to loathe the phrase "You have too much time on your hands."?

[CherryBlossom321]

I've been on the receiving end of this insult a few times recently and I find it really rude.

I have the same 24 hours of time on my hands as everybody else. If I happen to manage it well, enjoy being creative, and prioritize what is best for my family and myself, it doesn't mean I somehow managed to pluck more hours out of thin air than anybody else. I'm organised, not privileged with extra time.

Like many other parents, I have 2 energetic children (1 not yet at school), run the household (all house work, budget, anything organisational) due to DH's long hours and erratic shifts (he's great when he's home), and volunteer for several organisations. And yet, if I share with people anything I've enjoyed on the creative or self care front, I'm told I "have too much time on my hands".

My feeling is that it's a statement designed to shame and ridicule people but I cannot fathom the motive. It's on a similar level to the old classic, "I'm not being funny/racist/mean but..." and proceed to be just that. Just without the disclaimer. It's usually excused with "I'm only teasing/ winky face/ I didn't mean anything by it." Erm, well, perhaps say what you mean and mean what you say then.

Does anyone else have experience of this and how do you respond? In reply to the most recent, I just said, "I was probably working on that whilst you were doing your [insert crafting hobby]."

AIBU?

[CherryBlossom321]

Jello, that's a really balanced response, thank you. It does offer food for thought.

However; to reiterate, I didn't say I'm MORE organised or better at anything. Rather that I am an organised person and I manage my time well. In explanation of why I believe I get a fair amount done. On here. Not in real life when people have said it. I've rarely had any response in reality other than to walk away from the interaction feeling put down.

That's not to infer that I think others are disorganised or lazy. Same as if someone told me they have a talent for cooking, which is also a skill, I wouldn't assume they were inferring that I was a rubbish cook. Does that make sense?

Full time workers in fact, are generally more organised than me I would expect. I guess I feel that my voluntary contributions are worthwhile too.

[theycallmemellojello]

I guess I'd also say that yes these kinds of comments probably do come from jealousy - but it's because being time-rich is absolutely something that is worthy of being jealous of and something that many people lack. No, no one should be making snarky comments. But at the same time, if you have time to do crafts and what-not, that is a privilege, and if someone is jealous of it that's probably because it's a privilege they lack. So it's probably not worth being resentful of them. I guess it's more obvious if you think about in terms of money rather than time - of course it's wrong to make sarcastic remarks about the way someone richer than you spends their money, but at the same time there is definitely an onus on the richer person to be sensitive about the way they act around people with less money. I'd say that exactly the same thing applies to time-rich people. Saying (or even thinking) that you're just more organised than most is a bit off imo - I wrote a book during my maternity leave, the fact that I'm not writing now that I'm back at work doesn't mean that I am lazy or badly organised, just that there are not enough free hours in the day.

[Theydontknowweknowtheyknow]

YANBU. It makes you feel guilty about how you spend your time and it's really up go you hoe you spend it.

[Noodledoodledoo]

I also don't think it's always from jealousy sometimes it's to justify others choices.

I have comments like this from my sister all the time. It almost feels like she has to put down anything I do to make her feel better.

Don't get me wrong she is also busy and has lots of hobbies. The issue is we have different interests what she spends her time doing doesn't overly interest me but I don't comment where as what I do she isn't interested in she feels the need to belittle me about or criticise me.

It has got to the point I don't tell her stuff anymore as I can't be doing with it.

[mrwalkensir]

also people over-estimate the time some stuff takes. Used to get a lot of " I wish I had the time to paint my toenails" comments. Hard to explain I did it in the middle of the bathroom cleaning - circa 15 seconds to clip my nails, then another 15 to slap one coat on. Clean loo and sink....then another 15 seconds for 2nd coat. Think they assumed it was a leisurely 30 minute thing?

[leccybill]

I recently gave up full-time teaching which was a massive relief. I now do evening tutoring, mornings in a school and a bit of supply as and when I choose, much better compared to the 60 hour weeks I was doing for the past 12 years.
I'm thrilled about all this to be honest. I've shared a few pics of some of the fun stuff I've had time to do with DD, baking, after school trips to the park, projects etc, plus I've done a Couch to 5k, to which many of my ex-colleagues have remarked that I've got too much time on my hands.
I do think it's a bit of jealousy on their parts if I'm honest.

[theycallmemellojello]

I get what you're saying op, but at the same time as a working parent, I'd be highly annoyed if a sahm told me they had time for crafts because they were better organised than me.

[Bellyrub1980]

For = Or

[Bellyrub1980]

TooSassy, serious question, how did you manage all those things? I'm P/T with 1 kid and feel accomplished if I wash my hair and put make-up on in the same day.

My daughter screams if I do anything other than 'boo' games for chase her around, or pretend to jump when she blows her trumpet.

[snowfallisbeautiful]

Elly that's horrible of your friend but lovely of you to be making a blanket for your granny

[TooSassy]

I love how many people attribute this to jealousy. I don't believe it's down to jealousy.

When my DC's were younger I worked PT.
I Decorated the house. Made curtains. Baked. Cooked. Made the BEST birthday cakes. Gardening. Went grocery shopping in person. The whole shebang. My friends told me the exact same thing.

1. it was banter
   
2. they were right
   
   I now work full time (and travel with work). I just about cook. Everything else is outsourced.
   
   So when you make the comments regarding you have the same 24 hours as everyone else, and others are spending 12+ hours a day working/ commuting, strictly speaking we don't actually have the same level of free time as you.
   
   (And I'm not jealous of anyone who does have the time to do what makes them happy. I love that we all have these choices to make in our lives! Vive le difference)

[Ellybellyboo]

People ask what you have been upto, and don't like the answer.

Yes! Why ask if you're not interested?

I don't bang on about stuff. I belong to a craft group, I can witter on to my hearts content there, but if people ask am I supposed to lie? If someone comes to my house am I supposed to hide everything in case they find it boring?

Last night DD had a friend over. Her mum came in and saw my knitting on the arm of the sofa, she asked about it, I answered - my grandmother has recently started to use a wheelchair when she's out and about, so I'm making her a blanket as she gets a bit cold. She responded that I had too much time on my hands.

I know she's not interested in craft, but really, why bloody ask? The whole conversation took less than a minute

[Asskicker]

This is the problem, imo.

People ask what you have been upto, and don't like the answer.

Either because it's boring to them or makes them feel inadequate.

And they snipe back. If you ask a question why get annoyed at the answer. My sil loves baking, I am not interested in baking. I wouldn't dream of making a nasty comment when she talks about the Victoria sponge she made for WI.

It's seems weird to me, to do be mean to people for doing something different.

[CherryBlossom321]

Why achievements in inverted commas Throwing? I don't necessarily view baking a cake as an achievement. I'm not sure what the answer is really; when people ask what you've been up to, is it not standard to respond factually and truthfully? Or are we meant to lie? If someone sees and comments on something I've done, do I hide it from view and deny it ever existed? Lots of people do things that I would personally find boring, but it doesn't stop me taking a polite interest and encouraging them.

[Throwingshade]

Honestly OP if you're heard it a 'few times' then you are boring people to death with your 'achievements' or you are coming across smug.

[CherryBlossom321]

Lurked, reading back I can see how my post could be interpreted that way, although I didn't say 'more organised' and 'manage my time better', simply that I am organised and manage my time well. But I've never responded to the statement in person pointing that out. However I do take your point. I've had it said by full time workers and sahp's. They just use their time differently.

[Writerwannabe83]

honey

"Can your mum start a thread about the sugar theirs on here? That would be Mumsnet gold."

Hahahaha. She's not very computer savvy but I will keep you updated on the daily dramas!!

I'm ashamed to say that she phoned me earlier and I didn't answer because I just can't bear to listen to any more sugar stories

[Lurkedforever1]

Actually op, while you might not mean it that way, if you come across in real life as your op did, I can kind of see some people getting a bit narked.

Saying you are just more organised and manage your time better would come across a bit smug if you say that to someone who has all the same household duties and responsibilities as you, but less time to do them in cos of ft work or similar extra demands on their time. Apologies though if you don't phrase it that way in rl, or you're only saying it to people who are in the same situation as you and therefore could in theory use their time better.

[Aussiemum78]

That phrase is something I'd think when i was working full time and studying as a single mum, and heard someone significantly less busy complain that they were so busy because insert most pointless activity just had to be done or the universe would implode.

• pointless activities may include ironing pillowcases etc.

[HoneyDragon]

Can your mum start a thread about the sugar theirs on here? That would be Mumsnet gold.

[FlatOnTheHill]

Writer
Im going to try and find a job like that.

[DyslexicScientist]

Even without al I had 5 days for a holiday. If I wanted longer I'd take al or just do a 4or 5 day week the week before.

[CherryBlossom321]

Writer, completely agree with you in that context.

[CherryBlossom321]

Stop asking then Peridot, if she bores you so much.

[Writerwannabe83]

dyslexis - you should let us know what job you have! I would love to find a job where despite only working three days a week I still had an annual leave allowance that allowed me to take time off each month for a holiday, lol.