Was My Colleague Totally U? I think She was..

[CaptainCrunch]

Hi everyone,

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I am a Learning Assistant in a Primary School, we returned on Wednesday for an inservice day. There were 2 boxes of chocolates wrapped up on the staff room table with a card in a sealed envelope on top marked "To support staff".

We went off and did some training and came back for our break to see that the one of the boxes had been opened, almost completely finished and our card opened too, the envelope scrunched up beside it.

We were a bit annoyed as the teaching staff have form for horsing all the goodies before any support staff can get near it (they take their breaks before us).

With the agreement of my colleagues I wrote this note on the staff room whiteboard:

"Hi, just to say the chocs were specifically for support staff..we have no problem sharing them, but would have preferred to open the card and gift ourselves" and signed it from all the support staff.

The next day I walked into my class and a box of chocs was on my desk, turns out it was my class teacher who had opened them.

She was absolutely horrible to me and said "I'm really pissed off about that note, I've replaced the chocolates". This was in a very nasty, abrupt tone.

I said it wasn't about the chocolates it was because it was clearly marked to us and had been opened without our consent.

She then said "Well, I didn't read the envelope properly, I thought it said to ALL staff...there's a ridiculous divide between the support staff and teaching and shit like this doesn't help".

I was really stunned. We get on well together and I really admire her but I thought this was completely uncalled for.

She is correct in that there is a bit of a divide...mainly because a lot of the teaching staff treat us like second class citizens, some can barely bring themselves to say "good morning".

I'm not going to let it affect our professional relationship, but she's really gone down in my estimation and it's left a bad taste.

Am I being U to let this bug me so much?

...yes but apparently wicked can "promise" it wasn't deliberate, even though they weren't there.

I left teaching because of my head teacher actually so I know it isn't exactly easy.
However I know work somewhere where divisions and lazy management like this doesn't happen so I know it's possible.
The OP hasn't given any indication of how she intends to address the issue.

Now not know sorry.

You've no interest in what I have to say betty

Try me. I asked you a very straightforward question about something you said on this thread viz, in your experience, teachers did little else but gossip and moan. If you want, answer the question. (I'll ignore your childish insults.)

*CaptainCrunch - It sounds like your school is close to implosion. The HT has to go! You have described a school where everyone moans, nobody trusts anyone else, support staff opinions are ignored, staff are so stressed they overreact to whiteboard notes, and lots of people are voting with their feet. What's more, the HT is avoiding everyone (or moaning about support staff to the teachers - who knows!). You cannot be providing a good education for the children in the school in those circumstances, so Ofsted will soon be sniffing around, if it isn't already. I would leave, or accept things are going to get worse and worse before they get better.

Have said it before on this thread and will say it again.

No teacher is too busy to treat another human being in a respectful manner.

Wicked if the way you speak here is how you treat your support staff I can imagine you do not have a great relationship with them.

To be fair in my school the LSA's are a huge support to me and I show them the respect they deserve - they do an amazing job for very poor pay and are treated abysmally by some staff.

Teachers spend a lot of time moaning, I should know I do a lot of it myself! A smile from an LSA at the end of a tough lesson (they are always in those types of lessons) can make your day a little easier.

And if, before you leave you forget your lunch you can just eat hers :)

Exactly round

You'd think Ofsted would be less than impressed with the head's lack of leadership.

Well the OP's choices come down to this:

Stay in the job, decide to put up with this shit
Stay in the job, try to improve things
Leave

IME no job situation is ideal. So it's better to start by trying to change things if it seems likely or possible that they could change. By the sounds of things the OP has told the business manager of the problems but these have not been tackled and the business manager is off long-term sick (I wonder why? Work stress?) and their work is not being covered in the meantime.

Which leaves Put up with this Shit, or Leave.

Yes and I answered it betty, but as I said you're not interested, you just want to goad.

You haven't said whether you've sought union advice.

I'm not in a union.

Yes and I answered it betty

Apologies if I'm mistaken but I really can't find your answer.

i think Wicked is a sock puppet of the OP, sent in to demonstrate how incredibly stupidly, pompously and arrogantly teachers can behave sometimes. I must admit, I was almost taken in!

I'm really surprised anyone could think you were unreasonable.

Someone took a gift meant for you and your colleagues, and clearly marked as such.

You didn't accuse any individual and left a polite note asking that nothing be stolen from you in future.

Your teacher, who had stolen the gift and shared it with her colleagues, seems to have only replaced it so she could feel justified in having a go. If she took them by mistake, she should have apologised and replaced them.

It's not as though you stuffed the second box with laxatives and left it out at break time labelled 'for all teachers'. Now THAT'S passive aggressive.

I suggest you do that in future, since a polite note caused the thief so much distress.

Can you get moved to another class? I think the behaviour of the teacher is unacceptable toward you. I'd be very uncomfortable if someone who speaks to a TA like that was teaching my children. If she thinks you are beneath her, what on earth does she think of the kids?

Not in a union? Well since you haven't chosen to be protected that's not an option then.
So have you decided on your next move if she doesn't respond to your written request for a meeting?

"I've worked there for 8 years with a variety of different classes, this is how I know".

We have a half hour liaison every morning with our class teacher, much of which is spent listening to them vent about their colleagues, pupils and parents.

That good enough for you betty? I'm sure you'll find something else to have a dig and that precious last word

How can anyone "accidently" eat a box of chocolates

How dare you accuse me of being a sock puppet, if you really believe that report it and see what response you get from MNHQ.

Toads I've been asking thay for pages. Still haven't had a satisfactory answer other then the teacher was too busy to glance down.

We have a half hour liaison every morning with our class teacher, much of which is spent listening to them vent about their colleagues, pupils and parents

Thanks for that but it actually shows the opposite of what you claimed: that teachers spent most of their time gossiping and moaning. By your calculation they gossip and moan for two and a half hours a week. If teacher surveys are to be believed, primary school teachers work a 50-60 hour week.

Yes stealth. Like I said my colleague is allowed to open a wrapped gift and sealed card without any reprisals but my perfectly to the point and politely worded note is twatty and shitty. Strange world the old aibu is

But the teacher didn't need to confess she had done it and replace the chocolates. She has the hallmarks of a very amateur thief!

Seriously, though, the school is a sinking ship. No point navel gazing about whether the teacher is a liar and thief, blind, or just rude!

Eat her lunch , accidentally of course.

I couldn't work anywhere like that again.