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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not find time to bath my children?

627 replies

Poppybella2015 · 09/01/2016 09:22

Ok they do get a bath on a Sunday morning with bubbles and a hair wash, like I did as a child. The house also gets cleaned on a Sunday. But then life takes over.

Weekdays after school are a combination of clubs (2 a week) friends over, relatives popping round to see the kids, by the time we have had dinner I think oh my god the kids need to go to bed or it will be too late for them! (They currently sleep 8-7 and I have to wake them on a school day they are two and six) the toddler smells a bit cheesy by about Tuesday, the older one could do with another bath as she sometimes wees her pants at school and then sits in them :( my house turns into a tip in the week too as I always get invited to see a relative/go to a toddler group etc and then when toddler naps I flake out in exhaustion as I have an on going sinus infection and toddler wakes me a couple of times a night.

I really want to have a nice clean home, nice clean kids, be in a nice relaxed routine but life just seems to get in the way and make everything rushed.

I'm sure most people are hectic in the week and those that are not how do you do it? Should I be refusing play dates etc? Ignore relatives when they come round and bath the kids instead? Just tell people I'm busy but risk loosing friends??

Help!!

OP posts:
nicestrongtea · 10/01/2016 10:40

I think we had a similar upbringing- I LOVED school Lunches because my mother was/is a terrible cook ,she hated it as well.

I meal plan and all leftovers are used up.

QueenJuggler · 10/01/2016 10:48

nicestrongtea - my mother speciality was a giant vat of slow-cooker stewed meat (unidentifiable in terms of source) and vegetables, which she'd cook up on a Sunday and then dole out to us every day with some bread or rice. I cannot abide slow-cooker food now - it brings back so many bad memories!

Meal planning is really key - I'll stick a meal plan on the thread as well for a busy week where we don't have time to cook fresh every day.

Katarzyna79 · 10/01/2016 10:53

kyti too little to do and bonkers? I have 4 kids care for 2 adults too i get to sit at 10pm i guess im twiddling my thumbs? i cook from scratch keep my house clean clean enough i wiuldnt care if i had unexpected guests.

As for bathing once week i recall this as a child in the 80s . Yes it was jarder to heat water back then but it wasnt impossible..i remember thinking i smell or i feel dirty but i would get shouted at for being a burden asking for an extra bath midweek.

A week is too long at the very least 2 baths are needed and thats a minimum. If kids soil their clothes pee or poo you cant wipe down and leave the impurities there we wouldnt do that to our own body why to a child?

I dont think its required everyday each parent can decide whats best. I do it every other day simply because my kids bottoms are washee with water and tissue always . But if son came in covered in mud like he does onve week from rugby he woukdnt get a wipe down but a dunk in the bath.

op has time issues and other issues at play im not one for looking down on ppl. I wish her the best. You saying she has no problems is plain silly since she herself said she does.

PinkTardis · 10/01/2016 11:04

I read this and honestly thought it was a joke.

I have a 2 and 6 year old, they are bathed almost every night ( no shower) I also bath almost every night.

But then I don't have people over most of the time and nor would I want to. Op your comment about feeling like a single mum doesn't change things either, I am a single mum. My two year old is toilet trained and refuses to wear a nappy for bed so I'm often up thru the night changing his bedding ( sometimes 2 times sometimes he doesn't wee) I'm often a bit tired but incould never ever let my kids look dirty and be smelly Shock

My partner is over maybe 3 times a week and I collect him from work at 7. Kids are bathed and in jarmies and ready for bed before we go and pick him up and they go straight to bed when we get home.

Routine and structure is key

( whilst they bath I clean away the dishes and tidy downstairs - bathroom faces the kitchen )

nicestrongtea · 10/01/2016 11:15

Haha
Mines was in an old casserole dish - stew, watery stew.
She didn't use thickener or much seasoning .
So it was like a savoury pond!

I use Judith Finlaysons slow cooker books- brilliant not an over cooked stew in there and she has a veggie book which is our favorite.

caker · 10/01/2016 11:29

Queen, thank you, I think that thread would be so useful for lots of us.

voodoolooloo · 10/01/2016 11:47

Ladies you are putting m off slow cookers! The week long stew sounds awful Sad
If you haven't RTFT please do. The lovely OP pointed out pages go that she was making changes for the better.

QueenJuggler · 10/01/2016 11:49

No seasoning and no thickener here either. We used to call it swamp stew. I actually feel a little nauseous just thinking about it!

On a more serious note, I look back at childhood photos, and whilst I look happy (because it was a loving household), I can't get over how thin I was. I look really emaciated :(

differentnameforthis · 10/01/2016 11:55

The joys of reading whilst trying to settle a small baby

yep, that'll do it... Grin

Did you know that you can read the thread a one whole page? You don't have to have pages!

PixieChops · 10/01/2016 12:15

Different- I wasn't trying to be little the poster at all. All I was saying is that the excuses imo not to bath weren't that great.
I personally could give less of a shit what you or anyone else does with their kids hygiene. It's up to you, though I believe instilling a good hygiene routine does set them up to keep to it as they get older. My kids are clean and my daughter has her teeth brushed every day during her bath.
I bath my kids everyday because they get covered in food, had dirty nappies etc. I think it's nice for them as part of their routine to have a bath.
If OPs child wasn't wetting themselves then fair enough she probably wouldn't need to bath every day but she should at least be bathing her when she does.
On another note to OP. Please take the toilet issue to the teacher. It's not right making a child wet themselves because they're nervous to go to the toilet and ask.
I was one of those kids, it's not nice, especially when you feel like everyone's staring at you. Does your child get on with her teacher? I'm only asking because I was petrified of mine and didn't want to ask her if I could go to the toilet because she'd shout so therefore Id wet myself. In the end my mum went in and had a word with the headteacher. I was much happier and would ask to go to the toilet as I knew that I wouldn't be shouted at.
I personally think this is more important for you to address than the bathing at this moment in time.
You've had lots of good advice with regards to meals etc. It is hard when you're doing most things on your own and it sometimes feels like they're aren't enough hours in the day but if you could start making things like bath times more of a routine (2-3 times a week, doesn't have to be everyday!) then I think you'd find it easier.
Best of luck!

DisappointedOne · 10/01/2016 12:39

I think it's nice for them as part of their routine to have a bath.
If OPs child wasn't wetting themselves then fair enough she probably wouldn't need to bath every day but she should at least be bathing her when she does.

NEWSFLASH: not all children are made sleepy by bathing.

In DD's case she wets because of the state of the toilets at school so she tries to hold it until hometime (it's an ongoing dialogue with school). It's usually a tiny dribble when she leaves the warm classroom into the cold playground. We don't make a fuss. Bits get washed at home and then aired thoroughly Blush. She doesn't need a full bath to deal with the occasional dribble of pee. Especially when it will the. Add at least 2 hours to her bedtime (which is plenty late enough as it is. Hmm

LagunaBubbles · 10/01/2016 13:03

For all the posters still determined to give the OP a hard time despite numerous updates - did you know even if you can't be bothered reading the whole thread you can at least read the OPs posts?

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 10/01/2016 14:10

Did you know that you can read the thread a one whole page? You don't have to have pages!

Yes, I do the one whole page thing on the iPad but I was on my phone sitting in bed and was reading mumsnet to try and keep myself awake until baby fell asleep on my shoulder and I don't do the one page thing on my phone because the screen is too small to be bothered with it. Lesson learnt though - make sure I check how many pages there are in a thread before I comment and make myself look stupid Grin

ColeslawSandwich · 10/01/2016 14:15

Thanks Queen

myotherusernameisbetter · 10/01/2016 15:28

We were always a roughly every 2nd night family (depended on what clubs etc they had on what days - i.e. they'd have a shower after swim lesson so no bath needed).

In between nights they'd have a top and tail wash. Basin of soapy water, baby wipe to clean face, hands and armpits and then used for nether regions and then binned. Same every morning. When they got to 10/11 ish they started just showering every morning. and probably stopped washing every night

You can easily fit it in even if it's just a strip wash in the bath but I do think they probably need the whole bath/hair wash at least twice a week.

Just tell visitors to fuck off leave earlier on a Wednesday.

nicestrongtea · 10/01/2016 16:21

2 hours !!!Shock
Why would it add 2 hours to her bedtime ??
Surely she and the soap would have dissolved by then Grin

wannabestressfree · 10/01/2016 16:40

Pinktardis your not a single mum if you are referring to your 'partner', the fact you pick him up from work and that he comes over three times a week....ffs

SoThatHappened · 10/01/2016 17:22

I am a single mum. My two year old is toilet trained and refuses to wear a nappy for bed so I'm often up thru the night changing his bedding ( sometimes 2 times sometimes he doesn't wee) I'm often a bit tired but i could never ever let my kids look dirty and be smelly

PinkTardis have you thought of using absorbent disposable bed mats? Might be easier than washing sheets all the time.

DisappointedOne · 10/01/2016 19:21

2 hours !!!
Why would it add 2 hours to her bedtime ??
Surely she and the soap would have dissolved by then

Because it wakes her up/gives her a second wind/stops her being able to sleep. It's the equivalent of a double espresso to her!

PixieChops · 10/01/2016 21:50

Disappointed Im actually slightly in awe in how seriously you are picking through my comments.
Don't get how it takes 2 hours but there you go and

NEWSFLASH

I'm pretty sure I know that not all kids can go to sleep after a bath IF it's not already part of their bedtime routine. It just so happens having a bath is part of our bedtime routine and therefore does help my children go to sleep.

mathanxiety · 10/01/2016 22:13

Mine were always completely wound up by a bath. So they had a bath in the afternoon, well before bedtime. The water energised them somehow.

I tried it as part of a bedtime routine because all the books said it was a super idea. I have little time for baby and childcare books thanks to this and other gems.

They weren't in the bath for two hours. They were dried and in PJs and climbing the walls for two hours afterwards. With an earlier bath a couple of times per week they had dinner and gradually wound down to bedtime around 8.30-9. We used to all help get dinner cleared away, then read or watched a movie or played board games or chatted. As they got older they finished their homework.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 10/01/2016 22:42

I've been thinking about this today

Could you go.swimming once a week? You're then out of the house and that's one shower taken care off as you can have one there

Debbriana1 · 10/01/2016 22:59

Op do you know that urine is actually itchy. Poor little child. Reading how about how people don't see the need to bath their children at list every two days makes me want to weep. It takes less than ten minutes with my two year old daughter on a day that we a rushing. No play. Get in in bath. Soap on a muslin cloth. Let her stand up while I holed her with one hand. Finish. Let her sit back down. Brush her teeth. Give her back her tooth brush. Get out of her baby bath and off we go. If she refuses I let the water out pick her up. One minute of crying won't kill her. Done.

TooOldForGlitter · 10/01/2016 23:00

READ THE THREAD YOU SANCTIMONIOUS BLOODY ARSEHOLES!!!!!!

Leelu6 · 10/01/2016 23:22

Lol @ Toooldforglitter. I'm surprised anyone thinks they have original advice to add after 525 posts. It's all been said...to death. Hope OP is doing well and not reading the thread anymore.