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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think this is utterly repulsive behaviour

104 replies

bridie69 · 29/12/2015 21:58

Was visiting friends in N London today and decided to tube it. The last section of the Northern Line carriage thinned out and gradually became aware of a 40s guy to put it bluntly staring at my chest. I wasn't even wearing a low cut top not that that would excuse. I was feeling really uncomfortable and actually quite worried, then he stands up somewhere in the Claphams and my heart starts to race like mad I am convinced I am about to be assaulted. He screwed up a bit of paper and threw it at me as he got off a few stops before me. I started to cry partly with relief and got off at my stop then drove home shaking. I just opened the piece of paper and let's just say it is quite an unpleasant sexual comment. I am 51 for God's sake I just want to be left alone...why the HELL do we have to put up with this and why I am sitting here thinking "it could have been worse". Sad

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 29/12/2015 22:14

It's nothing to do with how you dress, your age or what you look like - it's all down to him being a nasty bastard.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/12/2015 22:15

I meant to add report the disgusting predator.

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2015 22:15

Throwing screwed up bits of paper at female passengers, with sexual comments written on them.

Well I don't think it's too large a leap to think it's possible he's mentally ill.

Either way, he needs reporting.

Fatherwishmas · 29/12/2015 22:16

Text 61016 With details and a description of him. Save this number to phone and always report anything bad behaviour wise on public transport.

rosewithoutthorns · 29/12/2015 22:16

So you are saying that someone who does this is healthy minded then MrsP? They aren't are they. Someone that objectifies women isn't healthy in mind. They have a hatred for us, therefore "unhealthy".

Anyway, yes report as you are probably one of many.

MotherofFlagons · 29/12/2015 22:17

Report it to the BTP. They take unwanted sexual behaviour very seriously.

Kreeshsheesh · 29/12/2015 22:17

I'm sorry this happened to you. During my year abroad in Paris in my 20s I found myself in a few intimidating situations on trains. The worst was a crowded one where we were all jammed in together, standing room only. I slowly became aware that a man in his 60s actually had his hand up my skirt on my thigh. He was groaning as well. You really don't want to know what he was doing with his other hand. Sad

thelaundryfairy · 29/12/2015 22:19

Flowers So sorry to hear this. Please report it to the BTP, maybe a friend can go with you for "moral support".

MNHQ
OliviaMumsnet · 29/12/2015 22:19

Sorry this happened to you
We believe you
Kindest

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/12/2015 22:20

OMG Kreesh. You must have gone sick. Ive gone sick just reading it.

ByThePrickingOfMyThumbs · 29/12/2015 22:21

Poor you. Flowers Yes please do report this if you feel strong enough.

Original poster
bridie69 · 29/12/2015 22:27

The last time sthg like you are describing happened to me was nearly 30 years ago. I remember a few very unpleasant incidents aged 13-17 including a flasher and a man who wanted to put his hand up my skirt. I thought all this stuff didn't happen like this anymore. Sadly sadly wrong

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 29/12/2015 22:27

So you are saying that someone who does this is healthy minded then MrsP? I don't want to derail because it's important that this is about the OP and what she needs and wants. However, no, mental illness isn't defined by 'doing shit that's horrible'. It's also massively easier to not deal with massive widespread harassment and violence towards women if we can minimise this with 'he's mentally ill'.

The vast majority of men who intimidate, harass and attack women are perfectly functional people who hold down jobs, go to college and have relationships. They aren't ill. It is their fault and they should be punished not treated.

I work with a lot of homeless people with mental health issues. I've been sexually harassed more by 'nice' men in shiny suits.

Kreeshsheesh · 29/12/2015 22:29

Sorry about making you feel sick! It is vile, I know, though I tried to brush it off at the time. Prior to this, I was on a holiday abroad when I was about 17, with my gran. I was in a stairwell in the hotel, when one of the waiters pushed me up against a wall and 'kissed' me. Well thrust his tongue into my mouth and pressed against me. He was in his 40s. I ran up the stairs petrified and wanted to lock myself in our room in case he came to rape me. Worst of it was is that my gran didn't believe me and told me to stop making things up!! He kept smiling at me sickeningly until we left that hotel. Actually I was reading something somewhere (possibly here?!) a while back asking the question how many women had been subject to a sexual assault in their lives. I'd always thought that happened to other people until I realised, no actually it's happened to me. I wish I'd been able to report these bastards. Report him, op!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/12/2015 22:30

I have MH issues, but I still know right from wrong and how to treat people.

catfordbetty · 29/12/2015 22:36

How frightening. I hope someone is with you now.

venusinscorpio · 29/12/2015 22:36

Totally agree with MrsTP. So sorry this happened to you OP, it is indeed utterly repulsive.

juststoppit · 29/12/2015 22:38

How awful for you OP.

Definitely not acceptable. Get it reported. It won't be just you who he's done (or will do) this to.

YANBU.

yorkshapudding · 29/12/2015 22:40

MrsTerry has it spot on. Misogony is not a mental illness. Some people are just twats.

Original poster
bridie69 · 29/12/2015 22:41

Kreesh that story is appalling, and yet almost sounds commonplace when I think of my own experiences. I've calmed down a lot now and yes I will report. I just have such a massive question mark in my head-WHY do they do it? It can't be some kind of uncontrollable urge other wise theyd all do it wouldn't they?

OP posts:
noddingoff · 29/12/2015 22:42

As far as MH issues go, if he had followed OP home and raped her in an alleyway, would he have escaped prosecution due to being mentally ill? Nope. Report the misogynistic freak OP.

Crabbitface · 29/12/2015 22:42

Well said MrsTerryPratchett

Horrible for you OP. Flowers

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 29/12/2015 22:45

Thank you Mrs TP

Those of us with family members who have mental illnesses understand that it doesn't equate with anti-social behaviour.

OP, I hope you are feeling better and that you report this person's behaviour.

EllieJayJay · 29/12/2015 22:45

I'm so sorry you experienced this, please do report it.

There are some very nasty individuals on tube trains and I'm very glad I moved out of London nearly two years ago.

I had a friend who had a man actually "relive" himself over her on a rush hour train, it sounds unbelievable but she was not the first for it to happen - took her a long time to get over it.

Kreeshsheesh · 29/12/2015 22:47

Bridie, I know exactly what you mean when you're asking yourself why would someone do this. I don't think anyone has an answer unfortunately.