Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think "You're too thin" is just as rude as saying you're too fat.

126 replies

MySordidCakeSecret · 04/01/2016 08:52

After being told the other day by my neighbour that i was too thin and i shouldn't lose any more wieght...

and it's no one's damned business what weight someone is either way!

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 04/01/2016 10:09

Majestic, the point I was making is that it tends to be overweight people who say "being skinny isn't as bad as being fat!" or who make comments about how much skinny people weigh / eat. In my experience.

Jivetoes · 04/01/2016 10:16

Ive had negative comments a lot recently. Are you anorexic? Women should have curves, men like their women with a bit of meat on them, skeleton, you can see your bones sticking out, your legs will snap.... It goes on, it is hurtful and I am well aware I am extremely underweight, BMI of 15.2. I have severe colitis which has meant I haven't been able to put any weight on for over a year now. Most foods don't agree with me. It's a battle everyday and I am always exhausted so the comments are very frustrating to say the least! I would never dream of telling someone 'larger' they looked obese, or comment on their looks.

BlackMarigold · 04/01/2016 10:25

Jivetoes that is so hurtful! Hope you tell them to piss off.
People seem to assume that anyone who's thin has made a deliberate choice to eat less because they want to lose weight. How can they be so thick?

BertrandRussell · 04/01/2016 10:26

"Whoever up thread said you cannot be naturally slim because that's not how bodies work in response to someone saying they were naturally a size 6 is also a bit rude IMO."

That was me. The person concerned posted that she was naturally a size 6 whatever she ate. That is no more true than a person saying they are naturally a size 20 whatever they eat. That is not how bodies work.

Branleuse · 04/01/2016 10:26

i think that its never particularly helpful to point out peoples weight/size

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2016 10:33

Of course YANBU, it's very rude.

And with something like 65% of UK adults being overweight or obese, slim people are often thought of as 'too skinny', when they're actually often not.

PaulDirac · 04/01/2016 10:35

Yanbu.

You're so thin - you look ill.
You're so pale - you look ill.

Fuck off.

DyslexicScientist · 04/01/2016 10:38

Yanbu

Junk food shaming is frounded apon. But health food shaming isn't.

"You should have more salads" vs "you should have more pies"

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2016 10:41

Then there's the lovely "You've got no boobs" (mainly said casually by other women IME).

Err really? Because I don't remember having a double mastectomy?? Hmm

DyslexicScientist · 04/01/2016 10:42

Or men like some curves, usually said by someone who is obese and gobbles junk food all day.

Thefitfatty · 04/01/2016 10:44

Too fat, too thin, it's rude no matter what. You can't tell a persons health by looking at them, or their situation.

Tigs0609 · 04/01/2016 10:54

YANBU. I lost a lot of weight as a teenager, been a size 8 ever since. When I was pregnant with my first, I was still in my normal clothes until the day before I went into labour. Everyone kept commenting on how I'd damage the baby if I didn't eat (I was eating), how the baby will be underweight and how I didn't look pregnant and needed to put weight on.

I assured everyone that the midwife didn't seem worried about my weight, I was growing as I should be. I then had other comments off various in laws/family members, who are all overweight (when I was around 4/5months) saying that I would balloon and put loads of weight on by the end, and that because of my build I would carry weight all over. These comments were made again and again, and made me feel as though they wanted me to become huge.

OnlyLovers · 04/01/2016 11:00

YANBU, it's really rude and there are massive double standards around this. I'm lanky (not even skinny, just lanky, but I get called 'skinny' a lot).

I've had people ask if I was anorexic, which is just fucking ignorant and highly insulting to anyone who IS or has been. It's a serious and complex illness and the word shouldn't be chucked around so casually, and certainly not used about someone who just happens to be on the light side.

People also think it's OK to pass judgement on what I'm eating/if I'm not eating etc. I'd never dream of saying 'No wonder you're so fat if that's how you eat' to a fat person eating, say, a doughnut, but people feel free to tell me it's no surprise I'm so 'thin' if they see me eating an apple or something.

BertrandRussell · 04/01/2016 11:01

Commenting on people's personal appearance in any but the most complimentary of terms is a bad idea, obviously.

But it is bollocks to say that commenting on thinness is as upsetting as commenting on fatness. Unless people are saying that "Oh, someone said I was too fat today and should eat less" could ever be construed as a stealth boast. Or that someone commenting on another's fatness might be motivated by jealousy.

OnlyLovers · 04/01/2016 11:05

No, it isn't bollocks. It's exactly the same: it's rude to pass judgement on someone's appearance whatever shape or size they are.

IME thin people get these personal comments much more than fat people as well. I don't think I've ever heard of a fat person having what they were eating commented on breezily and by someone no closer than a neighbour/acquaintance/colleague, but it happens to me a lot.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 04/01/2016 11:05

But it is bollocks to say that commenting on thinness is as upsetting as commenting on fatness.

Oh, do me a favour. Are you skinny, Bertrand?

goodnightdarthvader1 · 04/01/2016 11:07

I don't think I've ever heard of a fat person having what they were eating commented on breezily and by someone no closer than a neighbour/acquaintance/colleague, but it happens to me a lot.

Yup. People commenting on a skinny person are VERY VERY rarely being complimentary. They might as well be turning green. It's nearly always PA, or snarky, or jealousy. It's not meant to make the skinny person feel good about themselves.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 04/01/2016 11:09

Bertrand, I suggest you educate yourself. This is a good read:
thoughtcatalog.com/aleanbh-ni-chearnaigh/2014/10/skinny-shaming-is-just-as-inappropriate-as-fat-discrimination/

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2016 11:11

I really don't see what stealth boasting has to do with anything?

Look, to the individual who is sick to the back teeth of other people commenting on their weight, of course it's as upsetting.

Not everyone is thin because they want to be or try to be.

Other people's weight or jealousy isn't going to make any difference.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 04/01/2016 11:11

onlylovers "I'd never dream of saying 'No wonder you're so fat if that's how you eat' to a fat person eating, say, a doughnut"

That's probably because you're a nice person and stuff. Grin

Believe me, there are plenty of people out there offering their unsolicited comments to fat birds eating/running/breathing in and out.

maybebabybee · 04/01/2016 11:12

YANBU. 'D' sis thought it was perfectly polite to say to my mum (her stepmum) that 'you looked anorexic after you gave birth' and 'you used to be so thin you looked ill'.

She is basically jealous of anyone thinner than her though and puts people down about it to make herself feel better.

Drives me mad. No one should be commenting on anyone's weight, regardless of size.

I would also agree that it's way more socially acceptable to comment on someone being thin than someone being fat. EG when passing a cake round at work or whatever, if a skinny person refuses it's quite acceptable to say 'oh go on, you need feeding up' or something similar, but if an overweight person takes said sweet item, you could never get away with saying 'ooh, I really wouldn't eat that if I were you'. As is right and proper, because it would be fucking rude.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 04/01/2016 11:14

Yes, Boulevard, but with the apple comment, you won't get everyone around them gasping in horror and going "That's SO RUDE!"

It is 100% socially acceptable to comment on what a skinny person eats / looks like. It is NOT socially acceptable to comment on an overweight person's diet / looks, and most people would react accordingly.

OnlyLovers · 04/01/2016 11:16

Boulevard, OK, fair point, I'm not a fat bird Grin so I don't have personal experience of this.

But I have to say I've never heard of this experience from overweight friends, and those who provide my running commentary on food at work are conspicuously silent whenever a less lanky colleague is seen eating anything.

TempusEedjit · 04/01/2016 11:17

I agree with Bertrand's posts. I've been both very slim and obese during the last decade and whilst I received both positive and negative comments regarding my slim phase, I received only negative comments regarding my obese phase. Both are rude but I couldn't compare them as being like for like.

TheWitTank · 04/01/2016 11:18

YANBU -commenting on anyone's body shape or size is bloody rude. I get the occasional sly insult comment that I'm too muscular for someone's liking (I'm very into weight lifting and keeping fit, so I have defined muscles. They don't seem to understand I'm not doing it in order to impress anyone or receive commentary on what they think is right and wrong with how I look. I just smile and say nothing as I don't give a shit.