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AIBU?

to loathe the phrase "You have too much time on your hands."?

104 replies

CherryBlossom321 · 08/01/2016 18:21

I've been on the receiving end of this insult a few times recently and I find it really rude.

I have the same 24 hours of time on my hands as everybody else. If I happen to manage it well, enjoy being creative, and prioritize what is best for my family and myself, it doesn't mean I somehow managed to pluck more hours out of thin air than anybody else. I'm organised, not privileged with extra time.

Like many other parents, I have 2 energetic children (1 not yet at school), run the household (all house work, budget, anything organisational) due to DH's long hours and erratic shifts (he's great when he's home), and volunteer for several organisations. And yet, if I share with people anything I've enjoyed on the creative or self care front, I'm told I "have too much time on my hands".

My feeling is that it's a statement designed to shame and ridicule people but I cannot fathom the motive. It's on a similar level to the old classic, "I'm not being funny/racist/mean but..." and proceed to be just that. Just without the disclaimer. It's usually excused with "I'm only teasing/ winky face/ I didn't mean anything by it." Erm, well, perhaps say what you mean and mean what you say then.

Does anyone else have experience of this and how do you respond? In reply to the most recent, I just said, "I was probably working on that whilst you were doing your [insert crafting hobby]."

AIBU?

OP posts:

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Hihohoho1 · 08/01/2016 20:03

But why are people saying this to you in the first place?

I mean how do they know what you do all day?

Why tell people?

CherryBlossom321 · 08/01/2016 20:08

Eva www.mumsnet.com/emo/te/2.gif.pagespeed.ce.pqlGYGVWqX.gif

Hi, no one knows what I do ALL day. As previously stated, it's been said in conversation, eg; What have you been up to this morning? Or when someone pops round and notices something.

OP posts:

SitsOnFence · 08/01/2016 20:15

I agree OP! I'm not a great fan of watching TV, so whilst DH relaxes in front of the TV, I tend to MN read or work on various craft projects.

I spent some very enjoyable time last year redecorating the DC's playhouse and making furniture/soft furnishings etc. I haven't "showed it off" to anyone, but have had some similar comments from family and friends who've looked out of the windows, seen it in the garden and asked to look inside. It's just so rude! I work 30hrs/week and do the majority of the childcare plus at least half the housework/DIY; this is my hobby. I wouldn't tell someone they obviously have too much time on their hands if they talk to me about something that's happened on a TV show, so why do it to me?

jellyfrizz · 08/01/2016 20:19

Cherry, you are obviously proud of your daily achievements. Don't let the buggers get you down.

lazyarse123 · 08/01/2016 20:23

BRILLIANT LOL

Fratelli · 08/01/2016 20:26

Well it's not a joke, just said in a lighthearted way that's all. I don't know anyone who would be so offended by it.

lazyarse123 · 08/01/2016 20:27

sorry [BRILLIANT} was for Evabeaversprotege, i am new to this technology lark.

Ellybellyboo · 08/01/2016 20:30

I don't show off, but people ask, or they'll come round to my house and see stuff I've made/in the progress of making/see my knitting on the arm of the chair, and there's always someone who will tell me I've got too much time on my hands and then in the next breath ask if I'll mend something for them or knock up their DD some bunting

'You've got too much time on your hands' I'd say that to someone sarcastically. I'd say it if they were doing something I found particularly boring that I wouldn't waste my time doing tbh.

But why would you need to be sarcastic about someone else's hobby? You're not interested/not your cup of tea, that's up to you, no need to be rude about it. One mans meat is another mans poison and all that.

ethelb · 08/01/2016 20:41

Its really rude. Its one of my mother's preferred martyrish put downs. I remember cringing when she said it to sahm of friends when I was a child.

StellaAlpina · 08/01/2016 20:51

I think it's rude too. I don't know why people have to be so sneery of people who have different hobbies/interests/lifestyles.

I irrationally dislike the phrase 'life's too short to stuff a mushroom'...it makes me think but what if i want to stuff a mushroom!?

ethelb · 08/01/2016 20:51

Op, just had a thought, are you Cherry Menlove?

Sazzle41 · 08/01/2016 21:04

The phrase has two uses to me, one is a put down, I was told having a tidy work desk meant I had too much time on my hands: By the untidy, disorganised team member who was famous for losing stuff and resented my boss going to me for it instead. Two, in a jokey way by friends pulling your leg re little quirky stuff you do that they wouldn't.

CherryBlossom321 · 08/01/2016 21:13

No ethel, but I do read her blog (possibly another truth which will qualify me as having too much time!) 😉

OP posts:

SpendSpendSpend · 08/01/2016 21:17

I get this alot as im a sahm with one child who goes to nursery 3 full days aweek.

I have ...

A house cleaner
A mobile car valet every 2 months or so
A window cleaner
A bin cleaner
A child in nursery

I get all the snide remarks all the fucking time.

Its pure jealousy.

You have more money than sense. You have too much money. You have a life of riley. You have too much time on your hands. You like spending money, dont you?

They are all the things that have been said to me very regularly for the past 5 years.

It does get you really down. I ve stopped inviting people round so they cant see anything new i have bought etc

I hate having to justify spending anything on dd as people have decided that she apparently has too much!

In fact its making me feel quite sad writing all this down

StealthPolarBear · 08/01/2016 21:20

Presumably from people who choose to spend their money on other things!
I was a bit irritated when I asked where I could buy something to be told "make them yourself, they're dead cheap to make"
Assumption being that everyone likes crafty stuff and everyone wants to save money.
I do a public sector job. I'm passionate about my job and so extra hours. Get told I'm stupid - by people who do their job and then volunteer on top. Give my job benefits other people who shouldn't I give some time to it voluntarily?

ThursdayLastWeek · 08/01/2016 21:21

Yes I think it's a bit of a daft insensitive thing to say too.

I get people saying it to me because I run. But I make time to run. Because I like it.

MorrisZapp · 08/01/2016 21:22

You sound like my sil, she does all manner of crafts and projects despite having small children and a job. I am in awe, but I do take the mickey just as she slags me off for watching telly and eating beige oven food.

We're just different. I don't think it's rude, sounds like lighthearted chat to me.

ThursdayLastWeek · 08/01/2016 21:23

Yes Morris there's definitely an undertone that can make it either gentle ribbing or undermining mockery I think.

SirChenjin · 08/01/2016 21:23

Change your friends if you feel that they aren't simply making a lighthearted comment but are really out to put you down and denigrate you.

BackforGood · 08/01/2016 21:25

YAB over sensitive and touchy.

It's a throwaway comment - yes, usually when someone has spent time going on about their hobby or their 'achievements' which really aren't that interesting to anyone else.

CherryBlossom321 · 08/01/2016 21:27

Oh Spend, it's awful when people are so unpleasant you struggle to be around them. Do you have other people around you who don't behave like that?

OP posts:

museumum · 08/01/2016 21:29

I have a friend who arranges everything by alphabet and takes great joy in spreadsheets of her shoes or whatnot. I often tell her she has "too much time on her hands". It's banter. She doesn't have loads of time she's a working mum to two kids in a great career.
It's a phrase that can be banter or it can be cutting. If you don't know which way your friends mean it then you need to think more broadly about whether they're friends or bitches.

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SpendSpendSpend · 08/01/2016 21:29

Stealth

Your spot on regarding the comment

"Make it yourself etc"

The amount of people that say do it yourself etc is unbelievable.

Or say for example you buy something for £500 and then someone will say to you

" I could of got that for £50"

That is my bil all over

SpendSpendSpend · 08/01/2016 21:32

Its family that come out with all the snide comments.

The only person who doesnt is my dh

CherryBlossom321 · 08/01/2016 21:34

Sazzle, I'm hoping it's the latter. My friends are generally encouraging, kind and fun to be around. What I'm thinking might be the case having considered all the replies is that in the past I've experienced the mean spirited use of the phrase and now maybe I still interpret it that way despite it not being the case. It's been really helpful reading all the different perspectives. Thanks all.

OP posts:

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