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Original poster

No idea why DP is having the snip today

108 replies

Notgrumpyjustquiet · 05/01/2016 12:45

He's been going on about it for years without action yet suddenly decided to actually go through with it and his appointment is today. He says he wants to do it as a gesture to me and so we don't have to worry about pregnancy any more. I've told him I can't see the point because we hardly ever have sex I'm 44 but he's become insistent. I've asked him straight out if he's about to leave me for a younger woman and he swears no he'd say that anyway though wouldn't he. I just can't see why he's doing it. I've tried not to labour the point and I've ended up saying that it's his choice as it's his body. Which it is.

I don't really know what my question is...

Am I being unreasonable to think he's putting himself through something completely unnecessary?

OP posts:
ProfGrammaticus · 05/01/2016 16:25

If he's having to pull out at the moment then it's likely he wants to be able to have a proper shag isn't it? And he's doing it today because he doesn't think he'll enjoy the process much, he's been putting it off, and now he's decided to get on with it.

Talk to him!

green18 · 05/01/2016 16:28

Good for him. You should be grateful. Some men won't take any responsibility for contraception. My dh had it 5 years ago. we are 44/45 now and it was the best thing for our sex lives ever!! It was good before but the lack of worry has made it even better. If you are doubting his motives it suggests to me that there are problems in your relationship.

LaContessaDiPlump · 05/01/2016 16:30

DH had the snip 2 years ago and we still only DTD once a month - usually less. He's tired, usually (we have 2 young DC) and I don't handle disappointment very well so just never ask because the rejection would really upset me.

Sorry op Sad

TeaFathers · 05/01/2016 16:35

pregnancy??
should read vasectomy
ffs.

Fairenuff · 05/01/2016 16:36

I don't understand your confusion OP. He's having it because he doesn't want a child. How long ago did he book the appointment. I don't think you can just decide one day and go and get it done, he must have thought about it, planned it and waited for his appointment.

green18 · 05/01/2016 16:42

Sometimes we don't do it every week, family life and work mean that's not always possible and that doesn't matter. But when we do it's great and to not have that worry was such a novelty at first. My dh used to use that method you referred to OP. It's so high risk and ruins it a bit for him. What tipped us over the edge to go for it was a contraception talk at a routine smear. I was 39 and said we used withdrawal as another pregnancy wouldn't be the end of the world. The nurse said "Fine, but how about when you're 45, will you still feel that way?" I'm so glad she did. I didn't want any of the other hormonal contraceptions, condoms were a no no for both of us so dh said he'd go for it. The snip changes nothing, you can't tell the difference. Grin

Branleuse · 05/01/2016 16:45

if he has to pull out every time you have sex then theres your answer why he wants a vasectomy.

Sansoora · 05/01/2016 16:46

He did say he hoped it might 'invigorate things' - I think he's maybe more worried about pregnancy than I am? Could that be putting him off do you think? Putting him off even playing?

I was about to post and say perhaps he really is worried about an unplanned pregnancy and its affecting his libido.

MLGs · 05/01/2016 16:47

Once a month isn't that rare. If you couldn't get pregnant having sex only once a month a lot of people would never have dc2!

Fairenuff · 05/01/2016 16:54

You only ovulate once a month so it's more about timing than frequency.

ReggaeShark · 05/01/2016 16:54

I got pregnant at 44 while practising the withdrawal method.

tb · 05/01/2016 17:31

I'd had 2 coils and various pills and came off the pill at 40 to ttc. Within a year I'd conceived twice and dd was born. Each time only took once.

Someone once told me that before the menopause fertility revs up to have a 'last chance'. I wouldn't be taking that risk, and would be really glad that my dh was prepared to take responsibility for contraception. FWIW, DH said he would and then later on flatly refused to do so.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 05/01/2016 17:42

Before Dh vacetomy I did not want sex, the thought of getting pregnant was a huge turn off and contraception didn't agree with me.

After the op I suffered through the ill effects of contraception until the sample came clear.

Sex at least once a week if not more.

Original poster
Notgrumpyjustquiet · 05/01/2016 21:24

Everyone telling me to talk to him, he's the one who's made a unilateral decision and no, I don't want another baby, far from it, we've 3 between us already the youngest of whom is 19 so definitely no urge to start again!

OP posts:
whois · 05/01/2016 21:30

if he has to pull out every time you have sex then theres your answer why he wants a vasectomy.

And he'll probably be more inclined to have sex as well if he can actually relax and finish inside you!

DawnOfTheDoggers · 05/01/2016 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairenuff · 05/01/2016 21:47

He sound like a sensible fella OP and you are definitely being unreasonable.

RJnomore1 · 05/01/2016 21:52

I'd definitely say he's not trading you in for a younger model any time soon 😉

Penfold007 · 05/01/2016 21:53

Seriously you have no idea? You both been playing Russian roulette with your mutual fertillity for 18 months. He doesn't want another child and has withdrawn sex most of the time. He hasn't made a unilateral decision he's taken his fertilty responsibility into his own hands. Your future fertilty is now your choice.

MajesticWhine · 05/01/2016 22:08

I am 44 and I wish DH would get the snip (infact I wish he'd done it 5 years ago). He is doing the right thing.

green18 · 05/01/2016 22:20

Just to say when my DH had the snip, it was much less painful than we thought before. He went to GP and was referred to have op in a private clinic on the NHS 2 weeks later! So no time to pull out (pardon the pun) and he was home within an hour or 2. No big bruising, up and about within hours. My friend's DH felt the same and that's what encouraged my DH to go ahead.

PrimeDirective · 05/01/2016 22:40

If you've been using withdrawal then it may well have been playing on his mind that there has been a risk of pregnancy, hence he wants the snip.

I have to say it was brilliant for our sex life. I didn't realise it was even on my mind that I could get pregnant, until the risk was removed.

Original poster
Notgrumpyjustquiet · 05/01/2016 23:58

Well it's done now and as above I have no intention of trying for another with him or anyone else for that matter. He's being terribly brave about it but he's shown me his wound a couple of times and it does look a bit sore! Of course I've thanked him for taking the worry away from us both. I just felt that it was a bit drastic given my age but I guess he wouldn't have put himself through it if he didn't really want to. So, here's to his speedy recovery!

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 06/01/2016 00:15

Ask him if he fancies a shag? Smile

roundaboutthetown · 06/01/2016 07:35

All the best for his recovery. I hope it has the effects you are both hoping for! WinkGrin