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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is a selfish ejit?

52 replies

PigInMuck86 · 04/01/2016 22:36

Vomiting bug in school. Dd1 (7) has gone to bed complaining of a sore tummy, dd2 (5) has been sick three times and still feels sick. Baby (6 months) is restless and I'm not sure if it's the bug or just out of routine. I've moved to sleep with baby to keep an eye while listening for dd1&2 being sick. DH? Well he needs to sleep as he's leaving for work at 6 as he 'has' to go the gym. So looks like I'm on sick duty and no chance of an hours nap in the morning :-( Or a hand with the sicky laundry pile. Bloody men. Why are they my problem? Their his kids too!

OP posts:
TheSecondViola · 04/01/2016 22:37

Er no, not "bloody men". Your man is the one you have the problem with, not any others.
Why do you put up with his shit, more to the point?

ImperialBlether · 04/01/2016 22:38

I don't know anyone who'd be like this. Or maybe one or two who've been divorced now. Don't accept this as something men do!

Imnotaslimjim · 04/01/2016 22:40

What a selfish arse! "has" to go to the gym indeed! Has to get out of the way so you don't assign him sick duties in the morning!

Sorry but I'd be having it out with him, its very unfair for him to expect you to just get on with it

Mmmmcake123 · 04/01/2016 22:43

I wouldn't be able to control myself if dp said that to me, he'd be well and truly given the reasons why he is going to be part of the mopping up. There'd be no end til he did more than his fair share for trying to get out of it in the first place. Tell him

Finola1step · 04/01/2016 22:44

Nope, not selfish men. But your Dh is. Hope the night goes ok for you.

mrsfuzzy · 04/01/2016 22:46

so gym is more important than his sick dcs -nice one, what a....

Dipankrispaneven · 04/01/2016 22:48

I assume you pointed out that your sick children come before his need to go to the gym? What was his response?

Crazybaglady · 04/01/2016 22:49

Do we share a DP? OP, mine was exactly the same. My 6 year old was very poorly and needed to go doctors, 6 month old (at the time) was napping but DP couldn't stay and keep an ear out for baby becuase he 'had to go' (3 hours before work... Work 30 mins away) he didn't have to go. He wanted to go.

They're both selfish eejits.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 04/01/2016 22:52

My dp would be exactly the same. When my son, aged about 9 months bumped his head and vomited and I wanted to take him to A&E early one Sunday morning, he said, from his bed "you'll be alright on your own won't you? "
He didn't even try to get out of the A &E trip by offering to stay home with our other child, he was happy for me to take her along for the ride.
As I was leaving he asked, you don't need me do you? I told him he shouldn't even be asking the question, he should be dressed and ready to head out the door beside me. He got dressed and came but he wasn't happy.

Canyouforgiveher · 04/01/2016 22:52

Tell him he cannot go to the gym because his children are sick.

Most men wouldn't do this. don't kid yourself that this is normal acceptable behaviour.

LagunaBubbles · 04/01/2016 22:54

Why are they your problem? Because I presume you put up with his selfish behaviour.

Stars1 · 04/01/2016 22:55

I so hope your DH gets the bug , but worse!

Sorry but he is a tool.

LagunaBubbles · 04/01/2016 22:56

Cuppa your "D"P sounds like a compete and utter twat. But it's your relationship.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 04/01/2016 22:59

Is it 1950?

InitialsError · 04/01/2016 23:00

I don't think this is normal behaviour for men either. He should skip the gym and do his fair share of caring for his ill children.

I normally do night wakings because DH needs to be rested for work, but if there's a sick child at night situation, then DH gets stuck right in with either clean up or comforting sick child without any complaints or trying to wriggle out if it.

Hope tonight goes okay for you.

NewLife4Me · 04/01/2016 23:00

Just yours I'm afraid.
I've always been a sahm able to nap during the day if dc were ill, but in 24 years of raising dc my dh would never have dreamt of doing this, nor others I know.
What a twat.

Coco0123 · 04/01/2016 23:04

Ex-h was no different to yours op. Hence he became ex.

lorelei9 · 04/01/2016 23:07

FFS

tell him his children aren't well and he will have to sacrifice a gym visit

I too bloody love the gym but seriously....!

ReadyPlayerOne · 04/01/2016 23:11

DS was sick recently. He threw up twice in the night; I only awoke to the second one as DH had sorted him the first time, not wanting to wake me as I'm always on night duty with the baby. DH was in the middle of cleaning DS up when I came to see what was going on. I apologised for not having heard, but he wouldn't here it; he had hoped the baby and I would sleep through it.
I hasten to add that this was a work night, but fortunately DS was fine after that second time. I, being on mat leave, minded DS during the day and sorted the sick clothes DH had put in the wash.

That's how partnerships work.

Concerned97 · 04/01/2016 23:19

YANBU no way would my DH have dealt with things that way!!!

I totally hate the blanket men are useless with DCs rubbish!

Catch on its 2016!!!

Finola1step · 04/01/2016 23:22

Vomiting bug + 2 dc and a baby = all hands on deck.

It doesn't matter who clears up what, as long as you've got each other's back. So in this situation, I would simply ask "Why do you think it is ok to go to the gym tomorrow morning?" And sit back and listen to what he says. I mean really, really listen. It may well tell you all you need to know.

BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep · 04/01/2016 23:24

my ex was like that too. ditto all the comments that have been applied. and some.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 04/01/2016 23:36

My ex couldn't handle cleaning the sick up (he tried once, it wasn't pretty or pleasant for either of us, particularly me as I had triple the vomit to clean up) so he'd be on bathing the child and finding clean clothes and bedlinen duty while I did the cleanup. Why the fuck to people pander to these utter dicks that assume they're not responsible for their offspring?

BathtimeFunkster · 04/01/2016 23:45

There are good men who wouldn't dream of doing this.

Thegreatunslept · 04/01/2016 23:47

My ds has just vomited. My dh was in with him when it happened.
He called for me to help as ds was really upset. I went in striped ds and took him to the shower that was already running by dh.
Washed ds handed him to dh who dried him and put in his pjs after I had washed out the shower I went to cuddle ds while dh remade ds bed only asking me where to get a spare pillow.
The dirty sheets and blankets are already in washing machine. Dh put them there while I was showering ds.
Dh alarm is set for 6am for him to start work. I am off work tomorrow. That is teamwork.
Actually that's just what partners do. No thinking no talking just sorting out ds and doing what's best for him.