Do you know anyone who has never had a partner?

[pimpyourprosecco]

A thread in relationships made me think of this (the person in question was very young) but do you know anyone who's a bit on in years who has never been in a relationship?

Would it put you off being with them?

My DBro is one, he's 25 and has only ever had the odd date. He's very shy though though and very busy (his first degree was computer science and he freely admits he fits the stereotyple, he's now a trainee paramedic and between studying/night shifts etc. I dont think he has any spare time to go out and meet people)

He's lovely though if anyone wants him, a good cook and handsome biased big sister

Yes, my best friend. He's long-term unemployed and lives at home with his parents. He's also gay, and seems to have no problem meeting men for short-term flings, but the no-job and parents thing is standing in his way, I think. I know it'll happen for him one day and he'll make an amazing boyfriend or husband because he's so lovely.

Me

41 - dated. Partly as I was ill in my late teens/ early twenties so missed out on learning to socialise - then focussed on career. I also think a key factor was I actually wasn't fussed about having children. Now I'm ready to settle but apparently am "too old" as simply haven't done things according to the rules. Weirdly I've known quite a few people - often career focussed in demanding jobs who have had relationships quite late.

Until I met him when he was just turned 40, my husband hadn't had a long term relationship. He had had plenty of 'shags' (his words) - he hadn't had relationship longer than a couple of weeks.

His story is a bit sad really. His father died just before he was due to go to uni so put off his place .... Indefinitely. Mum became mentally frail and he stayed at home to look after her. Older siblings moved away and got married. DH became stuck in a rut and ended up looking after his frail mum until she passed away when he was in his mid thirties.

He lived a classic bachelor life drinking and smoking himself into an oblivion.

Then he met me. I was twice divorced with two teenaged kids.

Eleven years later we have been married 7 years and totally fab for each other.

I sometimes rib him and call him Roy Cropper.... I try and imagine what he was like with his mum! But joking aside he really is a bloody lovely guy. Gentle and kind and patient. He has looked after me after some major gynae surgery - he isn't phased.

He is also a biker with, according to his mates, an ability to get very fighty if the need arises.

I haven't seen any of this!

So until I met him when he was 40, my husband hadn't had a partner!

A friend of my DM's. She was an artist and slightly eccentric, but not sure if that was because she was an artist, or because she lived alone. She was lovely, if rather set in her ways. She taught art and hated teaching. She was incredibly adventurous and headed off to southern China on a SAGA tour that was very strenuous and possibly somewhat dangerous and was also the first tour of this kind that SAGA did. She was 85 and had an absolute ball!

I work with a girl in her late 30s. She has a horrible, nasty personality. The type to take pleasure in other misfortunes. She is signed up to every online dating app there is, she goes on dates and nothing progresses. She constantly bemoans the fact that all the men are threatened by her success. I don't think her success is the barrier.

My auntie. She's 76, and I think it was more difficult to have casual relation ships in the past. Plus, she lived with my grandma until she passed away, caring for her as she slipped into dementia for years, and she's a pretty introverted person to boot.

She did have a "friend" who was a second rate crooner. She ran his fan club, and used to go on holidays with him even though he was married . No one really knows what that was all about, but he died relatively young and she was very sad.

A very old friend of me and dh. He's about 10 years older than us, so late middle aged now. He's a lovely bloke, never showed any interest in any romantic entanglements. Funnily enough his older sibling doesn't either.

A couple of relatives. One was my great uncle, he spent most of his life as a carer for his mother and committed suicide in his 70s. That was nothing to do with his personal life, although very sad. The other is a very eccentric relative, a mad scientist type who became very ill in her 30s and her parents moved in with her to help look after her. After they died, her health got much better and she decided she wanted a baby using a sperm donor. She's now got 3 children! She's obviously extremely busy as a single mother so no time to meet anyone, although I don't think she's that way inclined anyway.

I've also known a couple of women who have had partners but lost them fairly young (one died, the other they split up as her parents disapproved because he was black) and they've never had a partner again. They've been single about 40-50 years.

Interestingly, I can only think of 2 people under 50. They're both in their 20s so very young still, men who work in IT. I think they just don't get to meet women very much and are too shy to do online dating. It wouldn't put me off , no.

Loads of people:

• 2 friends in IT (male) who fit a fair bit of geek stereotyping. Both painfully shy with women, but probably come across to those who don't know them as rather robust / aloof.

• DM's friend. By all accounts beating them off with a stick as a young woman, but IMO would be very difficult to live with.

• School / uni friend. Outrageously camp and extremely religious (but I suspect even without the latter, he may be asexual as he did once confess when a bit sozzled that he really wasn't all that sure he 'fancied' anyway).

I'm sure I could come up with more if I thought about it.

I know a couple of men in their mid 40s who've never had a partner. Infact one of them has never been on a date afaik. One works in IT, another in admin.

I'm 30 and had one relationship in my early 20s, lasted under a year and never really serious. Just started something approaching a relationship with someone new...

I had pretty much given up on ever finding someone again but a friend convinced me to try online dating and I met someone lovely.

I've already commented but just to add....I was that person too for most of my life until 49. Am now engaged and marrying in May.

Loads of people. There are many reasons why someone may have never had a partner.

Yes. Lovely old school friend of mine, now in 40's. Diagnosed with a syndrome in her early 20's which doesn't affect her day to day, but could either make her infertile or else would be hereditary. Decided that it was safer not to have children, so decided she wouldn't bother with long term relationships and would just have fun! She has an amazing social life.

Another good friend, late 60's, hard upbringing without a mother around, think was very introverted when younger. Think he does regret it, but also has a good, happy, busy life.

Yes. Female friend, 46.

Oh, I do know of someone who had never had a proper relationship until he was 43. He is now 45, married, with two babies...

I just thought of another one,similar sort of age.

I can see how it might happen. It might have to me conceivably. Not terribly confident. But- also I do think there are people holding out for 'the one' who may need to lighten up a bit. No one is perfect and you have to be ready to make adjustments. IMO anyway.

I have quite a few friends who have never had a partner, male and female, all different reasons. One of them I strongly suspect is asexual. Another is a very promiscuous gay man who just doesn't seem to feel the need for companionship. A female friend has tried dating but never seems to find Mr Right and appears to have given up. Being very happily married myself, I do secretly wish my friends would find love like I have - but it's none of my business!

Further to a pp, I do think 'aspirational' standards can be a cover for other issues...

My cousin mid 30s, think she has had boyfriends but never introduced to family / serious it seems.

Ex-colleague nearly 40, lovely kind attractive and successful woman. She just doesn't seem to put her herself in the dating pool somehow, is Christian and I think that has something to do with it.

My younger DB.

He is 26, and as a teen had MH issues. He never learned the 'flirt, date, kiss, like, love' in his teens due to this. He's kind, loving but vulnerable. It means he gets too attached too quickly, and is invariably hurt after about a month.

He works, and has a super clean, tidy, organised flat, but he has nobody to share his nights with. He says a lot, that he wishes he had someone there with him to talk to and cook for, and share his sofa of a night.

It makes me sad.

I have quite a few friends aged 40-50 who have never had a relationship. All female.

One is painfully shy around men - so never gets into a situation of getting to know someone well.

One is up for dating but is possibly Aspergers - has difficulty maintaining social chit chat and will stand in the pub for hours without saying a word.

Another is lively, sociable and funny, but her body language around men is extrememly stand-offish. She doesn't know she does it and it's definitely not on purpose! But it stops people approaching her.

A lady at work seems to have decided it isn't for her (at 48) and has got a good church-based social life to keep her busy.

A friend of mine (bright, funny, attractive - a bit neurotic, by her own admission, but who isn't?) had never had a relationship by age 38 & despaired of ever finding someone. Then she finally met someone and while it didn't end up happy ever after (he was a bit of an arse) it got the ball rolling for her & she no longer had that feeling of being 'behind' everyone else & she's been dating more confidently since.