to loathe the phrase "You have too much time on your hands."?

[CherryBlossom321]

I've been on the receiving end of this insult a few times recently and I find it really rude.

I have the same 24 hours of time on my hands as everybody else. If I happen to manage it well, enjoy being creative, and prioritize what is best for my family and myself, it doesn't mean I somehow managed to pluck more hours out of thin air than anybody else. I'm organised, not privileged with extra time.

Like many other parents, I have 2 energetic children (1 not yet at school), run the household (all house work, budget, anything organisational) due to DH's long hours and erratic shifts (he's great when he's home), and volunteer for several organisations. And yet, if I share with people anything I've enjoyed on the creative or self care front, I'm told I "have too much time on my hands".

My feeling is that it's a statement designed to shame and ridicule people but I cannot fathom the motive. It's on a similar level to the old classic, "I'm not being funny/racist/mean but..." and proceed to be just that. Just without the disclaimer. It's usually excused with "I'm only teasing/ winky face/ I didn't mean anything by it." Erm, well, perhaps say what you mean and mean what you say then.

Does anyone else have experience of this and how do you respond? In reply to the most recent, I just said, "I was probably working on that whilst you were doing your [insert crafting hobby]."

AIBU?

I also don't think it's always from jealousy sometimes it's to justify others choices.

I have comments like this from my sister all the time. It almost feels like she has to put down anything I do to make her feel better.

Don't get me wrong she is also busy and has lots of hobbies. The issue is we have different interests what she spends her time doing doesn't overly interest me but I don't comment where as what I do she isn't interested in she feels the need to belittle me about or criticise me.

It has got to the point I don't tell her stuff anymore as I can't be doing with it.

YANBU. It makes you feel guilty about how you spend your time and it's really up go you hoe you spend it.

I guess I'd also say that yes these kinds of comments probably do come from jealousy - but it's because being time-rich is absolutely something that is worthy of being jealous of and something that many people lack. No, no one should be making snarky comments. But at the same time, if you have time to do crafts and what-not, that is a privilege, and if someone is jealous of it that's probably because it's a privilege they lack. So it's probably not worth being resentful of them. I guess it's more obvious if you think about in terms of money rather than time - of course it's wrong to make sarcastic remarks about the way someone richer than you spends their money, but at the same time there is definitely an onus on the richer person to be sensitive about the way they act around people with less money. I'd say that exactly the same thing applies to time-rich people. Saying (or even thinking) that you're just more organised than most is a bit off imo - I wrote a book during my maternity leave, the fact that I'm not writing now that I'm back at work doesn't mean that I am lazy or badly organised, just that there are not enough free hours in the day.

Jello, that's a really balanced response, thank you. It does offer food for thought.

However; to reiterate, I didn't say I'm MORE organised or better at anything. Rather that I am an organised person and I manage my time well. In explanation of why I believe I get a fair amount done. On here. Not in real life when people have said it. I've rarely had any response in reality other than to walk away from the interaction feeling put down.

That's not to infer that I think others are disorganised or lazy. Same as if someone told me they have a talent for cooking, which is also a skill, I wouldn't assume they were inferring that I was a rubbish cook. Does that make sense?

Full time workers in fact, are generally more organised than me I would expect. I guess I feel that my voluntary contributions are worthwhile too.