No idea why DP is having the snip today

[Notgrumpyjustquiet]

He's been going on about it for years without action yet suddenly decided to actually go through with it and his appointment is today. He says he wants to do it as a gesture to me and so we don't have to worry about pregnancy any more. I've told him I can't see the point because we hardly ever have sex I'm 44 but he's become insistent. I've asked him straight out if he's about to leave me for a younger woman and he swears no he'd say that anyway though wouldn't he. I just can't see why he's doing it. I've tried not to labour the point and I've ended up saying that it's his choice as it's his body. Which it is.

I don't really know what my question is...

Am I being unreasonable to think he's putting himself through something completely unnecessary?

"Because if it had been you, you'd be having more sex already."

I really don't think that's necessarily true - as PP have said, it might be the case that, say, if you were using condoms until now the lack of spontaneity/concern about failure might have been offputting. I know when we switched from barrier methods to coil we both became a lot more, er, up for it.

Anything could have prompted him. A newspaper article, a friends or a colleague having an unexpected pregnancy. I wouldn't worry about it. It's fantastic not having to worry about pregnancy.

Hope everything works out.

Your fertility will have dwindled to pretty much nothing by now

This is simply not true. I know a lot of people who have got pregnant in their 40's including me particularly in peri-menopause.

I am 47 this year and most definitely still ovulating. I also have a four yo DS and don't want another coil

PS GPs should not be referring blokes without their partner there but it's common.

I've had meetings with the CCG to get them to ensure both are consulted as there are many options, and at the end of the day it's surgery with common long term serious pain problems that do not get discussed.

Fortunately we had discussed it but at no point was my wife consulted or were we told about other non hormonal treatment. I have permanent severe pain and the damage was bad enough for me to need testosterone replacement and that's for life. It's been bad enough I asked the Urologist to remove them.

It looks like I will be stuck with this pain now. We haven't had sex since the summer.

I had mine done after a few years of talking about it with my DW.
Why would you think that he would leave you for a younger woman after having the snip unless there is something else?

Why are you looking so deeply at it?

We're not using anything atm, he pulls out. Have been since I had coil removed about 18 months ago because it was giving me all kinds of trouble. I'm certainly looking forward to helping him clear his tubes out when he's up to it

OP, that's not contraception, no wonder he's reluctant to have sex and keen to be sterilised!

Well there's your answer then. Sex with no contraception is a turn off when you really, really don't want to make a human.

Did he watch "Call the Midwife" with you over Christmas?

Lol, I think the info contained in the OPs last post was extremely relevant and explains a LOT....

Yep all is now a lot clearer!

notgrumpy - you must want to have a baby then!! pulling out indeed!

I know everyone scoffs but if you do the pull out method right it actually works pretty well. DP and I used it for 2 years with no pregnancy. Then when we decided to start trying got pregnant first go.

The issue comes when men don't pull out in time.

Obviously not fail safe by any means, but it does work better than people assume. I wouldn't do it if pregnancy would be the end of the world though.

The pull out method is risky - research suggests that some men's pre-ejaculate contains sperm, so even if you pull out pre-ejaculation, which some men are better at timing than others, there is a possibility of getting your partner pregnant. Also, I don't see how it can be that much fun to always have to ensure you are in control enough to pull out, rather than enjoy the moment. It's like charting your body temperature and cervical mucous to see how fertile you are - there aren't many people who wouldn't think after a while that it was a bit of a passion killer and getting a bit tiresome to have to be so aware of the time of the month and the timing of the withdrawal...

OP , your last post speaks volumes and explains a lot but also gives an impression of you being quite detached from your husbands feelings -or at least a distinct lack of communication between the two of you.
Anybody can see from the outside, given the fact you have just disclosed, that your husband has decided to take responsibility for contraception because, without a doubt, he does not want more children. Whilst the withdrawal method is reliable if practised correctly, it is not particularly satisfying for the man as he must remain hyper vigilant at all times, the antithesis of relaxed no worries sex. Not that enjoyable for him and probably the reason he has not been keen. You however have been happy with this method and indeed have wanted more sex. This gives the impression that you would not consider a late pregnancy a disaster. Anyone who really really didn't want to be pregnant would never choose this method of contraception. You are at cross purposes. He does not want another child in any circumstances. You aren't fussed. He knows this and is having the snip to remove that possibility and ENJOY a sex life with you that is not fraught with worry of 'slipping up' at the moment it is meant to be most pleasurable !

Fuzz I am so sorry this happened to you. Our GP explained the risks clearly as did the doctor performing it. I was more worried about this than dh was. Dh does still suffer from occasional pains after almost 2 years. But rarely.

But when you said PS GPs should not be referring blokes without their partner there but it's common.

this isn't true. Our GP told us they prefer it when both people come in. However they can't refuse it on the basis of not speaking to their partner.

A woman doesn't need her partners consent to be sterilised either.

OP you are relying on a unreliable contraception. I can see why he wants it. Hopefully this is a new lease of life for your sex life. It was for ours.

And no. He is not doing this because he is having an affair !! He is doing this so he can enjoy more sex with you !. As the dw of someone who had the snip nearly a decade ago....I can really recommend it

I think GPs absolutely should be referring men without seeing their partners.
That vasectomy was the right option for us was a decision that dh and I made together. Actually having this procedure was a choice he made alone. I would not accept that he had right of veto over my fertility. Why should it be different for men?
I am sorry to read TheFuzz has been left with devastating side effects. However the number of women scarred as a result of childbirth injuries is not inconsiderable either.

Op - I think your dp sounds very sensible. Good luck clearing the tubes

you're very lucky you didn't have an unplanned pregnancy if he was only using the withdrawal method.
sounds like he's doing it to stop you getting pregnant but also so you both can enjoy more sex.
he sounds nice.

there are countless twatty men out there who would not countenance a pregnancy because they falsely believe it might affect their masculinity in some way.

i don't think you have anything to worry about.

Honestly OP I don't think you have anything to worry about. Your DP's reasons for vasectomy seem entirely understandable and innocent. Withdrawal method is not a satisfactory method of contraception for the next five years if he really really doesn't want another child. (Speaking as someone who used it successfully for spacing pregnancies). Hope it all goes well for him.

Not only must he be worried about accidental conception, the withdrawal method must be no fun at all for a man - you can hardly get lost in the moment can you? In this light of this revelation I find it a bit odd that you even need to ask the question!