To not find time to bath my children?

[Poppybella2015]

Ok they do get a bath on a Sunday morning with bubbles and a hair wash, like I did as a child. The house also gets cleaned on a Sunday. But then life takes over.

Weekdays after school are a combination of clubs (2 a week) friends over, relatives popping round to see the kids, by the time we have had dinner I think oh my god the kids need to go to bed or it will be too late for them! (They currently sleep 8-7 and I have to wake them on a school day they are two and six) the toddler smells a bit cheesy by about Tuesday, the older one could do with another bath as she sometimes wees her pants at school and then sits in them :( my house turns into a tip in the week too as I always get invited to see a relative/go to a toddler group etc and then when toddler naps I flake out in exhaustion as I have an on going sinus infection and toddler wakes me a couple of times a night.

I really want to have a nice clean home, nice clean kids, be in a nice relaxed routine but life just seems to get in the way and make everything rushed.

I'm sure most people are hectic in the week and those that are not how do you do it? Should I be refusing play dates etc? Ignore relatives when they come round and bath the kids instead? Just tell people I'm busy but risk loosing friends??

Help!!

YANBU- I'd like to say I'm shocked by some of the sanctimonious vipers on here but, after a few months on mumsnet I'm beginning to realise that there are some horrible women on here. I just can't be bothered to read the thread- a capital offence on here, I know- because a quick read of the first couple of pages depresses the hell out of me- what the fuck happened to the sisterhood? why do some women delight in running others down?- it's shameful and cowardly!
I bet your kids are way happier than those belonging to some of the bullies on here.
You sound like a lovely, caring mum with good priorities.
My kids have a bath once or twice a week- quite often we'll walk out of a dirty house to enjoy some family time rather than clean it and sometimes I just watch the telly with them- we're not perfect but enjoy good banter with our kids and they have good friendships
They have reasonably healthy meals sometimes and sometimes not, teeth are brushed twice a day-
We're not perfect but I know we have our priorities straight and I bet you do too xx
disclaimer: there are some pleasant, sensible women on here too but I'm getting so sensitised to the significant number of bullies...aargh! stop it already!

this thread is great for easy food ideas.

PoppyBella, I used to go to all themum and tots groups when my daughter was smaller and my friend said, hey, it's ok to take time just for you and her sometimes and let her just have a play at home. They will have friends. Try not to worry. You're already finding a balance and a lot of parenting is finding your way.

As for food, baked potato with beans and cheese or other accompaniment is easy and good for tired people. A pasta sauce isn't too hard to make from tinned tomatoes, fry a chopped onion, garlic, pepper etc and put parmesan on top. Lentil dahl is easy too but of depends on personal preferences ofcourse. I worry mine doesn't eat so well because she is bloomin' picky! Maybe there is a source online for simple recipes or a book someone could recommend? I'll have a look.

Sometimes I feel exhausted and I only have one child. I also never thought of just the quick in and out bath!

OP you talk a lot about how other mothers are quicker and more organised and better than you. Not the case. They just have practised these skills more. They will have other flaws which you have as strengths so don't put yourself down. You've got a plan now so onwards and upwards.

My DM is confused when I say things like this as she said nobody is taught how to cook and clean you just do it which makes me feel a bit useless

That's not really the case. Most people start to learn about how to cook, how to clean, how to organise cleaning routines, everyday routines and so on by using their parents as models. More so if their parents actively involved them in things like preparing meals and cleaning as they grew up.

It is of course possible to figure out how to "just do it" if you haven't had those examples growing up, but it's almost certainly going to take more effort and trial and error than if your mum had taught you about cooking and cleaning and self care.

If you're comparing yourself to the other mums who are managing it all because they're "faster and more organised at cooking and cleaning" than you, well, there's a very good chance that they've picked up skills and organizational tips from parents who've modelled those skills and they've had a head start on you that way.

Good luck with it all OP.

lonnyvonnywilsonfricket thank you I will have a look at that food thread. My problem is I attempt lots of recipes as I don't know how to cook, I would love to know how to cook simple family food.

ministry of food is a good start for basics.

I cook fresh but very simple, easy food for my dc on weekdays.

So...

Stir fry. ..literally noodles, any veg chucked in and some diced chicken breast.

Pizza with crudités. ..so chopped up raw peppers, carrots, cucumber.

Wholemeal toast with scrambled egg and beans.

Chicken in breadcrumbs with mash (use frozen) and peas.

All are really quick and easy.

Have you got a slow cooker. On days where we had after school activities...I would chuck some chicken thighs and a mild curry sauce in the slow cooker at midday. By the time we got home, dinner could be served immediately...would use a sachet of microwavable rice.

Stop with the relative visiting constantly and put both children in the bath at the same time. Less baby groups. The children have siblings, they can survive for goodness sake. I haven't read the whole thread.

Not read all the replies but yes yabvvvu! Bath takes 10 mins. It's gross you don't wash the 6 year old after wetting themselves and its neglectful. I do a nightly bath for my toddler and hair wash twice a week.

That's the thread for you then! The other thing is to practice. Spot a recipe you like. Make it. If the DCs like it, make it weekly for a month. Then you'll know how to do it, practiacally in your sleep.

Get a big book and write or print the recipes you like and that work for you. Keep making recipe no 1, but add another one. Make it once a week for a month. Now you've got two family favourites you can make really easily.

Start online shopping, or start to keep a running shopping list. Write down the ingredients you need for recipe 1 and 2, so you can keep the cupboard topped up.

Then add another recipe.

Within 6 months you'll have a range of family meals that are easy and quick and shopped for as a matter of course. So cooking is under control.

If you then want to experiment once a week or whatever, do it. But get some basics under your belt first and then you'll always be able to sort out the tea.

op re cooking, have you got a local children's centre? They often do cooking lessons etc which you may be able to go along to with your toddler?

Not read all the replies

Had you have RTFT JW35 you would have seen the OP had taken onboard the advice hours ago and has implemented a new plan.

Good luck op!

As an aside, please don't brush your teeth after being sick...rinse by all mean, but don't brush for at least 15 mins, because all you do is brush the acid around your month, which can cause erosion.

Jw35 I'll admit to not having read the full thread too...BUT that is because I know a lot of the replies will be from judgemental a holes just waiting to crucify the op...

And again...BUT I had the good manners to read all of op's before I responded. I know that some threads can be long, but it didn't take long to reads op's posts before adding what I thought.

Your poor daughter. After sitting in her own piss all day, you don't even give her a bath? I'm sorry but that's neglect.

Do you get time to wash yourself? Yabu so stop with excuses your being lazy. People work full time do clubs keep a house and manage to wash their kids. My step daughter mum is like you I dont understand your thinking.

OP, you sound really great: determined, honest, loyal, loving.

Just a couple of points from me:

• in an earlier post you said something about your husband's long work hours making you feel like a single parent with an extra, big, child. Do you have to a lot for him, and is this what makes the evening hours feel very tricky and rushed? What happens about the evening meal, etc? I think when you have small children you have to let looking after the adult in your life go a little - at least till after child bedtime. Would he cook for himself and you?

• on the food thing: nobody just knows how to cook. Everyone has to learn. it is a pity you have to learn now while you are so busy, and it would have been easier to learn at home when you had less responsibility! but you can learn. there are lots of mn threads with titles like "quick easy recipes for school nights". But if you can't find them, or want more detailed instructions than you are seeing, just start one. Write an OP and ask for advice and it will probably become a very popular thread, because everyone is either desperate for advice on this, or used to be and now has great tips to share.

Thanks for your reports about this thread, and sorry to interrupt, OP.

To some who haven't RTFT, just a friendly reminder that Mumsnet is about making parents' lives easier. This parenting business is hard enough as it is, and if there's one thing we could all do with, it's some moral support.

OP Please, please ignore people like 3perfectweemen - you are not lazy, just honest and people who appear so accomplished will be failing somewhere, I guarantee it! (3perfect could start brushing up on her lazy grammar for a start: can we just agree that people who substitite "your" for "you're" shouldn't procreate!)
And d'you know I have a bit of an inverse rule in that the more immaculate a house and children, the less interesting the household - it's an infallible rule!

lonnyvonnywilsonfricket thank you that's a great idea. I have a notebook where I have been trying to write down (long and complicated) recipes I have tried, which is useless as I don't have time to cook them. I will tear those pages out and start again with your suggestion of mastering something once a week for a month and adding it to the list.

Thank you to all the other posters who have posted such useful tips, there are too many of you to thank individually. And to the lady who shared her own story. I have read every single post but there are so many I cannot reply to them all but I have taken everything on board. I probably deserve the negative posts too, and they have given me a kick up the bum. My own DM had a difficult childhood but still focuses on it without seeing the damage she has done to her own dc. I had two suicide attempts as a child one which was nearly successful but when visited by a social worker instead of being concerned for me my mum said after the social worker left goodness knows what she must of thought of her and my dad, they were really ashamed of my "behaviour". I don't want to turn into my DM and use my own difficult childhood as a reason why I am not fully present for my DC. I really want to break the cycle but it's hard. I will keep trying as I don't want them to have to recover from their childhood so that they can parent their children properly. I want to break the cycle for them. My own DM didn't teach us how to look after ourselves as her mother had mantle health problems and didn't teach her, I don't want my DC to end up the same so even though I didn't have a role model and don't have DM for support I want to be a role model for my DC and be helpful and supportive too them. Mumsnet seems great with lots of helpful tips so I may be asking more (stupid) questions in the future

Omg I am not trying to start a riot! And i just said mumsnet was a helpful place, maybe I won't post any more posts in future, I don't want to be verbally attacked! Although maybe I have to just ignore these type of posts as the other supportive threads have been priceless in helping me. Thanks to those posts I now know I can do a quick bath so can start that new routine straight away so I guess the negative posts are worth ignoring

poppy please look after your own mental health, that's more important than anything. And don't feel you and your toddler always have to be at clubs etc, it's great that you want them to be social but they will also love a bit of downtime with you when your older dc is at school. Why not set one of these days aside to learn a simple recipe and cook with the two year? That way you're teaching yourself AND her, and starting to pass on the skills to her from a very early age that your DM never took the time to teach you. Good luck x

Don't be a twat LeSquigh. OP is obviously struggling.