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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think "You're too thin" is just as rude as saying you're too fat.

126 replies

MySordidCakeSecret · 04/01/2016 08:52

After being told the other day by my neighbour that i was too thin and i shouldn't lose any more wieght...

and it's no one's damned business what weight someone is either way!

OP posts:
BlackMarigold · 04/01/2016 09:21

YANBU, yes it's rude. Really pisses me off when people tell me I'm too thin. Although they might act as if they're concerned, what they're really saying is "I don't like the way you look" which is hurtful.
I'd never tell anyone they were too fat because I wouldn't want to upset them. The comments have made me self-conscious about my bony shoulders and chest area and I try to cover up, not always easy in the summer.

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 04/01/2016 09:22

throughthickandthing

Please tell me how this is a compliment

"You look so thin have you lost weight? Make sure you don't lose anymore!"

that's not a compliment and it made me feel extremely self conscious and awkward.

OP posts:
Scoopmuckdizzy · 04/01/2016 09:25

YANBU

I get called all sorts at work because of my weight but because I'm slim it's fine. I'm sure if I called someone a fat cow in the same tone someone called me a skinny cow I'd be in a lot of trouble.

If I eat a salad I get "no wonder you're so skinny"
If I eat a cake I get "it's disgusting that you can eat that and stay skinny"

I wish we could just go a day where it's not up for discussion. I get that they have issues with their own body image but what people don't know is so do I! I had an eating disorder for ten years and comments on what food I'm eating or what I look like really do bother me.

I think it's different with close family or friends though. I have a good friend who will notice if I have lost weight and ask if everything is ok as she knows that when I'm stressed or worried I lose weight.

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 04/01/2016 09:25

It may be a compliment to say to someone that you know has been making an effort to change their lifestyle that they are looking great and you can notice a change.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/01/2016 09:26

I get what you're saying op, and I'm really playing Devils advocate here, but I still think people see it as almost giving a compliment. A lot of people spend their while lives trying to be thin, and would therefore love to have a comment if they've achieved it.

Pidapie · 04/01/2016 09:26

That is very rude!

goodnightdarthvader1 · 04/01/2016 09:28

YANBU. I was underweight until I hit 30, and the prejudice I experienced was appalling. Doctors telling me I must be anorexic. People calling me names. Clothes that didn't fit. "Well-meaning" people telling me I really should eat more. Strangers grabbing me and crowing "look, I can get my whole hand around your wrist"! When I tried to hide my bony wrists by wearing wristbands, my colleagues gossiping behind my back that I must have tried to kill myself and was wearing wristbands to cover up the scars. My own mother (who was as skinny as I was as a child and teen) bowing under doctor pressure and force-feeding me.

Despite what overweight people want to believe, the stigma of being "obviously" thin is just as bad as being fat. People still say shockingly rude things to you and act like your weight is their business. You still feel uncomfortable in clothes. You don't want to wear skirts because of your bony knees. You wear several layers to hide your body. People still assume you have an eating disorder or a bad relationship with food.

Educate yourself before saying "Oh, society says being thin is GOOD, so you don't know what you're talking about."

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 04/01/2016 09:29

I think it would be better if we all treated each other due to who they are as people, rather than appraise their appearance. If they offer help then that's a different matter but in a society which is so focused on how we look and how we differ to what is socially acceptable i think as freinds, family and neighbours the least we can do is add to that.

OP posts:
SuperCee7 · 04/01/2016 09:31

It's rude to comment on someone's weight regardless but YABU to think that thin people meet the same discrimination as heavier people.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/01/2016 09:33

Agree SuperCee. Our society looks up to super skinny models. Making people want to be just like that in shape and size.

MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 04/01/2016 09:34

goodnightdarthvader1

As someone who's struggled with people sneering at you why do it to others?

overweight is as rude.

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 04/01/2016 09:35

discrimination i think no, bigger people probably face more discrimination.

But i think in terms of criticism it is a problem at either end and it's just as hurtful. it's the same in that you're being told you're "wrong"..

OP posts:
Geraniumred · 04/01/2016 09:36

It is rude. I was very thin until I was in my mid 20s and had mild eating/anxiety issues. Perfect strangers used to comment on it and I put up with lots of jealousy from friends. The fact that I wasn't very healthy, had regular panic attacks and didn't eat much because I was constantly feeling sick didn't matter. It was the thinness everyone noticed.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 04/01/2016 09:36

I agree with you.

It's not something anyone has ever said to me (because I'm fat), but I still think it's just as rude as saying "you're too fat" to somebody.

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 04/01/2016 09:37

bearing in mind i'm not even underweight! i think it's a symptom of the norm being skewed in that sense.

OP posts:
TattieHowkerz · 04/01/2016 09:39

YANBU. It is rude and annoying.
I'm slim and sometimes I feel like my diet and figure are public property. I eat plenty and healthily, but that means if I sit eating anything other than brown rice and air I have (usually perfectly nice) colleagues going "oh my god. What are you eating? Cake! You skinny bitch. I fucking hate you. How can you be eating cake? Bitch. Come and see what Tattie is eating. Cake again! Fuck!" But of course that is complimentary Hmm

snowinginthewoods · 04/01/2016 09:41

I'm a size 6, 5ft 4" tall, weigh 7.5 stone and have done for the past 35 years or so. I can't remember how many horrible comments I've had aimed at me over the years and it is very hurtful.

People aren't jealous, ok they might be miffed that I can seemingly eat cake with impunity - funnily enough I don't - but they don't actually want to be as thin as me, you can tell by the way they look at you.

Remarks like 'I need more meat on me', 'who would ever want to sleep with an ironing board' (thank you next door neighbour Hmm), are you anorexic accompanied by patronising head tilt, god it makes me mad.

I have a small appetite, move constantly and exercise a lot because I love it. I've never had an ED thank goodness but can't bear the assumption that I must have because I'm so slim (and I loathe the word 'skinny' with a passion).

My BMI is only 17.5 but I'm rarely ill and have had 3 children without any problems so it is obviously just the way I'm meant to be.

So in summary you are most definitely not being unreasonable OP!

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 04/01/2016 09:44

I am underweight and get this all the time. I am trying to gain weight but I'm finding it difficult and it's awkward when people tell me I need to just eat more and gain weight. I wouldn't dream of telling someone who is overweight that they just need to eat less because they're too fat. I haven't even managed to put on weight o

Whenever I gain weight, it seems to cling to my belly. So people either tell me I'm too thin or wonder if I'm pregnant. Great.

Then there's that whole 'real women have curves' thing. Again, great.

Mrsmorton · 04/01/2016 09:48

On here it's fine to call a person a rich snob but not a poor chav. IMO it's the same mindset, you can mock some people (thin, rich or clever) but not others (fat, poor and uneducated).

YANBU

snowinginthewoods · 04/01/2016 09:49

Mrsmorton the same is clearly true in RL sadly.

ItsANewDayToday · 04/01/2016 09:56

YANBU
It's rude. I don't think it's ever polite to mention another persons weight for whatever reason even if you are being complimentary.

You look lovely or you look healthy type comments are ok though.

BlackMarigold · 04/01/2016 09:56

People don't realise that you can't just eat more and gain weight if you've always been thin. Increasing my food intake makes me feel bad. And why should I do this to please other people?

fakenamefornow · 04/01/2016 09:58

I get that sometimes with my children. My children are not even underweight, they do look skinny, which is exactly how children should look.

I was at a coffee morning the other day, my eight year old was off school so was with me. He found some scales and weighed himself and was 4st1lb. Another mum was loudly telling him that's less than her four year old. I didn't say 'that's because your 4yo is fat' (he is) but my little boy did look a little worried and asked me about it afterwards. Some of the other mums did start reassuring him that his weight is absolutely perfect and just what a boy his age should weigh.

insertimaginativeusername · 04/01/2016 10:02

No YANBU either is rude.

Whoever up thread said you cannot be naturally slim because that's not how bodies work in response to someone saying they were naturally a size 6 is also a bit rude IMO.

TheFairyCaravan · 04/01/2016 10:06

YANBU

And FWIW my GP weighs me every single time I go. She comments on my 'abnormally skinny legs', too.

I've been thin all my life, the day I gave birth to 8lb DS2 I weighed 8st 11lb. I'm jigs made this way.