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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is utterly repulsive behaviour

104 replies

bridie69 · 29/12/2015 21:58

Was visiting friends in N London today and decided to tube it. The last section of the Northern Line carriage thinned out and gradually became aware of a 40s guy to put it bluntly staring at my chest. I wasn't even wearing a low cut top not that that would excuse. I was feeling really uncomfortable and actually quite worried, then he stands up somewhere in the Claphams and my heart starts to race like mad I am convinced I am about to be assaulted. He screwed up a bit of paper and threw it at me as he got off a few stops before me. I started to cry partly with relief and got off at my stop then drove home shaking. I just opened the piece of paper and let's just say it is quite an unpleasant sexual comment. I am 51 for God's sake I just want to be left alone...why the HELL do we have to put up with this and why I am sitting here thinking "it could have been worse". Sad

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/12/2015 21:59

Must have been awful for you Sad

He sounds mentally ill tbh.

NattyNatural · 29/12/2015 22:01

Hope you're ok Thanks

TheCarpenter · 29/12/2015 22:01

I am sorry this happened to you. You shouldn't have to put up with this. It's disgusting.

Is there Transport Police for the tube? They could check CCTV. The note is proof and it's sexual harassment.

Shakey15000 · 29/12/2015 22:01

How awful Thanks Have you kept the paper? I'd take it to the police. The tube station may well have CCTV footage of him etc. He may be already known and best to report I think, in case he does it again. Glad you're ok.

DramaAlpaca · 29/12/2015 22:01

You poor thing, what a horrible experience Sad Angry

MintyBojingles · 29/12/2015 22:02

YANBU, agree with above, he sounds like he has issues.

Time for big glass of Wine

rosewithoutthorns · 29/12/2015 22:03

Yep, he was not the full ticket so to speak op.
Flowers

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 29/12/2015 22:03

So sorry this happened.

I would report it. There is a whole big campaign by TFL to try and stop this sort of thing. I'll try and find you a link.

GrimDamnFanjo · 29/12/2015 22:03

Report it. I'll bet you're not the only victim and they may be able to find him.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 29/12/2015 22:04

You should report it.

ovenchips · 29/12/2015 22:04

Bloody hell, sounds Nervewracking OP. Glad you're safe and sound.

Chippednailvarnish · 29/12/2015 22:05

Definitely report him and don't ever be too shy to get off at a busy stop and change carriage - I've done this many times...

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 29/12/2015 22:05

Here OP.

Not sure why people are saying he sounds mentally ill - a man staring at her chest then throwing a note with an obscene phrase on it sounds like a piece of shit not someone with a mental illness.

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf · 29/12/2015 22:05

Report it.

So sorry you had to deal with this.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/12/2015 22:05

So sad this happened to you. It's horrible.

Flowers
PinkSquash · 29/12/2015 22:05

Please report it, that must have berm a horrid experience for you Flowers

Original poster
bridie69 · 29/12/2015 22:07

I don't know if he was disturbed or whatever but he looked more or less normal..well dressed not dishevelled and he didn't say a word at any point. It was honestly like pure, targeted, cold hatred. I don't know what to do about the note. Am doing a dry month so chocolates not wine but ffs why do we women have to put up with this? I'm not even young or good-looking and half of me is now berating myself for being upset the other half is just plain outraged. Some men just seem to get off on making women uncomfortable it is sick

OP posts:
TheCarpenter · 29/12/2015 22:08

Agreed Felicia.

We don't know anything about the man but it seems we simply must find potential excuses and minimise what happened. Hmm

Full shilling or not, a horrible experience for Bridie.

rosewithoutthorns · 29/12/2015 22:09

A person who does this has issues in his head hence "mentally ill" so not sure why you wouldn't think this either.

However, I would certainly report.

TheCarpenter · 29/12/2015 22:09

Sorry, Bridie, cross posted there.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/12/2015 22:10

Similar (but less horribly threatening) has happened a couple of times to me this year. Both drunk men. I'm chubby and in my 40s.

It's not MH, not attractiveness or age, it's a hatred and objectification of women.

Do you think you will report, OP? It might help with the upset and/or the outrage.

CalleighDoodle · 29/12/2015 22:11

Because some men are utter nobs. Report it.

Original poster
bridie69 · 29/12/2015 22:12

Well I can't even find the note now but thanks to Felicia and yes I will contact the BTP. If this can happen to me what the hell does my lovely DD experience and maybe not tell me about????

OP posts:
Leelu6 · 29/12/2015 22:14

YANBU. Recently I was sitting opposite a man (who was sitting next to a woman that I assume was his partner) on the tube snd he stared at me non-stop. At first I looked away but then I thought why should I avoid eye contact so I looked him dead in the eye. He then looked away.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/12/2015 22:14

Aww. Bridie. I can't imagine the fear and the scenarios that were going through your mind.
I know its easy for us to say sitting behind our key boards but the next women might not be so "lucky". Not that anyone would call what happened to you lucky but im sure you'll appreciate what I mean.
Flowers

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