To not find time to bath my children?

[Poppybella2015]

Ok they do get a bath on a Sunday morning with bubbles and a hair wash, like I did as a child. The house also gets cleaned on a Sunday. But then life takes over.

Weekdays after school are a combination of clubs (2 a week) friends over, relatives popping round to see the kids, by the time we have had dinner I think oh my god the kids need to go to bed or it will be too late for them! (They currently sleep 8-7 and I have to wake them on a school day they are two and six) the toddler smells a bit cheesy by about Tuesday, the older one could do with another bath as she sometimes wees her pants at school and then sits in them :( my house turns into a tip in the week too as I always get invited to see a relative/go to a toddler group etc and then when toddler naps I flake out in exhaustion as I have an on going sinus infection and toddler wakes me a couple of times a night.

I really want to have a nice clean home, nice clean kids, be in a nice relaxed routine but life just seems to get in the way and make everything rushed.

I'm sure most people are hectic in the week and those that are not how do you do it? Should I be refusing play dates etc? Ignore relatives when they come round and bath the kids instead? Just tell people I'm busy but risk loosing friends??

Help!!

Op I'd suggest you hide the thread or get ready to tune out all the twits that haven't bothered to read the thread and seen you've already made a great plan to change things for the better and accepted you'd been unreasonable. Best of luck.

I really want to have a nice clean home, nice clean kids, be in a nice relaxed routine but life just seems to get in the way and make everything rushed.

Let me guess you feel like you are chasing your tail and always trying to catch up and so much to do that you don't really know where to start properly. Have a look at the flylady website, there is a thread in housekeeping about it, don't sign up for the emails as they bombard you with them but focus on the principals so you are not looking at the big picture but breaking it down into small manageable chunks, it works, well it does for me, my house is much more organised these days and I seem to have more time for me too. You can turn things around starting with implementing a good night time routine, with any luck a good routine and possibly an earlier bedtime might help the 2 year old sleep better so you aren't getting disturbed so much which in turn will give you more energy to face things. The relatives do need to stop the midweek visit or they need to make it earlier. Good Luck

You are not stupid, you weren't taught so you didn't know. As you now realise, quick baths are the answer. As for friends/visitors - I'm not sure if you work outside of the home, but it sounds as if you don't have time for daily visits. Nothing wrong with that. I'm a single mum to a four year old and work full-time. I simply don't have the time for people to drop in every evening, it's not practical. Unless they are coming to help you - leave it for Thursday/Friday evenings and learn to say 'this is not a good time' the rest of the week. Unfortunately it is noticeable when children smell. There is a boy in reception with my son who smells really unpleasant. Bathing everyday is not essential but as a minimum they should be washed on the days that they do not have a bath (morning and evening) and teeth brushed everyday twice a day.

Well done OP for making the first step.

Get to relatives to bath them on the wednesdays while you can tidy up. if they wont help then you should refuse to let them in. Life is hectic enough without the added stress of unhelpful visitors.

Also don't feel pressurized into having activities etc each evening. The school day is hard going and your DC wont miss out on anything by one less class to attend. I certainly wont be able to do this once DD starts school as DH and I will be working a full day.

I hope you enjoy your saturday!

I don't see it as snide. It clear on this thread that many parents think their children are adequately clean. And don't feel any need to spend 15-20 minutes a night bathing them/giving them a thorough wash etc.

Least you were honest OP most folks wouldn admit to it dye ti scathing comments.

Id reduce time relatives visit. On a school night its not realistic is it? Dinner tidy homeworkk, homework if any bed. Tell them to comr weekend hopefully unlike mine they will listen and come at an appropriate time. If not anf u need to bathe kids tell them ypu need to be excused .

I think its dirty and we use water after pee and poops not just tissue, Even then i wouldnt leave my kids so long unbathed. Ask yourself would u go without bathing daily or every other day at thevery least? I doubt itdoesnt feel good i doubt kids feel good either.

you need to organise your time and priorities better i would tell rellies not to visit on weekdays at all you dont have the time.

i have 4 kids OP another on the way and 2 adults i care for if i xan do it believe me you cab,i know its tough op i sympathise but your kids come first not relatuves . Id cut clubs out if it helps you bathing them.take them to weekend activities instead thats,what i do.

2 of my kids go mosque aftter school by time they get bacj its 8.30. Believe me i dont want to get them in bath at 9, having bathed younger 2 at 6.30 pm.but i trot along just do it fast 10 mins each for them. we do 30 mins homework everyday and in wk d spend rew hts finishing it all. Sit down organise your time better. If you have a partner get him to help.

Good luck op

OP, just to add that I rarely do play dates or after school activities, I simply don't have the time and I know that I am not alone. You are probably looking at other mums and seeing them as superhuman beings who manage to be all things to everyone, but I guarantee you, nothing could be further from the truth. At their ages one play date a month and one afterschool activity a week is plenty. You have had some good advice and I'm sure you'll be fine.

And it's clear that you think that doesn't constitute ensuring your children are properly clean Skandi.

it clear on this thread that many parents think their children are adequately clean. And don't feel any need to spend 15-20 minutes a night bathing them/giving them a thorough wash etc.

Mine are adequately clean. I don't feel the need to bath them every night. I don't prioritise watching TV over my children being clean, because they are clean.

Although my teen sn son isn't always the cleanest due to his issues, but try forcing a 14 year old in the shower every day.

Ooops...just read Purpledaisie's post.

Sorry....am guilty of not reading through the whole thread and seeing your post about plans so I just answered the original question. Good luck with your plans

Same her stumbly I consider myself suitably chastened

I think you really need to build a more structured night time routine - as so many others have said. However, I don't think. Nightly bath is necessary. My two older ones are 4 and 7. They have a bath and hair wash twice a week. We live in a climate that is very cold in winter, very hot in summer (Midwest USA) and although we have daily baths in summer, we just top-n-tail on non-bath days. It dries out their skin terribly otherwise, even with mild baby wash.

I used to bathe my kids every night, but now I'm a single, full-time working mum, its not feasible. However, I ensure for hygiene and comfort they get a bath every two nights and always on my elder daughter's gym days.

I've just seen your plan OP. Good luck! And please ignore the nasty judgement on this thread. Like others have said, this should be a place for support. It takes a lot to admit that you're struggling and need guidance.,

Good luck op...I hope you manage to find a routine which works for your family.

I must add that I think children don't always need constant activities. My dc really like coming home from school and just chilling. They play by themselves, watch TV and just relax. School can be really tiring and I found too many after school activities was exhausting them.

I have 3 kids and I actually have to schedule in the times for them to bath. Not only that but they always fight to bath last. Any suggestions on how to manage this?

Why don't you keep one night free of clubs and guests for allowing you to rest a bit and keep on top of things.

op here I've had a very productive 5 hours nice long bath and hair wash and dried nails cut for the girls like we normally do on a Sunday. I'm going to carry on doing that once a week but on the school nights start doing a shallow bath with oilatum a quick in and out like suggested. I feel stupid for not realising baths could be quick! As I said I was not taught I needed to wash so only ever experienced the once a week soak in the bath! If I was ever poorly we went without that bath and was even told no need to clean teeth if we were ill! Imagine being sick and then not having your teeth cleaned yuck. I remember my mum laughing at the fur on my teeth :( I was responsible for cleaning my own teeth and never did it, I didn't know how too until I was bought an electric toothbrush as a teen and then I could manage it.

I have said to my mum many times I am struggling as DH is always working 7 days a week but she just said well I struggled too and turns it round onto her :(

Thank you for the poster that asked if I needed any other advice. I think I'm ok on everything else, teeth are cleaned twice a day, girls have never had nits, homework always done and dd is one of the top pupils in her class. I do struggle with food a bit as we didn't have a healthy diet growing up and I wasn't taught to cook. My DM is confused when I say things like this as she said nobody is taught how to cook and clean you just do it which makes me feel a bit useless. I have taught myself since having dc but I am slow and inefficient at everything. I guess I should cut down on the play dates and toddler groups and concentrate on the house stuff as the other mums can probably manage it all as they are faster and more organised at cooking and cleaning than me. I find getting out keeps me sane though and I want to make sure my dc have friends as I was badly bullied as a child to the point of suicide.

Sorry for the rant I think everything has just come to a head today as I have a day at home and really want to concentrate on sorting our lives out!

Will some of you learn to fucking read? The OP has taken on board what people have said and has implemented a plan of action, hours and hours ago!

Bathing your children every day (mine were btw) doesn't make you make you mother of the fucking. Coming on here being sanctimonious about your perfect routines and how you did x,y&z makes you look like a bit of an arse tbh.

The OP has said she is struggling. If you haven't struggled at somepoint in your prefect lives then you're very lucky, but most people have. Stop kicking her whilst she's down, ffs. MN is supposed to be about support,

And for God's sake can people start reading the whole thread?

It's so hard managing it all, isn't it? And I strongly disagree with your mum - cooking and cleaning are not just something that you do. Or rather - you can, but it's so much easier if you had someone growing up who taught you. It sounds as if you didn't really have someone at home to teach you, so it's no surprise that you're struggling a bit now. But you are making positive changes and you should be proud!

OP - sounds like you have had a good day. I'm having a catch up day today - have done some errands which I've been meaning to do for ages and caught up on sorting out the wardrobes in the spare room and cleared out the airing cupboard - it certainly makes you feel better !

Well said Hermione, at least she knows there is a problem and wants to change things! Lots of tips on here to get motivated.

Good for you OP. I strongly disagree with your DM - no-one just "knows" how to cook and clean! And I'm willing to bet the other Mums all have things they struggle with too.

Cooking etc does get easier with practice. I think it's also useful to batch cook some things and then freeze into portions that you can use to make other meals with during the week. Eg DH made a bolognese sauce last night; the leftovers are in 2 portions in the freezer; we'll have one with chilli and beans added tomorrow with rice and tortillas and the other on Monday with salad as a filling for baked potatoes. I will also resort to adding vegetables to packet foods if need be without any shame. My DCs love risotto - I buy a packet of dried risotto mix, fry an onion (and sometimes strips of red pepper or mushrooms depending on the flavour) gently to start off then add the packet the water mentioned on the packet and as many fresh vegetables as I have in (any combination of cauliflower, broccoli, peas, mushrooms, asparagus, green beans, baby sweet corn, mangetout courgettes cut into chunks etc)

With respect to your mum, she's talking rubbish. No-one is born learning how to cook and clean, you are taught it. Some people never are - look at all the men mentioned on here who don't do anything!

The posters on Food here are lovely so if you want to pick up some tips or get some ideas, post there. Again though, it's often about keeping things simple. There's so much interest in food these days but you don't need to be Jamie Oliver to feed your family well. Simple food is enough. There was a lovely thread actually from a poster who was struggling because she was disabled, I'll see if I can find it....

Remember too your mental health is the most important thing. You can't pour from an empty cup. So if you feel that being social helps you, then don't stop that.