out for each other, and being able to share the burden when a parent dies, I don't really understand the logic in choosing to only have one child. I don't actually know anyone in real life who's an only, apart from me.

Motherhen, to hopefully put your mind at ease, I read an article about someone looking after their aged mother. Can't remember all the detail but it ended up being a positive thing to be an only in this situation - no one to question your decisions, no one to be disappointed in when they don't come up to scratch etc. Friends, partners and other relatives should be relied on to help in these situations. If they can't be then who is to say a sibling would be in the same situation.

Don't waste life being worried or wistful about it in respect to this aspect of life x

I have a large number of half siblings. I wish I had been the only one. The jealousy, competitiveness is too much to deal with. I went NC for a good 7 years and as soon as I can move towns I will do so again.

I can't see anything beneficial in having siblings. I have seen first hand that it's easier to do everything alone just to stop any disagreements. It's not isolated to my generation but to that of my auntsand uncles and my grandparents siblings have all died so I don't know how it was for them.

I'm pretty sure I will become the sibling who is talked about on forums like this who ditch their families and responsibilities. 'Abandoning' everyone when it comes to funerals, finding care for older relatives but big families and siblings aren't all they've cracked up to be. They are a pain in the back side, make you question your worth and impact on your relationships.

I'm an only, I've always been happy and I've never wished for a sibling. The biggest disadvantage I can see is if my parents were to need care, it would be very difficult as I live 2 hours away. Still, given that most young people move away from where we grew up for better employment, it would likely still be a problem with 2 or 3.

I think my personality suits being an only as I'm very independent and like my own space.

The only thing that annoys me about being an only is the stereotype that if you're quiet it's because you never learned to interact but if you're not it's because you were a little emperor.

I think if you had a stable happy childhood, the size of your family and other factors aren't important.

It tends to be people who are unhappy in other ways who focus on something they can focus on, if you see what I mean.

I am not an only, but now our parents are dead, my disabled sibling is like an anchor around my neck and it's awful.

I'm an only, now NC with my parents. "D"F is abusive, aggressive, narcissistic and spiteful. DM and I used to be close (out of the effort I put in) but will always side with F.

I eventually got sick of years of being belittled, bullied, picked on, beaten down etc and cut them both off.

I hate being an only child and it makes me more upset that if I'd had a sibling they might not have been able to treat me the way they did. It worked very well for them because I was the only witness and they could easily accuse me of making it up, lying, remembering things wrong or just "being too sensitive". If I'd had someone else there we could have supported each other and things k

*things might have been a bit more normal.

But that would be an idealistic outcome. And to be fair I'd never want anyone else to go through what I've experienced, so I try to think it's better it was just me.

My mum has a sister. She was no help at all when my grandparents were ill and when they died. Instead she relied on my sisters and I, my dad and her two closest friends. DD may be an only - if she is when we are older we will make sure all our wishes of what will happen if we can no longer decide for ourselves are written down and that there is plenty of money to enable us to pay for our own care.

I'm somewhat dismayed at those many posters who think a sibling is important to help share the burden of ailing parents. My sibling has various issues and I have had to deal with ill parents alone.

Siblings may get on and support each other. Equally they may not. Shared family history does not guarantee anything.

My mum is an only. She his in her early 80's and has yearned for a sibling her whole life. My mum will always say to those who ask. 'It's selfish parents who have one by choice' they are thinking solely of their time, money, effort and not the long term happiness of their child" I am one of three, so cannot begin to imagine what it would be like not to have my lovely siblings. My mother (for whom this topic is a favourite) would also counter the argument about 'idealising sibling relationships - and perhaps you wouldn't like them/get on with them" with, you can always walk away if you don't get on but that choice is never there for an only...for background, she had devoted parents who gave her every possible advantage.

I'm not an Only
Dd is and it terrifies me

hawkeye so sorry for what you're going through

I'm an only and it didn't bother me in the slightest as a child. As an adult with two deceased parents it's another story!! When my dad died my mum took it very very badly and I would have loved someone to have helped me with her. Now she's dead I feel so alone!! I have cousins but they don't live close and we are not close

I was an only child until I was 12 and I loathed it. I was desperately lonely and craved friendship and company- I wanted somebody to share experiences. My half brother came along and it was wonderful and we get on extremely well. I love being a sister.
My OH was the third of 4 and even though they don't all get on 100% of the time I can see how much he cares for his siblings and how they support each other. We don't have children yet but I can't bear the thought of having just one.

Two of my close friends are only children and love it though- they want just one themselves. My family is rather dysfunctional though so I imagine that my own experience has tainted things

My son is an only child as DH really didn't want us to have another - this was due to his sibling. A decade on I can see now that the dynamic has been set up by his parents but it has led to unhappiness all round. I suspect covert narcissism but that's another story.

I wish I had pursued it more at the time (I'm too old/age gap too big now) as I really wish my son has a sibling - so does he occasionally - but he also recognises the positives. He's very sociable and makes friends easily so that has made me feel less guilty.

I'm an only. It didn't bother me in the slightest as a child. It hit home when I realised I had no-one to turn to when my mother was dying of cancer. Sorting out the practicalities was hard too.

Not sure if this has been said, but in my experience onlies tend to be either very capable and independent or very needy, demanding and spoilt. Very little middle ground.

My dd is an only too. She's savvy enough to realise that she gets all the attention (in a good way).

I got all the attention, but it wasn't all positive attention. You can"t share the blame for misdemeanours and feel the brunt of any conflict in the home.

I always felt that everything was my fault.

I'm an only and it doesn't bother me at all. After years of caring for my eldest son even the caring for elderly parents side doesn't bother me. I suspect if I had a sibling I'd be doing it all anyway as I know my way around the system better than most & live near my parents.

I've seen enough dysfunctional sibling relationships to know a supportive, rewarding relationship isn't guaranteed

I'm an only child and my DH is one of 4. He doesn't have a close relationship with his two living siblings at all.

I do have an older half sister but she went NC with my father many years ago so I've not seen her since I was 15. We keep in very sporadic contact but she doesn't want a relationship with me because she sees it as a way back to my father. It's a pity that her two children and my son have missed out on an aunty and cousins, but there it is.

Having siblings isn't a universal panacea and while you may have nobody to share the burden of sick elderly parents with (assuming that your siblings haven't emigrated to Australia), you don't have to split the inheritance either. I don't feel like I particularly missed out. I have lots of cousins but they are all much older than me (and two much younger, the products of my uncle's second marriage).

DH and I have a sibling each, separated from us by 8/9 years (I'm an older sib, he's a younger sib). We deliberately had 2 DC very close together to try and reduce the chances of them being as distant from each other as we are from our own siblings (we believe that the age gap isn't solely responsible but really didn't help). Our DC are very close (for better or worse sometimes) and their relationship is actually the part of my family that I enjoy most. I love that they love each other.

I don't think anyone should pass judgement on those who have one child, although it is a decision I would struggle to understand myself if having more was a realistic option.

My mum will always say to those who ask. 'It's selfish parents who have one by choice'

Putting yourself through a pregnancy should not be because you are worried about people calling you selfish. Quite apart from the fact that it's not that easy for some people to get pregnant again.

I would say that somethings it's the other way round - the parents yearn for a second child (or more) and don't think about the impact on their existing child or children at all.

As with some other posters, I never minded when I was little and was quite content in my own company and that of friends. In many ways, at that age, I'm not sure you miss what you don't have in the same way you might when you're older.

I'm noticing it now. I am nearly 42, have been single 6 years and I have no children (by choice). Christmas was a very cold affair (my parents and I aren't close). If I had a partner, it would have been better. But even without a partner, if there had been a sibling there (quite probably with their OH and children) it would have been better too.

As the years go by with me still being single, I'm feeling more and more aware that soon there will be just me. At least if I had a sibling, I wouldn't feel that - even if we didn't necessarily get on!

I'm an only, and whilst my parents weren't distant they both worked a hell of a lot.

I loved being an only, and my solitude. It possibly made me a loner, especially in my teen years as I didn't particularly have any friends, but I never really thought about it and certainly didn't crave a sibling.

Now, the only thing which really worries me is my parents getting old. When my Nan went into a home and then died, my dad had lots of support from his sister. My mum shares any responsibility from my elderly grandparents with her siblings. I won't have anyone, and that's pretty scary.

i am an only child and both my parents are dead .its bloody awful i have no one left to share my memories with good or bad .i had 3 sons because i would hate for them to feel left like this .fine when you are young but not as an adult .

My mum will always say to those who ask. 'It's selfish parents who have one by choice' they are thinking solely of their time, money, effort and not the long term happiness of their child"

I have to admit this is what I said to DH when he was adamant he didn't want another. He was going on about if we had a 2nd child it would mean we wouldn't be able to afford to go on as nice holidays

am an only child and both my parents are dead .its bloody awful i have no one left to share my memories with good or bad.

I think this is one of my biggest driving factors. Me and my sister are very close in age (1yr and 3wks) and she is without a doubt my best friend. The reason why I had such a fantastic childhood was because I shared it with her. We can spend hours reminiscing about all the good aspects and funny bits of our childhood and I can't imagine not having anyone to do that with.

Oh, and in response to anyone who is like the mum who says "it's selfish parents who have one by choice" can I just say BOLLOCKS. My parents only had me because they couldn't afford any more children and, quite honestly, could barely afford to have me. They rented a place that really wasn't in the best of conditions, we didn't have a phone until 1985 (when I was 11) and the first time we ever went away on holiday for a week was to a holiday camp when I was 13. Money was extremely tight and we mostly lived in jumble sale clothes. But it was a very happy childhood but one think my parents were not were selfish. They were damned sensible not to keep popping out more kids they couldn't afford or expect other people to pay for them.