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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if anyone else has a partner who does most of the cooking?

167 replies

iPaid · 03/01/2016 08:54

I've been catching up on post Xmas MN threads. I've not seen one yet where the DP/DH cooked the Xmas meal.

Likewise catering for guests and everyday cooking being the role of the woman appears to be the norm on MN.

Anyone else have a capable and enthusiast cook as a partner?

OP posts:
Krampus · 03/01/2016 10:34

Most Aibu threads are started because someone has a complaint so it seems natural to only hear mainly the off balance situations.

My brother cooked Christmas Dinner for us all, around 18 in total. His wife can cook but doesn't seem to love it and he enjoys catering for people and putting on a party. Any year we've had Christmas at home it has been shared work between my husband and me.

Usually we meal plan and online shop together, then pick up evening meals depending on who gets in first. The other one chips in with laying the table, dealing with kids the moment they walk through the door. At weekends we would muddle through together. I am not currently looking for a new contract so currently do all the mid week meals and food shopping, which is fair with two school age kids.

If I ever were too ill to pick up that £50 note off the floor and therefore could put myself to bed for a few days after safely self diagnosing flu; my husband would ask his Mum to pick up the kids from school, they would make themselves a snack (despite being boys) and my husband would sort the rest out when he got home.

There's not often a good situation on aibu to say the above.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 03/01/2016 10:35

It depends on the week (we do 4 week meal planner). He always cooks at least once a week though. On balance I do slightly more but I stay at home whereas he leaves the house at 7 and returns at 6 most days. We're both trained chef's (him to a higher level than I) and we both enjoy cooking. We take it in turns to bake the DCs birthday cakes. He does the majority of the baking with the DCs because I prefer to bake on my own for relaxation. He usually cooks special meals except Christmas

tomatodizzy · 03/01/2016 10:35

I rarely cook. He works more flexible hours than I do and he loves cooking, I find everyday cooking more of a chore. We often cook xmas dinner together but this year I was hitting the bottle and listening to music so I wasn't much help!

skittycat · 03/01/2016 10:36

My other half does all of the cooking, but neither meal plans nor shops - just makes whatever i plan for a specific day. I don't enjoy cooking, and he often tells me he doesn't like what I cook so he does it instead.

TheRadiantAerynSun · 03/01/2016 10:41

DH does most of our cooking. He's not particularly good at it and he doesn't really like it, but I get home at 6.30 so if we want to eat as a family at a reasonable time he has to do it. So he does.

He often cooks at the weekend too because he thinks I should be able to rest; I've tried stopping him, but he's such a mother hen it's easier not to.

I cooked Christmas dinner and all the boxing food.

Floppityflop · 03/01/2016 10:41

Yes, DH and I alternate with Xmas. I didn't do a hand's turn this year apart from opening bottles! He does at least half of general cooking too and is more enthusiastic than I am, being more of an enthusiastic eater!

SitsOnFence · 03/01/2016 10:42

Yes, thank God! I hate cooking. I do cook for the children quite often during the week, as I'm home much earlier, but he'll often cook again for us when he gets in.

However, I have noticed that when I cook I clean and tidy as I go, but when DH cooks everything tends gets left out for him to do in some magical time called 'later', and I usually end up doing it because I need the worktop space/kitchen equipment/it's been over 24 hours and 'later' still hasn't arrived. So not completely role-reversed it would seem.

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2016 10:43

My DH cooked all the Christmas dinner for about the 5th or 6th year in a row (can't remember). In fact he's cooked just about every meal since he broke up from work the day before Christmas Eve. He also cooks a roast dinner every Sunday.

Despite how this post makes me look, I am actually a very good cook. He just enjoys doing it - honest Blush Blush

fakenamefornow · 03/01/2016 10:44

My husband has a partner who does most of the cooking (me).

I like cooking, he likes eating and washing up. Works well for us.

RoboticSealpup · 03/01/2016 10:47

DH always cooks dinner in our house.

ChessieFL · 03/01/2016 10:47

DH does most of the cooking, meal planning and shopping. I try to cook at weekends but he always does the roasts including Xmas dinner. It's not that he particularly enjoys it (apart from the roasts) but I work FT and he is SAHD so it makes sense. I do miss cooking and planning though so try to do what I can at weekends.

LilaTheTiger · 03/01/2016 10:48

My DP did all the Christmas food, he's wonderful. I chip in a bit but he's better at it than me and enjoys it more.

When I was married I did it all, in 12 years I had 1 meal cooked for me. I went from quite enjoying cooking to hating and resenting it.

iPaid · 03/01/2016 10:52

Most Aibu threads are started because someone has a complaint so it seems natural to only hear mainly the off balance situations

It's not just in AIBU though and often the MNetters aren't complaining about the situation. They seem to think that household and child care matters are their domain and that's the way it is. Some even seem to enjoy the control it gives them. Others relish their martyrdom.

OP posts:
BeyondCBA · 03/01/2016 10:53

DH does all of the cooking (including xmas day), any cleaning that our cleaner doesnt do, all school runs, all driving and all early mornings. He is my carer, but even before that it was split evenly.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 03/01/2016 10:53

Yep, DH does the cooking in this house. I hate cooking and I'm a lousy cook so it's best left to him!

iPaid · 03/01/2016 10:54

And I think the WOH parent shouldn't use that as an excuse not to cook. They'd have to eat even if they didn't have a SAH partner.

OP posts:
AppleSetsSail · 03/01/2016 10:56

My husband does, he is one of these insouciant non-clean-as-you-go types, does it all with joy and abandon. It absolutely does my head in.

YourLittlePlantPot · 03/01/2016 11:01

I do absolutely no cooking. I hate it. My DW is a fab cook and does everything. I do all the cleaning and washing instead. We're lesbians though so it's definitely not a sexism issue!

HotDogJumpingFrogAlburquerque · 03/01/2016 11:04

Me! Smile

DP does most of it here. When he's not here I eat toast, usually.

I probably cook one in 5 meals, although I often 'help' get in the way when he's cooking.

Teenagecrisisagain · 03/01/2016 11:06

My dh does 95% of the cooking in our house. He prefers to do t as is a better cook than me
He also bakes a lot for dcs both in the evening things for breakfast/packed lunches and also at weekends with them as they love making things

WhispersOfWickedness · 03/01/2016 11:11

DH cooked Christmas dinner here too. He used to do 95% of evening meals too, but got a promotion at work last year which means he's not often home in time, so I do most of it during the week now. He's been on AL since the 22nd, I haven't had to lift a finger in the kitchen, it's been brilliant Grin

witsender · 03/01/2016 11:17

I cook more day to day than dh as am home more, but he is a better cook than me. He does the Christmas meals and most cooking at the weekend and is very enthusiastic.

Armi · 03/01/2016 11:18

DH does most of our cooking. He likes it, whereas I find it a bit stressful (unless it involves tipping fish fingers and frozen chips onto a baking tray and putting it in the oven). I'm not very good at it, either. I once made an utterly inedible risotto; we were both completely mystified by how I'd managed to fuck it up as all the ingredients were ones that would go together and I followed a recipe DH had previously used. It was filthy.

I do get cross that I end up clearing up the kitchen all the time but it's fair enough, really, as he does all the cooking.

WeeHelena · 03/01/2016 11:27

When I had a dp we cooked together when hosting or sometimes not.
We cooked for each other if it suited us.
As in its the food we ourselves normally eat so share with the other.

Andcake · 03/01/2016 11:32

Dp did Christmas dinner and cooks 90% of the meals. He is a sahd but also enjoys cooking more.

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