To not find time to bath my children?

[Poppybella2015]

Ok they do get a bath on a Sunday morning with bubbles and a hair wash, like I did as a child. The house also gets cleaned on a Sunday. But then life takes over.

Weekdays after school are a combination of clubs (2 a week) friends over, relatives popping round to see the kids, by the time we have had dinner I think oh my god the kids need to go to bed or it will be too late for them! (They currently sleep 8-7 and I have to wake them on a school day they are two and six) the toddler smells a bit cheesy by about Tuesday, the older one could do with another bath as she sometimes wees her pants at school and then sits in them :( my house turns into a tip in the week too as I always get invited to see a relative/go to a toddler group etc and then when toddler naps I flake out in exhaustion as I have an on going sinus infection and toddler wakes me a couple of times a night.

I really want to have a nice clean home, nice clean kids, be in a nice relaxed routine but life just seems to get in the way and make everything rushed.

I'm sure most people are hectic in the week and those that are not how do you do it? Should I be refusing play dates etc? Ignore relatives when they come round and bath the kids instead? Just tell people I'm busy but risk loosing friends??

Help!!

We were only bathed/hairwashed once a week as children as well, as we had an old stove-fired boiler and we had to save up to run it - everyone bathed the same night.

My babies were bathed every night because of their nappies - in fact, to start with, they were dunked in a tub of water every nappy change because it was definitely the best way to get them clean - once DS1 was out of nappies (DS2 still isn't), then the baths were cut down. He loathes the shower, but has a bath usually about twice a week, with a hose down after swimming to get rid of the chlorine. He's just 8. I still only wash his hair with shampoo once a week, and then head lice check him as well. Once he gets older, it's gong to have to increase in frequency, but for now, it's fine. DS2 still has a nightly bath, and gets hosed in between - also loathes the shower. But now he's stopped smearing food in his hair, his hair only gets properly washed once a week too, same as DS1. If he does get food or other stuff in it, then it gets washed then too, of course.

Neither of them smell.

That's a good point.
In reception we were sled to provide a small bag with extra clothes and pants in case of accidents.
Some children seemed to use them a lot but some of them were only just 4
Could you do that, op?

Just RTFT. Good luck OP with the new routine! Just make one, small, achievable change at a time!

Or give them a bath/ shower when they get in from school. Thats what i do sometimes

Poppy, you sound like a very loving mum who is having a bit of a struggle. I really have nothing to add other than a hand to hold. You have not mentioned it but I'm guessing all the other basic needs of your children are being sorted in terms of teeth brushing daily and fresh knickers each day. Please don't be offended, I work with parents who like you have mentioned in a post, were not given proper life skills. These skills can be taught and with effort soon become habit.

I agree that the advice not to bath every day because of excema is different to that which I was given. My eldest had horrific, think bring admitted as it was that bad, excema. The advice given was to bath twice a day, pat dry and then cover in a combination of aqueous and emulsifying ointment which was mixed together. This worked wonders, although I only did once a day and totally kept the excema at bay

Glad to hear you have a plan. Always hose down your eldest in the shower if she's had an accident at school, we do this with our toddler if he has an accident during the day and it really doesn't take long to do.

Baths do take longer IMHO and we have kids who have thick straight hair that needs to be dried before bed (we keep the DDs' hair in bobs so it doesn't take too long to dry, they are allowed to grow it when they can wash, brush and dry it themselves) so I do have sympathy with how long it takes but DH and I manage despite both working, I try and avoid play dates and don't have relatives 'popping round' all the time though. The DDs do have various activities after school though (football night is a definite bath night here, they are caked in mud when they get home!).

We wash the kids on Sunday night, twice during the week then they go swimming on Saturday. DS has eczema so we don't use any bubble bath or soap on him (we put emollient in the bath for him once the DDs are out), the DDs get shampoo in their hair but that seems to be sufficient to keep them sweet smelling.

Is one of the clubs swimming?
I take shower gel / shampoo for the kids after their swimming lessons as that counts too.

You don't have to bath them nightly, but OP is not managing twice a week, despite noticing they smell, and the fact that the older one sometimes has wetting accidents, so whether it's ok to not do it every night isn't really the issue.

Definitely at least make a mid week bath and hair wash a priority over other things. We don't have clubs etc yet so do manage a nightly bath, we don't insist on it though if they are especially tired or whatever. However we don't leave off a bath if we have grandparents round etc, we just take them up as usual, the kids and their routine carries on whatever else happens.

Seriously the amount of time you spent typing this post, and no doubt reading MN every day you could spending keeping your children clean. There is NO EXCUSE at all, it takes ten minutes ffs to back 2 children in a few inches of water, straight in PJs straight to bed.

Great posts, u2.

Yabu - prioritise the cleanliness of your children over socialising with relatives and play dates. If you can smell your toddler, and your eldest is sitting in urine soaked clothing imagine how they must be feeling ? Let alone others smelling them (which will then have an impact on what people think about the standard of your care of your children).

If you don't change this can you imagine how other children / teachers will react to them when they are older ? And you're basically bringing them up to think that being his unclean and smelling is normal - it's not.

WELL DONE FOR REALISING YABU AND GETTING A PLAN INTO PLACE OP hundreds of messages ago

I haven't read the whole thread and I am sure there are a lot of varying opinions, but both of my children were/are bathed every day. My eldest is now 17 and sorts herself out obviously, but my youngest is 4 and a boy and is utterly filthy by the end of the day so I very rarely miss a bath in the evening. He also has to have a clean school uniform every day as he is a total mud magnet. I clearly remember a little boy at my junior school who smelled awful and knew he smelled awful and that has stuck in my mind.

To be fair, I am a SAHM and I only have to do this with one child so it really isn't too much of a chore. What about a bath say every couple of days and a stand up wash on the others? It may be time to reconsider your routine, and maybe tell relatives that you need to get the kids ready for bed at X time for example. There are only so many hours in the day and personal hygiene is so very important and should be taught early and maintained IMO. I do accept that you've got a challenge ahead with it but you sound like a great Mum and perhaps need a bit more support, is DH about (sorry if I have missed that).

In terms of the house, I do a massive clean once a week which I should be doing now and then maintenance through the week, keeping loos clean etc. I make sure the kitchen is done and clean and hoover downstairs every evening and mop the floor (wood throughout) so it doesn't look like a car crash in the morning. For me, it's been getting into a routine and it's worked (I am also a lone parent). It's a matter of finding what works for you!

Elsa . THAT is why I should have read the whole thread!!

OP - good for you. Once you've blocked it out in your diary it will be easier. I would go for the same routine every day.

You sound to be struggling op I think you getting an unnecessarily hard time you have been honest and I guess you trying too hard to please everyone

I think you know they need more baths that one a week, every other day bath/shower is fine unless they get dirty and a wash in the morning. It's just how to go about it.

Could writing a timetable help? It can be helpful when feeling overwhelmed and stops faffing which can waste lots of time (queen faffer myself). Cooking extra and freezing food, allowing visitors to get on with it themselves and send them packing at 7 (or earlier). Try and create less chaos it's not easy if that is your way but it can be done

Oops sorry skipped a page didn't notice you already making a plan

Best of luck

If you take the kids up to the bathroom and start the bath running while they brush their teeth, it will be all full by the time they've done that.

Then clothes off, into the bath and wash. While they're in the bath, get towels at the ready for their exit. Once they're out and towels are on, pyjamas out on the bed. Then while they're getting these on, close the curtains and bedside lights on and book out. Story and sleep. Your kids come first and visitors come second.

Get the bath teeth bed routine started at same time each day - 7pm? Set an alarm if need be.

Kids dinner - 6pm, play till 7pm, then routine starts.
While you (or dh) is doing teeth bath bed routine, the other is entertaining any guests and starting your meal?
Then you can eat at 7:30.

As for your own washing - 10 mins shower in morning before kids get up.

OP, just picked up this thread....
I have teenagers now and I remember feeling overwhelmed when I found myself the mother of two. I didn't know if I was coming and going. And the pressure to do all those playdates! Honestly, don't feel you have to play the same game. Lots of those mums may have help (cleaners, aupairs) etc or a slightly older number 2, which makes a difference.

The best advice I had from someone when I was struggling was that all machines (washing machines, dryer, dishwasher) all had to be switched on at the same time each day (I was feeling overwhelmed with washing). And that made a big difference. The dishwasher went on after supper every day at 6 and we went upstairs to do bathtime and PJs, ready for bed at 7. Then I came downstairs and by 7.30 I could unload the dishwasher. At 7.15 the washing machine went on (brought all the dirty clothes downstairs after bedtime) and I would unload and hang things up before I went to bed and then sorted in the morning.

Regarding playdates do not feel you have to do these. Or if you do then set yourself rules. EG - Thursday afternoons once a fortnight is playdate night when eldest has a friend round. She might get invited out on other days and that's fine, but keep alternate Thursdays (or Tuesdays or whatever) free for friends to come round to yours.

TBH by the time my eldest got to about 8 I stopped doing playdates and sleepovers during term time, even at the weekend. We caught up with friends in the holidays. It didn't hamper any friendships. Good luck! It does get easier. But it helps to be strict and set yourself rules

Our DDs have had a bath every night at bedtime from the day they were born. I always found giving them a quick bath (only a few inches deep and just a few bubbles) was actually much quicker, simpler and more effective than faffing about with flannels, basins of warm water, soap etc.

While the bath was running I would get our DDs undressed. Plop them in the bath, splish splash splosh. Lift them out, quick rub with clean towel, then pop them into clean nappy and clean PJs. Job done.

Genuinely it took less than 15 mins from start to finish. And I'm actually rather lazy and dislike stress, so it was lovely never having to worry about whether our DDs smelled or if they might look grubby.

Having DCs that were always clean looking and fresh smelling was always a priority for me. Other parents prioritise watching a bit more TV, or having another glass of wine over ensuring their DCs are properly clean and fresh.

Having DCs that were always clean looking and fresh smelling was always a priority for me. Other parents prioritise watching a bit more TV, or having another glass of wine over ensuring their DCs are properly clean and fresh.

Well that was snide I assume you have some sort of genetic defect that means you and your kids reek to require that much bathing to ensure you smell nice

I don't think a bath every day indicates a genetic defect that means a person "reeks". How rude.