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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is utterly repulsive behaviour

104 replies

bridie69 · 29/12/2015 21:58

Was visiting friends in N London today and decided to tube it. The last section of the Northern Line carriage thinned out and gradually became aware of a 40s guy to put it bluntly staring at my chest. I wasn't even wearing a low cut top not that that would excuse. I was feeling really uncomfortable and actually quite worried, then he stands up somewhere in the Claphams and my heart starts to race like mad I am convinced I am about to be assaulted. He screwed up a bit of paper and threw it at me as he got off a few stops before me. I started to cry partly with relief and got off at my stop then drove home shaking. I just opened the piece of paper and let's just say it is quite an unpleasant sexual comment. I am 51 for God's sake I just want to be left alone...why the HELL do we have to put up with this and why I am sitting here thinking "it could have been worse". Sad

OP posts:
StopShoutingAtYourBrother · 29/12/2015 22:53

Op - so sorry this happened to you.

I'd encourage all of you to save the British Transport police number in your phone. It is a text number so if someone is harassing you on a train and you can't talk, you send them the details of where you are and going to and they will respond. 61016

Please share this number with your friends and family.

lorelei9 · 29/12/2015 22:56

Oh I am so sorry
Yes some men get off on harassing women
Do report if you feel up to it, he might be doing it to others.

Devora · 29/12/2015 22:57

The reason we shouldn't assume that anti-social behaviour is always rooted in mental illness is because it stops us considering other causes. Misogyny is not a mental illness.

Flowers for you, OP. Horrible experience.

rosewithoutthorns · 29/12/2015 23:04

A misogynist does have something wrong in his/her mind (thinking), the mind is housed in the brain. Whilst I know where you're coming from Devora, and Im not saying this flippantly, it's in his head not his foot.

myfirstandonlylove · 29/12/2015 23:11

Really awful, intimidating and unacceptable. Am very sad that this has happened and I hope you get a good night's sleep and feel better. Some of us men are just plain awful and I do think there is some collective responsibility. Sorry again.

CakeMountain · 29/12/2015 23:12

Horrible man. Yes, I'd report it - definitely.

FlatOnTheHill · 29/12/2015 23:13

Thanks sorry this happened
Please report it. They can go through cctv. Sounds like a nutter.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/12/2015 23:16

I had a friend who had a man actually "relive" himself over her on a rush hour train, it sounds unbelievable but she was not the first for it to happen - took her a long time to get over it. Fuck, that's horrible.

Glad you're feeling a little calmer, OP. I know it's hard not to try to understand why but you're never going to be able to think yourself inside such a hateful mind.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 29/12/2015 23:17

That's horrible poor you

I was left a vile note I found it really disturbing and upsetting

Please report these incidents are taken seriously

choccyp1g · 29/12/2015 23:19

Does that number work for London transport StopShouting?

BigChocFrenzy · 29/12/2015 23:23

So sorry this happened to you, OP
Flowers
I agree with MrsTP that most misogynists are quite sane.
So are most racists and disablists.
They are just evil swine, who do such things because they want to.

xmasseason · 29/12/2015 23:24

Misogyny is not a mental illness.

I agree. Just because someone thinks or does unpleasant things, it doesn't necessarily stem from a mental illness. Otherwise all racists, sexists, homophobes, and anyone who isn't a pleasant person, could be described as "mentally ill" when most are not.

rosewithoutthorns · 29/12/2015 23:27
BestIsWest · 29/12/2015 23:28

It's not you. It's him. Please report him. I'm your age and I think this kind of behaviour is becoming more commonplace and it was bad enough when I was younger. I also worry about what my DD goes through. Flowers

BestIsWest · 29/12/2015 23:31

Roses sorry you have left the thread because I woukd like to try and understand what you mean.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/12/2015 23:33

Op what an awful experience, but why are people trying to make excuses for this man, some people are naturally unpleasant without having any mental health issues. He sounds like one of them, one of them who dislikes women to boot. Report it to the Police and take the note with you, it is intimidating behaviour.

Italiangreyhound · 29/12/2015 23:35

Please report it and then do not allow him to take any more space in my mind. He is an evil person and a coward.

StopShoutingAtYourBrother · 29/12/2015 23:36

Yes it does

tfl.gov.uk/travel-information/safety/report-a-crime-or-incident

StopShoutingAtYourBrother · 29/12/2015 23:39

www.btp.police.uk/61016_text_service1.aspx

It was explained to me by the Btp that if you can it's always quicker to dial 999 but in recognition of when this may not be possible they will respond to an emergency using the text service.

FlatOnTheHill · 29/12/2015 23:53

I think misogyny is a form of mental illness.
To blatantly have a hatred of women is not normal.

Devora · 29/12/2015 23:59

I think hating women is pretty normal. Sadly.

Devora · 30/12/2015 00:00

And you can't just define an attitude or personality trait as mental illness because it's unpleasant, unusual or both.

FlatOnTheHill · 30/12/2015 00:01

Devora
Do you really? No it is not normal.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 30/12/2015 00:03

Misogyny has nothing to do with mental illness. He did this to humiliate and upset the op and to make her feel fearful of him

Sometimes it's born from conditioning in society, family other times it's a choice to actively dislike women and want to feel power over

I do wish people would stop claiming mh issues when there is no reason to it does nothing to help understand those who do struggle with mh issues (that is not the same as carrying around and projecting hatred or anger) and it also minimises incidents like this

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 30/12/2015 00:06

We have no idea if he treats all women like this or he picks those out to treat in such a way

Not acting normally whatever that is doesn't mean you are mentally ill