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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not find time to bath my children?

627 replies

Poppybella2015 · 09/01/2016 09:22

Ok they do get a bath on a Sunday morning with bubbles and a hair wash, like I did as a child. The house also gets cleaned on a Sunday. But then life takes over.

Weekdays after school are a combination of clubs (2 a week) friends over, relatives popping round to see the kids, by the time we have had dinner I think oh my god the kids need to go to bed or it will be too late for them! (They currently sleep 8-7 and I have to wake them on a school day they are two and six) the toddler smells a bit cheesy by about Tuesday, the older one could do with another bath as she sometimes wees her pants at school and then sits in them :( my house turns into a tip in the week too as I always get invited to see a relative/go to a toddler group etc and then when toddler naps I flake out in exhaustion as I have an on going sinus infection and toddler wakes me a couple of times a night.

I really want to have a nice clean home, nice clean kids, be in a nice relaxed routine but life just seems to get in the way and make everything rushed.

I'm sure most people are hectic in the week and those that are not how do you do it? Should I be refusing play dates etc? Ignore relatives when they come round and bath the kids instead? Just tell people I'm busy but risk loosing friends??

Help!!

OP posts:
ScarlettDarling · 09/01/2016 19:25

Hi op...
I posted very early on in your thread and have only just returned. I am so impressed with your attitude. You accept that something is lacking and are willing to accept advice on how to improve things.

You sound like a fab mum to me. We all have areas we're not so great in, but lots of us aren't so aware of our failings and do nothing to rectify them.

Good luck. Ignore the hostile replies and continue with the plan you're putting in place. I think you'll be just fine Flowers

Katarzyna79 · 09/01/2016 19:27

Poppyi didnt say it explicitly in my post but believe me i think you are a great parent struggling. We all struggle we're not perfect. You were brave enough to recognise you need help and share the problem you csn see theres a problem not everyone does. Keep your chin up you'll get through this with a few changes in your routine.

Original poster
Poppybella2015 · 09/01/2016 19:32

Sorry I have only just come back to this post I have been cooking the girls dinner and getting them into bed. Mean to start as I want to go on! I will start reading all the replies now!

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppybella2015 · 09/01/2016 19:34

meadowhay I have been to the gp they think I have a sinus infection so I have been given some antibiotics. I keep thinking about asking about depression but am scared too! Will they be interested? What could they do to help?

I would be very grateful if you could pm me your list of recipes that is very kind, thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppybella2015 · 09/01/2016 19:38

tangerinesarenottheonlyfruit thank you that is a very kind thing to say.

I seem to be very popular as an adult which surprises me as I was not as a child, hence all the invites for play dates and to toddler groups from other mums, or maybe they just feel sorry for me, I think I am a people pleaser so don't like to say no to going anywhere! With the relatives it is hard work as they come to tell me about their problems not to actually help me with DC, sigh.

OP posts:
lincolnshirelassy · 09/01/2016 19:41

poppy please do not be frightened to ask about depression. I struggled on for years feeling crap until I finally had a complete breakdown last June. Eventually was given prozac, which I never ever thought I would, and it has changed my life. I totally get being scared to mention it. I was. But you deserve to be happy and enjoy your children. Pluck up the courage, take a friend, or family member, but just take that step. Flowers

Original poster
Poppybella2015 · 09/01/2016 19:52

Thank you so much everyone I feel like crying with all the kind messages. I'm so glad I posted despite some of the negative replies I feel like a weight has been lifted and feel motivated to start the new routine. I would like to see a doctor as mental health problems run in our family and I think I could have been depressed since a child but am scared they would take my children away or something?? I can cope with them I think the bath problem was just that I felt like I couldn't fit everything in and I was bought up to think hygiene isn't important so I didn't realise how bad it was until I came on here. We eat ok but dds eat a bit too much bread as toast, things on toast, sandwiches feature a lot in our breakfasts and lunches. But I promise they are fed clothed loved etc. I do find it hard to manage but I don't think I would like any help to manage as there are people in worse situations than me. I just feel constantly tired and like everything is a big effort if that makes sense.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 09/01/2016 19:55

" ne. I would like to see a doctor as mental health problems run in our family and I think I could have been depressed since a child but am scared they would take my children away or something?? I"
Please do. Unless your children are at risk of harm from you or seriously neglected (bathed once a week doesnt come vlose ) there will be no taking them away. Even if you were seriously neglecting them you'd get help to improve. Social workers know that parents love their children. Children love their parents. On the whole, it's best if parents and children live together .

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/01/2016 20:01

But I promise they are fed clothed loved etc

that much is obvious op Smile

don't be afraid to ask for help re being depressed. they don't just take.the kids away if your depressed or 75 percent of MN would probably have their kids removed by now. it's something so common and treatment is available. so take it with absolutely zero shame!!!! so make that appointment and take whatever help you are offered. doesn't matter that people have it worse. doesn't make what you are feeling any less hard or valid.

Flowers
lincolnshirelassy · 09/01/2016 20:01

poppy no one will take your children away for approaching your GP about depression. I was afraid and kept quiet for ages because I was fearful but since I got treatment I have been amazed at the number of friends who have admitted that they are on anti-depressants! All good mums, all just struggling to cope with the pressure of modern life. So please do it, sooner rather than later x

lincolnshirelassy · 09/01/2016 20:03

And as for too much toast, well, our house pretty much functions on toast at times!!!! Just give them some fruit and cheese with it!!

Jesabel · 09/01/2016 20:04

I promise you toast and sandwiches feature in 95% of people's breakfasts and lunches!

VegetablEsoup · 09/01/2016 20:04

poppy bread is fine. it's nutricious and yummy.

what about your dh? even if he wirks long hours he could do more at home. like batch cooking, cleaning.

Sandyclaus · 09/01/2016 20:07

Glad you have sorted out a plan OP - a good step in the right direction. In terms of cooking - have a look in the food section on here - there are lots of great threads about simple / quick recipes - and also if you haven't got one, maybe invest in a slow cooker ? I've got one and it's a godsend. Chuck everything in in the morning, and dish up at tea time - no messing around, and this may free up the time you need for the baths. Hope your planning helps you get organised and feel less overwhelmed. Good luck

MeadowHay · 09/01/2016 20:11

Poppy The GP should definitely be interested. You just make an appointment as normal, but if you wanted you could ask the receptionist first to recommend a GP at the practice with a special interest in mental health, because I'm not going to lie, their competence and interest in mental health problems can vary. Then when you go to the appointment you could say, I've been feeling very tired all the time recently (tell them how long for), and I've been finding this list of things difficult: e.g., bathing the kids and myself, cooking meals etc, and I'm wondering whether I may be suffering from depression? If you wanted, you could look on the MIND website's fact sheet of depression, or on NHS Choice's website, and see what symptoms they list of depression, and see if any of them apply to you? If they do, you could maybe write them down on a list and take them with you when you go to see the doctor. The GP should really ask you some more questions about how you've been feeling and about your symptoms, and they may possibly get you to fill in a little questionnaire called a depression inventory, which would ask you questions about how you feel, and help them to decide whether a diagnosis of depression is appropriate or not, and if so, to discuss treatment (usually some kind of talking therapy). If you want to PM me more about this you can as well, because I've had treatment for depression for a number of years which is still ongoing (BUT mine was severe when I first got in contact with healthcare providers, and I'm now much better than I was, so don't let that worry you).

nicestrongtea · 09/01/2016 20:11

Op - you can do it !

I always mapped out my week and it only had one "thing" per day.

So morning baby/toddler group then home afternoon and evening, quiet play in the afternoon while I did chores then tea ,bath,bed etc
Or chores/washing/lunch then afternoon group then home tea ,bath bed.

Relatives/friends who just come round and demand from you are not helpful.
After 6 pm mon-fri- no thanks Its time for the DC
You don't talk much about your partner??

Sadandconfusednamechanger · 09/01/2016 20:34

OP I have been lurking and just wanted to say that my kids don't have a daily bath or even on alternate days. My older child struggles with the sensation of water on the skin (sensory issue) and it is a struggle to get him in the bath once a week. I have had to rely on waterless shampoo and body wash, bed bath wipes, flannel and warm soapy water etc. Not the best but trying my hardest. My younger child loves baths and has them maybe twice a week. The rest of the time it's an all over wash. Both kids brush their teeth at bedtime and in the morning, but again it's a struggle with the older one.
Please don't feel bad. It sounds like you are a good mum who loves her kids. Nobody on here is perfect, including the judgypants people.
For cooking I recommend the slow cooker. You can shove everything in it sometime before lunchtime and ignore most of the time until teatime. And for those days when you are busy after school you can leave it cooking away merrily until you are ready.

Excited101 · 09/01/2016 20:40

Fold a dry towel around their pillows (it's what I do) then there's no need to blow dry hair before bed

IssyStark · 09/01/2016 20:42

Bath ince a week is absolutely fine as long as you wash hands and saves daily. Unless they are getting claried in muck daily, there us no need to bathe them daily. I don't bathe or shower daily (but I do wash daily). Absolutely no reason for my DC to be different.

Frequent bathing is not good for the skin.

Original poster
Poppybella2015 · 09/01/2016 20:43

I have got a slow cooker, I tried it for a while but found the browning of meet, chopping of vegetables making the stock cube up washing up after too time consuming in the mornings, maybe I am doing something wrong? I made a lovely Spag Bol in it but wiping the mushrooms, browning the mince etc took too long for first thing in the morning. Are there quicker recipes that can be done in it? Or should I just do it at lunchtime and cook it on high instead?

OP posts:
IssyStark · 09/01/2016 20:48

Bother predictive text! Wash hands and faces daily, plus quick shower down when there have been accidents.

LeaLeander · 09/01/2016 20:56

You can brown a lot of mince on a weekend and freeze it in ziploc bags in the portions you need to create a meal, then just dump it in the slow cooker in a morning with tomato sauce and whatever seasonings. Or a jarred tomato/pasta sauce.

You can roast a number of chicken breasts and freeze them and pull out a few cooked ones, thaw and use for sandwiches, salads, or just on their own with baked potatoes or vegetable.

I spent half an hour two weeks ago with four pounds of mince and lots of tinned tomato sauce/paste and made a large vat of spaghetti sauce. It seriously took less than half an hour, then time to let it simmer, cool etc. Less than 10 min to put in tubs for the freezer and clean up the pans and I won't have to worry about making that sauce for quite some time to come.

I know batch cooking sounds daunting but really if you just try one thing on a Sunday morning or afternoon and have it available to you a couple of times in the coming week it will help so much. Boil a dozen eggs if your family will eat them on salads or as a sandwich. Cut up veggies and put in ziploc bags or storage containers. Make a lasagne with jarred sauce. (or better yet buy a frozen one.)

To me getting the hygiene under control, and the housework, would be more important than variety/complexity in the meals. For now.

waitingforsomething · 09/01/2016 20:57

I'm sorry but I do think this is unreasonable.
It takes 10 minutes if you need- 5 for a quick Bath together and 5 to get dry and in pjs. You could do it while dinner is cooking a couple of times a week.
I have a 3 year old and 6 month old. Our lives are very busy and chaotic but the baby is bathed daily and the 3 year old joins him every other day

kimlo · 09/01/2016 20:57

I prep everything for the slow cooker the night before. So if I had spag bol in it one night while the pasta was cooking I will do the veg for a curry the next night. I dont brown any of the meat it just goes in.

I also make more than I need, freeze it then its ready to pull out of the freezer for another night. This morning I made a pan of soup, but made enough to freeze 2 nights worth of tea for next week or whenever

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/01/2016 20:59

It tastes better if you brown, but it's not vital.

Google "slow cooker dump bags"

you will have to spend done time say one weekend chopping and peeling etc. but end result is a load of freezer bags full of prepared meat and veg that can he pulled out night before and just dumped in the slow cooker. you will need to stock or the liquid ingredients but they work.

some sites even offer the option of printing out a shopping list. I did a load when dd2 started school as I had two lots of puck ups and it was easier.

might be worth a shit.