Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed about DH's carelessness?

138 replies

YearlyFloralMug · 04/01/2016 00:48

DH does very little around the house but whenever he decides to do something he'll do job, make a big thing about it, but make loads of big mistakes or just be generally careless, which inevitably means I have to pick up the slack and sort it out. He is also very messy and leaves stuff everywhere yet whenever he does anything he'll put my stuff in obscure places or bin things of mine. He then always laughs it off and is never apologetic.

I am highly fucked off tonight as he had a 'sort out' today and took the christmas cards down. On our mantelpiece,tucked away at the back, which was and still IS full of stuff he's put there, there was an envelope with my name on it containing some money a relative gave me on Xmas day. DH was fully aware that the envelope contained money and that I was going to use it in town tomorrow when the kids are at school.

He has only gone an fucking binned the envelope and the money. It's currently in our filthy wheelie bin in a full bin bag from the kitchen bin. What's fucked me off even more is that he laughed about it and seems to expect that I will go and hunt through the fucking bin tomorrow to retrieve it, rather than him sorting it out. I am fuming! And upset! He didn't put away or move any of the stuff he's left laying around but the one thing I'd put on there, which he KNEW was money, he has binned.

If he does laundry he will do a dark load and somehow put a new white bra or something of mine in with it so it gets ruined. He's tumbled dried tops and jeans of mine and ruined them. He's thrown away make up and things from my dressing table as he 'thought they were rubbish'. Like I said, he hardly ever does anything in the house anyway.

AIBU to be fuming? If he doesn't retrieve it I am just going to spend the money from our joint account anyway I have decided.

OP posts:
Shelby2010 · 04/01/2016 12:22

What's the likelihood that he waits until OP is elbows deep in soggy rubbish & then produces the missing envelope as it was all just "for a laugh".

sarah2011 · 04/01/2016 12:33

He does sound cruel, my husband is the same he has no respect for anything that is mine, he has thrown a cd I was listening to out of the car window when I was listening to it as he thinks I have rubbish taste in music. He doesn't look after things of his own like I pads and phones, when he breaks or looses his he takes mine and wipes my songs off for his. He threw away our dining table whilst I was at work as he was painting and spilt paint on it, instead of cleaning it off. He has no respect for things that cost money.
The childishness is the worst, I think him not offering to help find the money and laugh makes you feel like he is enjoying the situation, I really feel for you x

OnlyLovers · 04/01/2016 12:34

sarah, why do you put up with it?

LagunaBubbles · 04/01/2016 12:36

I can't believe someone thinks it's the OPs fault for having an envelope with money in it on her own mantelpiece!

sarah2011 · 04/01/2016 12:38

I know, you keep hoping they will change but they don't. He is moving out in two weeks. Just waiting on tenancy agreement. I'm sad but it will be less stressful and calmer on my own. Anyway I am high jacking this poor ladies thread, I hope you are ok and get the respect you deserve xxx

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/01/2016 12:46

I'm betting that the OP will retrieve her envelope from the rubbish tomorrow, only to find the money isn't in it...

emotionsecho · 04/01/2016 12:47

sarah2011 your life will be so much better without that kind of cruelty and spite in it. Flowers

expatinscotland · 04/01/2016 12:49

Does he behave like this at work? Bet not.

'What I find particularly odd is that a man who does very little round the house keeps deciding to "tidy" his partner's dressing table and throwing away things that he allegedly thinks are rubbish without consulting her.'

This.

SuperFlyHigh · 04/01/2016 12:55

My brother does the washing mix up with his DW and has ruined (not on purpose) a couple of her most expensive dresses...

He always offers to replace them and its a partly wanting to help as he has been struggling to get work (another story).

I did tell him if he ever stayed with me not to do my washing but also to read laundry labels on clothes.

ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 04/01/2016 12:56

This is so sad to hear. He sounds a nasty piece of work. Who throws away makeup? That can't be a mistake. It means your things aren't safe from him and you live in uncertainty over what will go missing or get ruined next. I would be furious about this and expect a complete change in his behaviour.

sarah2011 · 04/01/2016 12:57

Thanks emotionsecho

OnlyLovers · 04/01/2016 13:07

Glad to hear that, sarah.

LineyReborn · 04/01/2016 13:43

Good luck, Sarah Flowers

OP, do you think there's a pattern in the type of things your DH trashes? Make up, a bra, other clothes, your money. It seems quite ... personal.

Inertia · 04/01/2016 13:53

Expat is right - if it's genuine incompetence then he would behave in the same manner at work, as his ineptitude would render him unable to cope with the complexities of coping with other people's stuff. He'd accidentally throw away items of mail - even if the envelope is named and addressed - and laugh at the recipient while he or she rooted in the bin for it. He'd accidentally shred important documents, and accidentally throw away 'rubbish' from his boss's desk, and then laugh when his boss became angry. He'd do his work badly, leaving the workplace covered in his mess for someone else to clean. He would screw up production lines by not operating them correctly.

Is that what happens at work OP, or does he manage to avoid throwing away his managers'and colleague's important stuff?

Damselindestress · 04/01/2016 13:59

sarah2011 He threw away your dining table? WTAF? Who pays to replace this stuff?! You don't deserve to be treated like that.

Arfarfanarf · 04/01/2016 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 04/01/2016 14:24

Good point about whether he's as "carelessness" at work Hmm

ElviraCondomine · 04/01/2016 14:37

My DH once accidentally threw out a box of carefully preserved college memories (we were sorting stuff out and he totally failed to read the large black writing on every surface of the box which said "TO KEEP.") I was livid.

However his response was to spend an afternoon at the recycling depot retrieving every single theatre programme and ticket that he could, one at a time. His arm was black and blue from reaching inside the paper recycling bank with the heavy metal 'door' resting on it. That, to me, is a normal and appropriate reaction to discovering you have thrown away something of value to your partner - not refusing to help.

sarah2011 · 04/01/2016 14:46

Oh God love the recycling guy, he loves you xxx

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/01/2016 14:59

He's really nor careless. he's very, very deliberate. Sad

NightWanderer · 04/01/2016 15:41

Interesting that the OP isn't rushing to defend him.

SpecialistSnowflake · 04/01/2016 15:50

Just tell him then ' Get it back, or I'll take the money from our joint account.' From now stop clearing up his messes from him as if he's a naughty little boy. Aside from anything else it's not sexy to have to mother a grown man.

And he can count himself lucky he lives with you and me, because I can also be a spiteful fucker and he wouldn't have any personal possessions left by this point...

FairyFluffbum · 04/01/2016 16:05

I wish the op would come back..

My dh would never throw away things belonging to me. In fact he asks before doing it.

If he did accidentally ruin or throw it away he would immediately rush to fetch it from the bin or buy a new one.

With a big apology.

He would not sit there laughing and tell me to get over it or get it myself

FairyFluffbum · 04/01/2016 16:13

In fact I just showed my dh and he called your husband a prick and said it sounded really abusive. Give him an ultimatum. Change his ways or fuck him off

SpecialistSnowflake · 04/01/2016 16:36

*Oops - meant to say 'you and not me' above, I'm not hiding out in your airing cupboard!

Swipe left for the next trending thread