Do you know anyone who has never had a partner?

[pimpyourprosecco]

A thread in relationships made me think of this (the person in question was very young) but do you know anyone who's a bit on in years who has never been in a relationship?

Would it put you off being with them?

I agree with the observation about unmarried women, I was "that" spinster, maiden great aunt (wasn't really maiden in the biblical sense). It enraged me that I could be called that but a man in his 40's can be called a confirmed batchelor which has a totally different feel to it.

A great uncle of mine had his first relationship in his 60s. It turned out he was gay (in a culture where this was not well tolerated) and didn't want to upset his parents, so waited until they'd died. Relationship made him very happy but then his partner died and he's been single ever since. It makes me sad that he felt he had to stay single for all those years .

The fact that there's a word to describe female relations who haven't married says a lot about traditional expectations. Maiden aunts, spinsters.

I don't think there's a male equivalent.

Well, there's 'confirmed bachelor', although I agree that single women are more often seen as objects of pity than single men are.

I've just remembered I have two step-cousins as well, both of whom have never had a relationship. The female one has two DC via sperm donor, but she's never had a boyfriend and, for all I know, is a virgin. She's very shy and quiet, bookish, and rather serious. She's one of those people who you find yourself gabbling at just to fill the silences, because she doesn't talk much!

Her brother, who I don't know at all well, seems very into sports (all his FB posts are about how his team is doing ), is quite overweight and shy and I've never heard that he's had a gf/bf or anything else. She's 41 and he's 38.

I think there have always been plenty of people out there who haven't been coupled up. This thread shows that of most us know at least one person and in the past many people who were 'in service' never married. In the last century there were so many men killed in war that there weren't enough to go around so many women had no choice but to remain single.

I think too that its finally becoming more acceptable to make the choice to be alone and to live alone. Many people in the past married because of their family/society's expectations, but now they can remain single if they wish.

"Confirmed bachelor", Ego :) Often used as a pseudonym for gay, but still has its original meaning of permanently single man.

X-posted!

I think it's becoming less unusual. The 'contract' used to be that, if a woman wanted to have kids, she'd have to marry a man who would keep her. Women who opted out of the deal had very few alternatives.

It's not been necessary to marry for over 50 years now, but social habits change slowly. While I was in my thirties, my single friends and I used to have imaginary boyfriends because it made things easier for our work colleagues, family members and so on!

I work with a woman whose never had a boyfriend. She claims she leads a happy life. I don't doubt her and as I know her well enough I can imagine she'd be very difficult to live with.

Another woman whose in her 50's has always been single and sadly very much dominated by her overbearing Mother.

Me.

38. Attractive (I'm told), educated, good fun, confident, independent, realistic expectations of a relationship etc.

It's just never happened for me. I've dated a few people for a few weeks at a time, had quite a few friends with benefits arrangements too but never lived with anyone or even close to having someone I could describe as a partner. Never had a relationship serious enough to introduce him to friends or family even.

It didn't used to bother me but now I feel desperately sad that no-one has ever loved me in that way. That no-one has ever been IN love with me.

And no, you never know what's around the corner but when people have been saying that to you for 20 years it's difficult to have hope that anything is round the corner!.

I was going to post exactly this. A very loaded phrase and not value free at all.

I have a school friend who is 31 and has never been in relationship, aside from one short non-sexual one which lasted about 6 weeks when she was 25ish. She is very keen to find a partner but she has always looked and acted older than she is, which I think makes it harder for her to meet someone she has much in common with. She is highly intelligent and has studied for most of her adult life, but she also struggles with low-self esteem, her weight (she has been every size from 8 to 28 in the last 10 years) and negative patterns of thinking.

I think she'd be well-suited to an older, intelligent, introverted, even grumpy man (she's feisty and loves to argue!) - she'd make a great stepmother to older kids too, I think.

I have a friend who's 41 now (haven't seen her for a few years, but we keep in touch) and has never had a partner. I think she just never met anyone and is very quiet and anxious in social situations.

This thread is making me feel sad. I'm 25, never had any relationship, still a virgin. I'm agoraphobic and have spent all of my teens and 20's housebound. I'm quite suspicious of men because I don't know of any decent ones. I desparately want children and due to gynae issues I need to have them sooner rather than later (If i can). I have thought if I want children I'll either have to settle for anyone that would want to be with me or go the sperm donor route. In an ideal world i'd meet a lovely understanding, kind man who would want to be with me and marry me, be my best friend. But that sort of thing only happens to other people.

'Erm, some women in my circle appear never to have had relationships but they are both long-term OWs.'

I'm sure plenty of people are but I was single for aaaaaaages and a friend of mine got it into her head there was no way I could possibly be single and must therefore be an OW. She decided to tell me this at a wedding. In front of a huge group of people.

I was unimpressed.

I know at least three. I don't know if they're looking for relationships. When I was single, it wouldn't have put me off - quite the contrary. I used to like a nice shy lad.

Me. I'm 28 and have never dated. It doesn't really bother me - I'm very geeky and introverted and don't go out socially much so don't have much opportunity to meet people. I was brought up to have very conservative religious opinions about relationships and while I no longer hold those opinions, I still wouldn't be comfortable with a very casual relationship. It's ironic that the perfect guy for me is probably sitting in his house surfing the internet and playing video games, also too shy to socialize.

It's possible that I'm asexual. I feel like I'm missing out on companionship and the possibility of having children of my own more than anything else. It upset me when I was a bit younger but I've made peace with the idea of being the spinster aunt!

Me. I'm 37.

I'm married, but if I wasn't I'm ashamed to admit that I wouldn't have a clue where to go/what do to to meet someone to go on a date with ( apart from online dating). Please tell me*. I'm really clueless.

*I'm happily married, just want to know what everyone else already knows.

That was weird of her, Mitzy. I assume she was pissed? No, I'm not imagining my friends' arrangements. One of them has been having an affair with the same man for 25 years. We all used to be really close; this is the reason I pulled away from them.

Yes she was pissed! One of those people who has a couple of sherries twice a year and turns into a complete pain in the ass!

I feel sad for anyone who's wasted 25 years of their life on an affair with a married person.

Mitzy!

Yeah, I sometimes think the pleasure she gets from it is more that she's pulling a fast one than the affair itself.

My sil aged 36 never had a partner or even a date....

I can think of a couple of people, but no one that I know well

Friend of mine, who is gay, has had lots of dates and friends with benefits but never a committed relationship. He says he's too set in his ways now (nearly 50).

Another friend had his first relationship, in his late 40s, with someone who was a bit of a live wire. It didn't last long. He's lovely - if he'd got married when his mates did in their 20s he'd be a real family man now. Again he says he's just a bit set in his ways now. He just kind of missed the boat and tends to put women on a bit of a pedestal now that would be hard to live up to!

I know a few people who I really don't think should be in relationships!