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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was My Colleague Totally U? I think She was..

464 replies

CaptainCrunch · 09/01/2016 15:59

Hi everyone,

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I am a Learning Assistant in a Primary School, we returned on Wednesday for an inservice day. There were 2 boxes of chocolates wrapped up on the staff room table with a card in a sealed envelope on top marked "To support staff".

We went off and did some training and came back for our break to see that the one of the boxes had been opened, almost completely finished and our card opened too, the envelope scrunched up beside it.

We were a bit annoyed as the teaching staff have form for horsing all the goodies before any support staff can get near it (they take their breaks before us).

With the agreement of my colleagues I wrote this note on the staff room whiteboard:

"Hi, just to say the chocs were specifically for support staff..we have no problem sharing them, but would have preferred to open the card and gift ourselves" and signed it from all the support staff.

The next day I walked into my class and a box of chocs was on my desk, turns out it was my class teacher who had opened them.

She was absolutely horrible to me and said "I'm really pissed off about that note, I've replaced the chocolates". This was in a very nasty, abrupt tone.

I said it wasn't about the chocolates it was because it was clearly marked to us and had been opened without our consent.

She then said "Well, I didn't read the envelope properly, I thought it said to ALL staff...there's a ridiculous divide between the support staff and teaching and shit like this doesn't help".

I was really stunned. We get on well together and I really admire her but I thought this was completely uncalled for.

She is correct in that there is a bit of a divide...mainly because a lot of the teaching staff treat us like second class citizens, some can barely bring themselves to say "good morning".

I'm not going to let it affect our professional relationship, but she's really gone down in my estimation and it's left a bad taste.

Am I being U to let this bug me so much?

OP posts:
HowBadIsThisPlease · 10/01/2016 20:59

CaptainCrunch - not sure if your "sock puppet" post was addressed to me or not- if so, you misunderstood. I have not accused you of being a sock puppet! I was making a joke that the teacher with the name beginning Wicked is so outrageously arrogant that she demonstrates the various points about arrogant teachers perfectly - almost as if she was designed to do so... (not that I actually believe she is. Tragically I fear she's real)

littlemermaid80 · 10/01/2016 20:59

Crunch that's ok I've got Wine
Grin

Original poster
CaptainCrunch · 10/01/2016 21:00

Cool howbad, yes she did seem a caricature of an arrogant, condescending teacher so I get your point Smile

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 10/01/2016 21:03

Did someone bring buns into this thread?

roundaboutthetown · 10/01/2016 21:03

What present was wrapped up for the teachers, btw? Or did the HT not think the teachers deserved a present? Grin

Original poster
CaptainCrunch · 10/01/2016 21:05

The teachers got chocolates before the end of term which they took home.

OP posts:
roundaboutthetown · 10/01/2016 21:10

Ah. Did the HT forget the support staff at the end of last term, then? I guess none of her breaks coincided with yours to hand them over in person. Grin Was she even at the INSET day?

Maybe the HT doesn't actually exist. Maybe someone just keeps leaving little notes and presents around to make it look like there is a headteacher. Grin

StealthPolarBear · 10/01/2016 21:12

What kind of chocolates were they?

Original poster
CaptainCrunch · 10/01/2016 21:12

Lol round, for all the impact she has that could well be the case Grin

OP posts:
Gabilan · 10/01/2016 21:13

I'm picturing Quality Street. And slightly craving them too.

Original poster
CaptainCrunch · 10/01/2016 21:14

They weren't a brand stealth, they were hand made Belgian ones from a very posh confectionery in town.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 10/01/2016 21:16

Oh now that changed everything. They sound lovely :o

ImperialBlether · 10/01/2016 21:18

Why didn't the HT give you chocolates before Christmas? It seems odd to give them on the first day back.

Original poster
CaptainCrunch · 10/01/2016 21:22

I've no idea imperial, what difference does that make to them being taken without permission?

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 10/01/2016 21:24

Well it's another sign that the school maybe isn't functioning very well if the HT forgot that there were support staff when they did their first round of chocolate shopping...

HowBadIsThisPlease · 10/01/2016 21:27

I think there was a pack of buns, Tali, they were nice fresh ones form the bakery wrapped up and addressed to the TAs. But someone else opened them and now there's a...

GruntledOne · 10/01/2016 21:31

Anyone else thinking that the Head got the support staff's chocs in the January sales?

fastdaytears · 10/01/2016 21:32

I was going to ask if there might have been a yellow sticker...

stopfaffing · 10/01/2016 21:41

OP you are not unreasonable, I am a support assistant at the primary school and our HT buys us each a box of chocs at Christmas (which we take home) but if she left a box labelled for us as a group, we would not expect it to be opened and emptied by any other staff.

Sometimes we (support staff) bring in biscuits for our break time (a different time to the teachers) and put them away at the end of our break, or share with everyone and leave on the table. We know they do likewise.

I agree that a gift specifically labelled to support staff should have been left alone. The fact the someone thought "we'll open them anyway" shows a lack of respect and consideration.

For example, sometimes a teacher will use my (or other support staff's)coffee (in a cupboard) and leave it lying on the table, or use my cup and leave it unwashed Hmm. I could leave a PA message, but haven't (so far) but it is cheeky and thoughtless.

YY to too the kitchen being left like a tip after teacher's playtime/lunchtime (but that's another story Grin).

HowBadIsThisPlease · 10/01/2016 21:57

The teachers who are saying that they are too busy to trouble themselves with courtesy are fascinating. It's so barefaced. "Oh we are too important not to eat your chocolates. We mark compositions." It's fascinating - absolutely blatant. They are admitting they do it, but not seeing anything wrong with it.

fastdaytears · 10/01/2016 22:02

That's not what wicked said though is it? I thought she said that the gossip and bitching was from the less busy TAs

clam · 10/01/2016 22:03

Look, I'm sidestepping all the bitching towards the OP on here, and will say this.

I'm a primary teacher, very busy, as most of us are, and I am trying to picture the scene the OP has described of a box of chocolates on the staffroom table. If it's opened, it's fair game for anyone who happens upon them. If unopened, there'll be a bit of a conflab amongst staff (that's all staff, regardless of "status") as to whether we should open them. If there's a label saying "to all staff," there's a "yippee" and everyone piles in.

If it said "to support staff," would any teachers open them? No way in hell. Bad, bad manners.

I think that "your" class teacher was bang out of line and her arsey attitude was the result of embarrassment at being called on her bad behaviour.

Hope you can move on from it.

Original poster
CaptainCrunch · 10/01/2016 22:06

Cheers clam Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
CaptainCrunch · 10/01/2016 22:10

No wicked said they're marking compositions amongst many other ludicrous excuses for taking other peoples stuff. Her post is hilarious, it really is.

OP posts:
HowBadIsThisPlease · 10/01/2016 22:12

Wicked: "I would have been irritated if I had accidentally eaten the chocolates, only to be confronted with a note such as the one you describe: " - then there is stuff about "compositions" and "priorities" and in later posts stuff about Byron, etc. She clearly means: I can accidentally take what I like and will consider anyone who pulls me up on it to be out of order, because I am a teacher, and I work harder than support staff, and therefore owe them no courtesy.