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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To not find time to bath my children?

627 replies

Poppybella2015 · 09/01/2016 09:22

Ok they do get a bath on a Sunday morning with bubbles and a hair wash, like I did as a child. The house also gets cleaned on a Sunday. But then life takes over.

Weekdays after school are a combination of clubs (2 a week) friends over, relatives popping round to see the kids, by the time we have had dinner I think oh my god the kids need to go to bed or it will be too late for them! (They currently sleep 8-7 and I have to wake them on a school day they are two and six) the toddler smells a bit cheesy by about Tuesday, the older one could do with another bath as she sometimes wees her pants at school and then sits in them :( my house turns into a tip in the week too as I always get invited to see a relative/go to a toddler group etc and then when toddler naps I flake out in exhaustion as I have an on going sinus infection and toddler wakes me a couple of times a night.

I really want to have a nice clean home, nice clean kids, be in a nice relaxed routine but life just seems to get in the way and make everything rushed.

I'm sure most people are hectic in the week and those that are not how do you do it? Should I be refusing play dates etc? Ignore relatives when they come round and bath the kids instead? Just tell people I'm busy but risk loosing friends??

Help!!

OP posts:
mothersdaughter · 10/01/2016 04:07

You sound really overwhelmed OP. I've been there many times. You just need to find some tips and hints that will galvanise you.

I work F/T. Get in with my 3 and 6 year old around 6.20pm every night. They have 10 mins of TV whilst I run a bath and then get all their clothes out for the following day. I also quickly get a washing load in the machine.

They have a quick bath - only wash their hair every 3 days but they have a wash with sanex for kids shower gel.

Then it's PJ's on and down stairs. I have a good selection of quick meals for them for the evening. Nothing really fancy but really easy stuff like fresh pasta and sauce, beans on toast, wraps with carrot sticks etc.

Whilst they eat I whizz round, have a quick tidy up. I bought a cordless stain recently which has been amazing. It's so light and easy so I use it for 5 mins a day which means the house looks reasonable. (Vacuuming makes a real visible difference i think)

Let them have a yogurt or fruit for pudding and then we do reading for school. Another bit of TV and then bed. Both in bed around 7.30

It's all a bit manic but sort of works. DH gets in and then we have a something really way for our dinner.

Collapse into bed about 9.30 - alarm set for 6am to do it all again the next day!

mothersdaughter · 10/01/2016 04:22

The other bit of advice (controversial on MN) is to not bother with the slow cooker.

I really find that when you are pushed for time you are better off cooking something really quick from scratch.

Examples : stir fry with chicken or prawns and a packet of microwave rice

Tray bake chicken

Fresh pasta

Fish finger wraps with iceberg and tartar sauce. (bloody love these)

Please try and find ways to make it as easy as possible

I also find I can keep it all running smoothly if I'm in a good starting place. So a good clear out, cleaning up, washing under control and food shop day will really stand you in a good position to keep on top of it for a while.

Kytti · 10/01/2016 04:35

YANBU - once a week didn't kill our grandparents. As long as they wash their hands and faces.

There's a huge obsession with daily bathing that isn't actually that good for some people. Don't listen to the haters, keep on as you are. I think people that bath their children every day are bonkers. They have too little to do and not enough children! :)

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/01/2016 05:03

One of my DS1's favourite meals is cauliflower cheesey pasta. Boil the pasta in pan, takes 10 minutes (well, mine does); put the steamer over the pan with cauliflower (and sometimes broccoli too) in, or you could put it in with the pasta if you don't have a steamer pan. While that's cooking, make a quick sauce - dessert spoon of butter melted into a pan, same amount of plain flour into the melted butter and cook it for about 3 mins - don't let it colour! - then add milk slowly, it will thicken into a basic roux sauce. Make it a bit runnier than you want it in the end, because then add a stack of grated cheese - I do a combination of cheddar and parmesan - and stir it in until it's all melted. By the time you've done that, the pasta and veg will be finished, so drain them and add the sauce to the drained veg/pasta, mix around and serve. Takes just over 10 mins all in. :)
It really helps to have the prepped ingredients next to the cooker, especially the milk for the roux sauce, so maybe add in another 5mins prep time prior to the cooking. I break the cauli and broccoli down into bitesize florets, so it's easier for the children to eat.

HowBadIsThisPlease · 10/01/2016 06:20

I agree with mothersdaughter about the slow cooker. If you aren't using it already, don't make it a Thing you think you have to do that will solve all your problems. It doesn't work for everyone, because it takes longer than is implied to get everything prepped and in there in the first place, and then you have to get up earlier or otherwise find time to do it, and then you might not manage it, or not manage something else, and then you are feeling awful (if you are in danger of feeling awful anyway and in a self flagellating condition) because everyone on MN keeps touting it as the answer to everything, so you think: what is wrong with me?

Basically, using the slow cooker (and ending up with something you want to eat) takes as much of your time as making a casserole from scratch. The only difference is you can go out all day while it cooks, as opposed to putting it in the oven and staying in the house. But really, do you consider a homemade casserole the top of your list of quickest and easiest things to make? Really? If so, your life is pretty different from mine.

differentnameforthis · 10/01/2016 07:18

But I won't be smelling it any longer with the nightly baths! Op, don't feel guilty if one night here & there you don't get to bathe them. They don't NEED nightly baths.

Your excuses for not bathing your kids are a bit shit. No it isn't, what's shit is your need to belittle the op to make yourself feel better.

Right off to bed - im clean and in clean pjs < shock> So do you wear a clean pair of jammies every night too? You must be eternally washing if you all wear clean pjs 7 days a week! All that water...7 baths a week for the kids alone, then yours so 14, your dh's/parters? = 21.

I bet your water bill is horrendous!

We have to be really careful here in Oz, we literally do not have enough water coming out the sky for 21 baths a week!

Do what you like- its lazy to not bath your children /yourself daily ... Every 5-6 days is disgusting ,so stop trying to justify it by having a go at me Pot, kettle.....

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 10/01/2016 07:25

I'm quite shocked that you don't bath a kid when she has wet herself at school that day. Poor kid is going to get known as the smelly kid Sad
It doesn't take long to bath your children.

StealthPolarBear · 10/01/2016 07:40

The op has updated. Many times.

differentnameforthis · 10/01/2016 07:44

Iamnotloobrushphobic Would you now like to go & read the rest of the thread? I know it's long....at least read op's posts?

Until then, coming this late to a thread & not reading it...your opinion doesn't matter.

mathanxiety · 10/01/2016 08:00

Do go and ask about depression.

I see you have a plan about bathing. That is great. And look at you -- you have a diary and you use it!! You are well on your way.

You are a brave woman to come on here and ask for advice, and have handled it with grace.

Wrt cooking: my mum used to have a (really boring I thought) routine that involved a roast dinner on Sunday - chicken or beef, followed on Monday by leftover roast with more potatoes and veg, and sometimes followed on Tuesday by some sort of hash chopped up bits of beef/chicken, spuds chopped after being boiled a bit, and onions all in a pan. If nothing was left for Tuesday we had something else that day often spag bol, with leftover spag bol on baked potatoes for Wednesday. Then on Thursdays and Fridays we sometimes had macaroni cheese, sometimes fish fingers, sometimes spaghetti with meatballs. Saturday was often a fry up for dinner - rashers, scones, sausages, maybe some salad.

She varied the weekday offerings with the odd curry or shepherd's pie (or actually cottage pie, made with mince.) We also had the occasional fish pie, steak and kidney pie (sometimes leftover roast beef and peas and carrots pie) and chicken pot pie (again with leftover chicken and some frozen veg). It was all simple meals, and leftovers repackaged. Sometimes we had soup on Saturdays, with scones or brown bread. Sometimes it was lamb's liver with onions, and potatoes and green veg.

For lunches we had lots of scrambled eggs on toast, beans on toast, lots of bananas and other fruit, and yogurt and toasted cheese. School lunch was always cheese sandwiches with fruit and a sweet snack.

When I first started out preparing meals for the family I tried elaborate and very varied meals and ended up in a heap and with a fridge full of leftovers I would eventually have to throw out. So back to simple routine I went. I turned into my mother. My DCs are fussy eaters and simple turned out to be best. However I never serve kidneys and can't find lamb's liver where I am (I actually like it sliced really thin).

I have since then branched into using the slow cooker and batch cooking. I mostly use the slow cooker for soups and chilis and curries. I make split pea soup and minestrone mostly, and freeze soup bowl sized portions. For chili I do the meat and spices and sauce but add beans when I heat it up to serve. I keep a large amount of browned mince in the freezer and it's handy for many recipes. It goes in the slow cooker for chili, or I use cubed lean pork that just goes straight in. Curry (chicken) just all goes in raw. I use a variety of starches -- couscous (cooks really fast), rice, pasta as well as potatoes, and every so often we have a pizza.

We eat tonnes of toast here -- my old toaster packed it in a week before Christmas and I replaced it that very day. We were completely lost for several hours without it.

Frozen veg can be your best friend -- green beans, onions, sliced peppers, diced carrots, even garlic, make meal prep quicker. Pesto is great for a quick topping on pasta, with parmesan. Frozen pastry and phyllo are great too for packaging leftovers.

I don't do dessert every night. On weekends if I had time when the DCs were small we used to have something simple like jelly or a little ice cream, or apple crumble if I was feeling really on top of things. Or cake from a box mix. Frequently we had a packet of biscuits.

See what you can do with simple cooking. You can look up roasting times per pound online. Get yourself a meat thermometer.

I think it's fantastic that you like to socialise and have a good group going, and you can keep it up in moderate amounts as well as keeping everything ticking at home, as long as you don't get too ambitious and try to do too much. Start with easy cooking (roasting is really easy) and if a routine with bathing seems to work then stick to that.

I think you are going to have to make the rellies a little less comfortable in your home -- ask them to make their own cuppa and raid the biscuit tin while you get your own thing done if you find it hard to put your foot down and tell them straight out that they are arriving at a really inconvenient time for you. They may lose interest when they lose their captive audience. Or just keep front of house lights off or don't answer the door. If they phone to say they are on the doorstep tell them you are bathing the kiddies, sorry, bad time...

Samaritan1 · 10/01/2016 08:01

There's been some great advice on this thread, so sorry you are feeling overwhelmed with things op. I just have one 18 month old and I find that hard enough at times.

Glad you are going to try and change routine, hope it all works out well.

ninja · 10/01/2016 08:08

For those saying you need to bath every day - you don't! You don't need to wash hair either, my next door neighbours never wash their kids' hair and it self cleans (it gets rinsed).

If you're noticing they smell or if they've wet themselves they do need another wash, though. As others have said what about a quick shower (or even bath) in the morning if evenings don't work.

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 10/01/2016 08:12

Iamnotloobrushphobic Would you now like to go & read the rest of the thread? I know it's long....at least read op's posts?

I mistakenly thought the thread was 20 posts long rather than 20 pages. The joys of reading whilst trying to settle a small baby Blush

mothersdaughter · 10/01/2016 08:33

A really quick dinner for my two is a packet of microwave basmati rice. With some chopped up ham/chicken (whatever you have). Chuck in a boiling saucepan some peas, sweet corn -and broccoli m. Few drops of soy sauce in the rice.

Takes 5 mins but perfectly acceptable meal post school.

As I said previously I find the time of running the bath whilst they watch some TV really useful - clean clothes out, school bag emptied etc. Most productive bit of the Evening. Once they are in the bath I stay in the room m, take my make up off etc.

Youarentkiddingme · 10/01/2016 08:38

Poppy Flowers yiuve received some unfair and unkind posts here and also some amazingly supportive ones. Good on you for taking it all on th chin and making some changes.

Re slow cooker - I don't brown meat. I chop veg/meat etc up the previous night whilst I'm in kitchen and out it in fridge in a plastic tub. Seperate one for meat and veg. In the morning I chuck it all in slow cooker with a stock cube and switch to low.
But you can also do the same and use the oven. So when out in the kitchen preparing lunch spend an extra few minutes chopping veg and meat and put in a casserole dish and cover in cling film. Then remove cling film and put in oven for an hour.

Most people won't be offended if you prepare stuff when they visit. So when family are over offer tea/ coffee etc and just say that whilst kettle boils you are going to peel some veg/potatoes and stick them on boil for dinner as kids will be hungry at X time.

Once you've got into a routine of this you'll find batch cooking and preparing meals is just as quick and easy as a freezer meal (by that I mean nuggets, chips etc). The advantage of a slower cooking meal is that it takes longer to cook and allows for you to do other things whilst it is. Quick freezer to oven meals often require close supervision and are time consuming.

You can also be creative. My DS LOVED playing with water. So I bought one of the large plastic gardening tubs. I used to put a towel down, fill it an inch or 2 of water and some bubbles and he's 'play' in the water whilst I cooked dinner, did the washing up, did some washing etc. (I did this in kitchen obviously!)

Can I just add you and your children are going to be just fine. You admitted you need support and identified areas of need and why. It takes a lot to do this and remember no one is a perfect parent. There are parents out there who have their own struggles - you probably just don't see or realise it.

QueenJuggler · 10/01/2016 08:43

Poppy - if it would help at all, would you like a list of easy, nutritious family meals that you can batch cook and pop in the freezer? I do a lot of cooking in advance - takes the pressure off a bit on busy weeknights. That would also free up some time for bathing.

ColeslawSandwich · 10/01/2016 09:07

Queen could you pm those recipes to me please? Thanks

QueenJuggler · 10/01/2016 09:31

Coleslaw - sure thing. Am on a plane tomorrow for a few hours, so will whip up a list then and some recipes.

voodoolooloo · 10/01/2016 09:52

Poppy Thanks. You've been so brave asking for help especially on AIBU. Kudos to you for taking all advice useful or not on the chin so gracefully.

A small grubby child probably does need a dunk every evening. As does a child who's been incontinent.
Like a million others have said, a bath need only be couple of inches of warm water, soap up and wash down. Dried in a nice warm towel. Clean pjs on. A wash in the morning does the job (though mine are older and a shower is just as fast)
Hair washed twice a week is usually adequate.
Slow cookers are a a saviour to me. Though when I've been at work all day I sometimes just do good old beans on toast/egg on toast/pesto and pasta etc.
You've asked for help. You've made a plan. I think you're fab. Well done to you. I hope it all goes well.
Oh and visitors visiting that often are practically housemates so need to pull their fingers out and help!

As an aside please can I have a pm with the quick list of dinners? Thank you.

StealthPolarBear · 10/01/2016 09:57

If yiu don't mind would you start a thread with the dinners.?

voodoolooloo · 10/01/2016 10:04

Top banana idea from stealth Smile

nicestrongtea · 10/01/2016 10:08

different
Im the only PJ wearer in the house ,the others sleep in the buff/nappy.

I shower daily at the pool in the morning, cycle there and shower/change into work clothes.
Cycle home - bath, Pjs.
All older DC and DH do sports/gym so they shower after that and I bath tiny one ,so currently only DC4 and I bath at home.
When the others were little they went in one bath not 3 separate ones but it was always daily.
So water bill isn't horrendous at all! ( not metered anyway)

Slow cooking is something you sort of have to get into - I do bags of pre prepped veg in the freezer and I don't brown meat .
Tuna casserole in the slow cooker (Judith Finlayson) is brilliant and ones of our favorites .

nicestrongtea · 10/01/2016 10:10

voodoo we do "on toast" night .
Usually on a Thursday- beans/tuna and cheese/egg .

Its nice and quick and nutritious.

QueenJuggler · 10/01/2016 10:36

Stealth - absolutely, will post a link here when I've done it.

I grew up in a household where my mother just didn't cook very well, so I never learnt to cook from her. She in turn grew up in a household with lots of staff (money to pay for this sadly all long gone!), so she also didn't learn any culinary skills from her mother.

The only reason we didn't starve or die of scurvy/food poisoning/any other potentially hideous and lingering illness caused by poor nutrition is because we went to boarding school (and its saying something when 1980s school dinners were better than home cooking) and because my father cooked when we were on holiday. He was a fabulous dinner party cook, and used to cook far to much food - enough for us to scavenge a decent meal from the fridge through the following week.

I made it one of my adult life's missions to be an exceptionally good cook. So I love to cook elaborate cheffy dinner party dishes - but even I have a bunch of staple freezer meals that can just be reheated, or topped with something to make a really great dinner on a busy night.

I am also the mistress of using leftovers!

iamworkingonit · 10/01/2016 10:39

I bath my son about twice a week. He has sensitive skin and even if he didn't I think that's enough. On other nights he has a quick body wash. Can you manage that?

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