To not find time to bath my children?

[Poppybella2015]

Ok they do get a bath on a Sunday morning with bubbles and a hair wash, like I did as a child. The house also gets cleaned on a Sunday. But then life takes over.

Weekdays after school are a combination of clubs (2 a week) friends over, relatives popping round to see the kids, by the time we have had dinner I think oh my god the kids need to go to bed or it will be too late for them! (They currently sleep 8-7 and I have to wake them on a school day they are two and six) the toddler smells a bit cheesy by about Tuesday, the older one could do with another bath as she sometimes wees her pants at school and then sits in them :( my house turns into a tip in the week too as I always get invited to see a relative/go to a toddler group etc and then when toddler naps I flake out in exhaustion as I have an on going sinus infection and toddler wakes me a couple of times a night.

I really want to have a nice clean home, nice clean kids, be in a nice relaxed routine but life just seems to get in the way and make everything rushed.

I'm sure most people are hectic in the week and those that are not how do you do it? Should I be refusing play dates etc? Ignore relatives when they come round and bath the kids instead? Just tell people I'm busy but risk loosing friends??

Help!!

Poppy Don't be put off from posting in the future because of a few idiots on this thread.

I've reported LeSquigh, she's troll hunting and it's against the rules.

Thank you, I'm really not a troll :( I actually feel bad that someone thinks I am a troll as that must mean my post sounds awful and no one could be that rubbish as a parent :(

READ THE THREAD PEOPLE

OP - you are doing really well to recognise the issues and turn this around.

WRT food, often healthy foods are actually simple, and don't need complicated recipes.
eg

1. pork chops, mashed potatoes (peel ahead of time and leave in the pan until ready to cook), frozen peas and tin sweetcorn.
2. packet of stir fry veggies, packet of sauce, packet of prawns, tip into frying pan and cook for a few minutes.

playdates - if we have kids over to play after school, it is until 5 pm and then they go home, and I never cook for kids on playdates, they come to play and then go home. We eat at 6 anyway.

Poppy you are not a rubbish parent, really you aren't.

Hi Poppy, sorry to sound like a broken record, but if you haven't visited your GP over your fatigue and how you're finding things difficult at the moment, please do. They really should be running blood tests on you to check for any deficiencies, and possibly screening you for depression and/or anxiety. Some kind of talking therapy might be really beneficial for you so that you can explore your relationship with your mum and how you deal with those experiences in light of your own children, or possibly something more practical like CBT to build coping strategies for yourself when you get overwhelmed. I am really sorry to hear about your mental health problems as a child, but there is nothing to be ashamed of. I have suffered with mental health problems since being a child too and like your parents my parents were very ashamed and offered me no support whatsoever but when I got older I managed to seek help myself.

I think you are doing a great job, nobody is a perfect mum. You just need a bit of support sometimes and there's nothing wrong with that. Also I could PM you a list of super easy, quick recipes if you'd like. I taught myself to cook but only because I was never interested in learning from my mum when I was a teenager. I only cook very quick, simple meals nothing special like.

Hmm, would I prefer Poppybella2015 orLl LeSquigh and the others who have critics8sed her to have a coffee with and to mind my DC in an emergency.

Let's see ...

Poppy: kind, insightful, caring, intelligent, although by her own admission possibly not the world's best at bathing!

This who have criticised her: rude, uncaring, unkind, lazy (can't be bothered to RTFT) small-minded, a desire to be seen to be right even if it hurts someone's feelings, and some obsessed with cleanliness to the detriment of personal relationships.

IMHO.

Ignore them Poppy, I know who I'd rather spend time with / trust my DC with.

I think unfortunately like in life you just have to tune the rude and obnoxious people out op !

Lots of great advice here so I won't add anything other than I hope you feel better after posting

Ignore the twats, Poppy.

Well done you for recognising an issue and working towards resolution. My mum took excellent care of me but did not teach me the skills I needed to be independent. It was not until I went to university that I used a washing machine or cooked a meal on my own. Teaching your children to take care of themselves is one of the best gifts we can give then, I think. Our children will be so much better prepared to move into the world because you will take the time and effort to prepare them.

your

OP I do lots of cooking that's just assembling really!

Eg. Roast a chicken and have with mashed/roast potatoes and (frozen) veg
Next day have chicken curry - curry paste, chicken, frozen onions, peppers, green beans, can of coconut milk, plus rice.
Next day chicken pasta

Sometimes for a super quick dinner I make egg fried rice with a pack of frozen rice, frozen peas/peppers.

Macaroni cheese with 2 minute microwave cheese sauce.

I also use frozen jacket potatoes with tinned mackerel or baked beans.

Frittata with tinned potatoes, frozen veg

I use ready roll puff pasty to do pizza/tart type things.

I make and freeze batches of mince/tomato sauce that can be made into bolognese or chilli (add kidney beans) or mince and potatoes (add tinned potatoes) and eaten with pasta/jackets/rice.

Basically I only use frozen veg now as it eliminates waste and cut corners wherever possible.

Well done OP. Everyone gets overwhelmed at some time or in some aspect of their lives.

I was similar to you in that I had to teach myself to cook and keep a house, and when it hasn't been ingrained in you from a young age, then it never feels as if it comes naturally. I see it as an ongoing battle to stay on top, but you can get there. I find lists help me a lot, I break everything I need to do down into smaller tasks. It never comes naturally, but it can become a habit.

There are lots of threads about I'm sure on meal planning and bulk cooking, I always try and make double when I can, or have easier things for during the week. I put a lot of pressure in myself as far as "cooking from scratch" goes as I grew up on boxes from the freezer and can't bear it now for my kids. However, I know I need to give myself a break here and that convenience stuff won't hurt them from time to time, it sounds as if your 'thing' is socialising and maybe you need to allow yourself to take your foot off the pedal a bit, and that this won't hurt either.

Poppy a rubbish parent wouldn't ask for help.

You saw there was a problem and asked for help, and are now following the helpful advice.

All parents have their struggles, good parents do something about them.

The Delia Smith website has some really helpful and easy to follow videos on how to cook the basics like eggs, pasta, rice and vegetables.

I am a SAHM. I suffer with anxiety and depression.

I loathe cooking.

It is a massive pressure, it was getting me down.

So I took the pressure off.

I buy everything frozen, must be able to cook from frozen.

I shop at Aldi.

Frozen mash (because I am not organised/motivated enough some days to peel, chop, boil, mash and my mash is always lumpy)

I buy pre-prepared fresh vegetables.

Everything is either oven cooked or slow cooked.

I make a basic meat sauce from scratch (mince, onions, tinned toms) because it's simple (to me) and make enough in one go to split into 3 meals, I then add a jar of ready made chilli con carne sauce to one and make a shepherds pie (frozen mash) with the other, the third is a Bolognese.

People will probably be horrified by my frozen mash admission but unless they're going to come here and cook for me, they can STFU. I cook healthy meals within my ability and restricted by family life (which is ridiculous at the moment due to an unwell 12yo and a potty training toddler,.family bereavement plus general day to day stuff) and my own MH problems.

Do.what works for you, sometimes that will mean stepping out of the comfort zone though

Sorry haven't RTFT but if you're short on time and out between school and dinner time then a slow cooker is a godsend. And microwave rice!

Oh and visiting relatives is a weekend thing, nobody would be so rude as to come here in the week (nor would I pop to my parent's/brother's/boyfriend's without express invitation for food )

I'm sorry op I should have read the full post. Even though I had an issue with the first post as it does sound pretty bad, it doesn't mean you're a bad parent. If you have mental health issues and other difficulties then I don't want to make you feel worse. Some parents really don't care but that's not the case here. I'm glad you have lots of helpful replies and please accept my apology

Frozen mash (because I am not organised/motivated enough some days to peel, chop, boil, mash and my mash is always lumpy)

Same here...never ever make mash. It's always frozen or the ready made stuff in the chilled aisle.

I also use frozen garlic, chilli, onions, peppers and mushrooms!

formerbabe

Greatest inventions:

1. Sliced bread
2. Frozen mash

OP why don't you take the pressure off yourself for a while on the cooking front? Come up with a limited menu of a few easy things like sandwiches or scrambled eggs or beans and just go with that for a few weeks at least until you get housework and your scheduling difficulties under control? Baked potatoes, a simple salad or cut-up veggies and dip, fruit, yogurt.

To be honest I have never cooked a single thing from a "recipe" and I am 52. We just don't eat that way. Broiled meat or poultry on a salad or with veggie sides is standard fare, and we don't have meat or poultry at most meals. Eggs, salads, cheese, veggies.

apologies I haven't read while thread. just wanted to say well done for wanting to make that step.

she's hated on here however the annabel karmel family recipe book is very easy to use and id recommend. there's an after school supper and a lunch box book too. they may give you some good ideas.

not sure what's been said re family nut family or not it's rude to just turn up. so don't go worrying about them having to entertain. themselves for am hour or two. might teach.them.to ring first. and if the get funny sod them!!! your allowed to say no.

oh and make.some.time for yourself. you will achieve nothing if you don't look after yourself.

good luck

Good for you for taking positive steps op to make things better for all of you. Thats a really and thing to do. You are totally breaking the cycle of the way your mother was brought up and then you, and that shows how much you love them and are a good mother.

Please don't let the horrible posters put you off. Don't read them just move on.

Cooking is about planning. What am I going to eat, what do I need to buy, what days do I need to cook a quick meal. This can be hard at first, but does get easier and makes your life easier.

I work, so do a big meal (chilli, spaghetti Bol or roast) on a Sunday that I then have leftovers. Nowt wrong in scrambled egg or beans on toast if you need to make a quick meal (if it's a club night).

Your relatives and dh need to help you more. No wonder you're finding it tough - having to look after them and your kids.

You can say no to people. Or leave them to sort themselves out while you give the kids a quick (or wash and not ages playing) bath. Or get them to do it while you relax.

Poppy, I'm glad you've come up with a plan. Make sure you keep it achievable, though. Take baby steps and don't worry about trying to fix everything at once. Set yourself small goals. A good starting place is being assertive with the relatives who drop in on you ie "I just need to go bathe the kids, help yourselves to tea and coffee." I get the impression that the lack of confidence to do this is part of the baggage hanging over from your own childhood. I think maybe you can practice, in your head, telling the one or two less than kind and helpful posters in this thread, very simply and plainly, without justifying yourself, what you would like them to do :)

I do have a child who can have several baths a day (he's doubly incontinent and gets a sore bum in his nappy and hates the feeling after a poo). He's also developed a habit of tipping everything he can find into the bath, which, apart form being wasteful, does nothing to help his skin, so he needs someone to stay close. If he wants a morning bath, I use that time to wash my own face and clean my own teeth, as well as doing his, while he's in the bath. Other times of day, I take the time to give the bathroom a wipe down (dettol wipes or similar are handy for this) or organise the laundry so I have what I intend to wash over the next day or so all organised by colour or wash intensity. I've started putting things into big kitchen bin liners, so they don't all get mixed up again. I keep my hamper outside the bathroom door, so I can do this without getting too far away!

OP, can you get one of those flexible spray things that attach to the bathtub spigot, so you can more easily bathe and rinse the children? Have them stand in the tub and be sprayed down, then soap them up and rinse. It would be easier than supervising a full-fledged shower and quicker/use less water than running even a shallow bath.

People will probably be horrified by my frozen mash admission

If it's alright for Delia.......