To not find time to bath my children?

[Poppybella2015]

Ok they do get a bath on a Sunday morning with bubbles and a hair wash, like I did as a child. The house also gets cleaned on a Sunday. But then life takes over.

Weekdays after school are a combination of clubs (2 a week) friends over, relatives popping round to see the kids, by the time we have had dinner I think oh my god the kids need to go to bed or it will be too late for them! (They currently sleep 8-7 and I have to wake them on a school day they are two and six) the toddler smells a bit cheesy by about Tuesday, the older one could do with another bath as she sometimes wees her pants at school and then sits in them :( my house turns into a tip in the week too as I always get invited to see a relative/go to a toddler group etc and then when toddler naps I flake out in exhaustion as I have an on going sinus infection and toddler wakes me a couple of times a night.

I really want to have a nice clean home, nice clean kids, be in a nice relaxed routine but life just seems to get in the way and make everything rushed.

I'm sure most people are hectic in the week and those that are not how do you do it? Should I be refusing play dates etc? Ignore relatives when they come round and bath the kids instead? Just tell people I'm busy but risk loosing friends??

Help!!

Ignore the people who say you need to bathe every day, that's nonsense. If you want to, fine, but it's fine not to also!

Twice a week is fine IMO.

I totally get where you're coming from about feeling tired and overwhelmed. Lots of stuff in my home would get the judgy-pants on this thread well-and-truly hoiked. But fuck-em if they want to judge, I am doing the best I can, and my DC are thriving, even if the house isn't up to scratch.

I do OK with baths though, they get 3 or 4 a week, but often because it's the one place they stop arguing - with me or each other - for at least 10 minutes!

They go in together, I expect yours do too? If not, that's a great way to save time and hopefully they'll enjoy it.

Not having people over when the DC need a bath, seems like a great shame. Good relationships with family and friends are what makes the world go round IMO, what a shame to prioritise a bath over people. There must be a way to do both!

If I had people over when the DC needed a bath, I would carry on anyway, and give them a bath with the visitors there. Why don't you make Wednesday night bath night, come what may, even if visitors are there? They can stay and chat while you bathe the DC, or leave at that point, whichever they like.

Also, what are your relatives like? When my DSIS or MIL come over, they love giving the DC a bath. (The rest of the family, not so much). Would any of yours actually like to give the DC their bath? If so they could bathe the DC, giving you time to catch a few minutes to do something else.

Mrsdevere - that's fair enough if you were receiving specialist care for your son and found that daily baths didn't help. It just irks me that it's trotted out on every thread that you simply can't wash too often if you have any sort of problem skin. Also GP's are not great with skin complaints and I found particularly bad with knowing how to deal with eczema.

We saw a top dermatologist at great Ormond street as DS used to bleed. We also had to use bandages when he was a small baby. The advice was to bath ( short and not very hot) twice a day and then lock the dampness into the skin with steroid or moisturiser. That was the advice he said he gave to all of his patients and advice I passed on to friends. It worked for us and DS improved dramatically. Obviously each case is slightly different though and the cause of eczema different for each person.

merlinisation I agree with that.
Mine had the same routine every evening and I found it helped them settle.
Tea, bath ,teeth, stories, bed, lights out , sleep-aaahhhhhhh! bliss !

Bathing everyday is a choice NOT a necessity (please read previous quotes from peadiatric dermatology papers!) unless you work down a mine or come home covered in filth every single day.
My son has to be very careful not to bathe too often as its flares up his excema.
Trying to balance this and the need for more hygiene now he has started puberty is tricky.
I don't bathe every day. Why would I unless I had been going something very sweaty and dirty? 3/4 times a week is plenty and doesn't strip my skin of all its natural oils.
But...hey....judge away!

You need to cut down the visitors and play dates. How many can you possibly be having that leaves no time to clean or care for your children properly when your aren't even at work.

Children learn by example, poor hygiene and an unclean messy house will be the norm for them.

Does the motivation of having visitors daily not compel you to ensure the children are clean and the house tidy?

Mine get bathed every other day, apart from dd1 (6.5) who sometimes gets a bath everyday if she is a bit smelly, but she is sensible enough to leave unattended while I get the younger two ready for bed.

If my 3 year old has an accident and wets herself I stand her in the bath and do a quick strip wash, it takes minutes. Likewise if dd1 has smelly armpits, but I don't have time for the full bath then I just help her wash them at the sink. You can run less water and do an in and out bath (just wash, no play) in 10 minutes with dressing time included.

What time do you get home most evenings? Could you give the kids something quick and easy for dinner then one person bath them while the other cooks for the adults? Or when you get in can one of you bath children while the other gets the dinner ready?

for my dc with exzema we use eucerin shower oil one pump in a shallow bath.

I agree you need a blood test, you really shouldn't be so shattered all the time. If that's not the issue, can you look at what you are doing whilst the children are at nursery/school and see what you can cut down?

OP- so glad to see your update, I think you knew in your heart of hearts you were going a little wrong, and now have had the MN boot up the backside to set you in the right direction. Good luck with it all. Ignore posts from people who haven't read the thread. It's an illustration of how there is very little support for people and much judging on here, I think you have explained very eloquently that you didn't have this yourself growing up and need to actually learn this stuff, I have every faith in you that you will.

I do think small DC do need to have a bath/shower/wash everyday.
They don't wipe properly, get sore bottoms and if they are wet, it smells and they get grubby with food and if they are out playing, mud etc.
Once they are doing sports/activities they need a daily shower/bath and then they have puberty !

I cant be doing with damp flannels( shudder) so mine had a bath, played with some toys and were in and out in 10 minutes.

I love the smell of freshly bathed DC

OP, I don't normally admit to this as it is something I try to blank out, that period of my life where I was like you in many ways and probably worse.

My first reply wasn't very sympathetic, and I think it is because it brings me back to that time in my life, which I try to pretend never happened to me.

I just wanted to let you know that when two of mine were much younger (well over 10 years ago now) I didn't bathe my kids enough. I was depressed but didn't realise it at the time. I found everyday chores massively hard. Bathing the children at the time seemed like a massive thing to do, because I was depressed, overwhelmed, stressed and had no real routine. It came to a head for me when a nursery teacher told me my son smelled of urine. That is the part I try to forget because I still feel embarrassed over 10 years later, and ashamed. I was young at the time and everything got on top of me and bathing kids didn't seem as simple as it really is. I still remember the feeling of panic and stress over everyday tasks.

Now, many children later I have a great routine, things don't overwhelm me anymore. I am no longer the depressed person who finds it hard to bathe her children etc. No, I don't bathe mine as much as others but they are always clean and smell free and their bath routine is based on what they need and not depression so I'm happy with it. It took time to get into a routine and realise I needed help, but it can be done.

You have some great advice here, but I wanted to know you aren't the only one who has struggled. I hope this helps you a little bit. I wish I had the guts at the time to admit I was struggling and get advice.

You will get through this and work this out I now have clean children, and reasonably tidy and clean house but I struggled with it all for quite some time but I'm not that person now and you will find your way as well.

I posted earlier on this thread and think it was an ill-judged post. I think the OP's first post belied what was behind the seemingly curious non-prioritisation of fairly basic needs.

Now the OP's given more information, it is very clear that she is trying hard and battling against her childhood issues. That's quite a different scenario and anyone berating the OP after reading the update is being really rather unkind.

What a lovely post U2

The 'I do think children need baths daily' crap isn't really helping is it?

Right now, the most important thing is that the OP's children have a bath more. Not daily, that is going to overwhelm her even more.

Even if they have a bath once a week and when they have wet themselves or got really muddy, that is going to be a big step forward.

I can get mine in and out in a minute if I need to. Run bath, let them lie down, wash all over, rinse off and out or stick them in the shower for 30 seconds, wash and out

Please give your children a daily bath/shower and wash their hair regularly. This is basic parenting, like providing meals and a safe place to sleep.

Well then I don't do basic parenting either. My son has 3 or 4 showers or baths a week. He washes his hair twice a week. It is perfectly adequate unless you get very sweaty or muddy every day in which case he has an extra shower or bath.

Op...bathing every other day is fine.
Really.
And if your child wets at school then a quick wash with a warm flannel and perhaps some barrier cream applied once home will sort that out.
And dry shampoo for in between days.

Its not crap U2 the OP has said her DD wets herself.
I stated a bath/shower/wash not you must bath them
I just found it easier to have the same routine and chuck in bath.
Keeping small DC who wet clean is not crap

Anotheusername we are the same. I don't give daily baths as a general rule. Parents need to keep your children clean but that does not automatically equate to daily.

OP I struggled with this too. My parents were neglectful and I had no idea how to take care of myself, but I didn't realise that fully until I had my son. I just wanted to say I completely understand.

The feeling you will get from having them fed, clean and sleeping in a clean, fresh bed is like nothing else, I promise you. That feeling alone will make sure it turns into a habit that sticks.

There is no point kicking o.p when she is down. It's wrong they aren't getting bathed enough but o.p knows and is trying to implement changes.

If you don't want to tell visitors to bugger off get a teapot o.p they can make their own tea.Or just let them boil the kettle and make you a drink while they are at it.

Have you thought of a slow cooker or freezer meals? I don't mean 'beige' food I mean you could make meals and freeze them and just defrost/oven them when needed. That way you could give the dcs a bath when dinners cooking.

I think 3-4 times a week is fine, little things like sitting them at the table to eat whilst you go and pop the bath onto run will make a world of difference.

Get DH to bath kids while you cook dinner. Or relatives to join in bath tine when they come to see kids.

Leaving them smelly is disgusting.

Then a quick shower, you have to find time to care for them.

OP, there's also no harm in sending in clean knickers for your 6yo. When mine both started school I worried about accidents, especially ds1 who would regularly have soggy pants but his trousers appeared dry. I think he'd realise he needed to go once he'd started but then stopped himself so he could get to the toilet.

I popped a carrier bag with a few pairs of clean knickers and socks in their Pe bags and another empty carrier bag or nappy sack for the wet ones to go into. The teacher was very good at allowing him to excuse himself and change his pants. Socks if needed if he'd dribbled down his leg.

All that was done quite discretely and the bag of wet underwear was put in his school bag to bring home. Though in a mixed reception/year 1 class most of the kids had accidents so didn't bat an eye lid.

Have a good day, OP.

Mumsnet is great with advice when you ask for help. Ignore the judgement. You weren't brought up like that then it's not your normal to do it. You asked for help and now have a good plan.