to be upset about New Year's Eve?

[ninja]

The last couple of years I've been to a friend's house party on New Year's Eve (I'm a single mum and haven't had the kids with me). She's always had a few families with their children (who go off and entertain themselves). Clearly it's her prerogative to invite who she wants but it's been quite awkward when other people have asked me if I'm going and I've had to say I'm not invited.

I asked her if she was having a party this year and she said that they were having a smaller party, so obviously I'm not invited.

I've been asking around a few people to see what's on as I'd rather not stay in for the whole night (kids are 12 and 7 and so don't do much together). I've been asking about pubs etc.

Another friend said they were having a few friends and invited me to theirs and then phoned to say it wasn't possible as I had the kids (her kids are a similar age to mine, but fine her choice).

I do have a partner but he lives over 4 hours away and with both our contact patterns with the kids we're just not able to see each other over Christmas which is a little upsetting (which my friends know).

So AIBU to be a bit upset about this? I know it's their choice but I don't even know why I'm not invited. I don't know whether to ask (after the event) if I've done something to offend her.

This has caused me stupid amounts of sleeplessness exacerbated by PMT and a general anxiety due to various pressures of being a single mum. It's rare to get invitations or get people to come and socialise with me because most people do things as families and a single women with or without kids just doesn't fit in.

Please don't go with the suggestion of asking why you're not invited, it will put your friend in a really awkward position.

Just focus on the positives in your life and plan a nice evening. Then be the first to arrange something with your friends in early January.

Happy new year whatever you end up doing!

moon rather harsh posts there!!!

Op I really feel for you its rotten really. Truly rotten and I don't know why people do this.

There is nothing you can do.

Just smile and accept even though it must feel so painful.

However, many people are in and dont have anywhere to go at new years. we dont! we are stuck in with the dc, and have been for years.

Id love to be at a party somewhere.

Can you try and organize some things for your children to do together?
find a new game they can both play ie board/card game and failing that silly party games?

do something new thats new to you all?

and plan something lovely for new years day? so you have something lovely to look forward too?

You kind of answered your own question with 'it's up to her who she invites'.

Have a look around local listings, town centre etc, ticket venues, or as pp suggest go and get a hot chocolate or earlyish cinema.

Help your DC to feel valued and have a good time.

if you have another friend who asks you perhaps say your a little taken aback by not being invited but don't want to say anything. if you trust them they can scout round for you.

As we have kids, we spend every New Year at home watching Jools Holland.

Kids going back to their dad's in NYD so can't plan much. Might look at weather and try and get out.

I've asked on the local selling site to see what else is in at local pubs etc - just to get out for a couple of hours (probably come home for midnight). Just easier if we know someone else who will be there.

I agree completely that it's up to her who she invites. I've always tried to not let these things bother me. I guess I'm just over sensitive because of other things.

I will try again at inviting people to do family things together in the new year.

Surely the dc won't be allowed into pubs?

Are you sure you aren't invited? Perhaps she just assumed you would know you're one of the invited ones?

I am in alone on NYE with my dd (9 and 5) - we are going to the cinema then for a pizza then home for games.

I would be upset too OP and I probably would ask my friend why I wasn't invited but then I am a pretty direct person.

I would bet it's something to do with the dynamics of the children though. We have friends who we don't see as much at the moment because the dcs just don't gel as well.

All pubs family friendly around here. A few of them have ticketed 'dos'. I'll see if I can find something suitable at the cinema that they haven't seen with their dad. Take away or pizza also sounds good. Games at home more of a challenge because of the age difference but can give it a go!

It's the bigger issue though. I need to find a way of socialising more with the kids. I really miss this. I found a single parents' meet up but it's more for younger kids. There must be others around.

Of course its up to her but it still hurts, it doesnt mean its right!

I would be mortified and find it really hard to be friends after such a slight!!

"Hi how are you, how was xmas, how was your new years"

" Um well, xmas was good but unfortunately everyone I know went to your party, which I wasn't invited too so I was at home alone"

what about a restaurant?

some places do meals - maybe quite pricey to include midnight though? but still good atmos maybe?

Pub meal....chinese...

Op google and look for party games I am sure you can find funny things to do with both of them.

I understand your age gap issue very well, however at least 7 year old understands, can sit still, play games to a certain level...

but also - games like strapping empty tissues boxes to them, and race to see who can chuck out golf balls from them!! things like that....

Thanks for suggestions. I'll have a think! Trying to imagine serious, geeky dd1 being silly

You're right, it's the questions after Christmas and trying to pretend I don't mind, doesn't seem honest!

Mine like card games - go fish, 7s, crazy eights. "Who am I" - pre-write loads of cards and get them to as well. Twister? have a disco? All ages seem to love just dance if you have it.

But I do get your bigger worry so maybe host a few things of your own next year and see what happens? Try stuff with the kids and without and if the problem is the kids dynamic you will soon know.

Hope you have a nice NYE whatever you do.

OP I feel for you I really do. I'm going through a similar thing this year where my couple friends aren't throwing the usual party and it's great for them as they have each other but when you're a single parent you basically have no one.

I'd be hurt too but try not to mention it until it comes up naturally. When it does, be honest and say that it hurt you but that you understand it's up to her.

And as for NYE it's only one night. Nobody is watching you or judging you. Snuggle up with your DC and pat yourself on the back for being strong and making it through another year. And know that there'll always be someone on Mumsnet who's going through the same thing

We are watching a compilation of the years photos and videos that DS(12) has put together, with a Chinese takeaway. He's set it to music and with funky graphics etc. Could your DD do this?

I am in a similar position. I hosted a low key xmas drinks earlier in the month which was nice but I wouldn't host n y eve because it seems to me that most people would have better things to go to than my place! I used to spend n y e with family friends but they appear to have dropped me. So this year am taking d c 1 to a lunchtime show, in the evening will just relax and then on n y day will go to a parade and then to another single mum for tea. New Years is a typical time to feel isolated and it feels like a big deal to be alone then.

Wiry - great idea! Someone also told me about iMovie so may set the girls out to make me a film :)

Thanks for the sympathy! Think I just needed some.

I think you have to say something tbh. I would say that i was a bit offended not to be invited and she what she says. So what if you put her in an awkward position. She is making you feel like crap. If she wasnt going to invite you, she should have said why.

You have to say something or it will create an atmosphere and ultimately destroy your friendship.

Who am I (aka the rizla game) a great idea!

green when some one likes ops friends does this - maybe the onus for the friendship should be put back on them.

Its the double un fairness when some one acts like this...

Op is there another mutual friend you could ask or mention this too who would subtly say " so is ninja coming " etc in a casual way?

That's horrible Op - I know she can invite who she wants to, but that doesn't mean she's right or that it won't hurt.

Given you've said that you're close friends, then I would ask her outright why you're not invited.

Good luck & hope you have a lovely New Year.

We got a really good board game last year, called Five Minute Rule. Have played it to death over Christmas with massive range of ages. It's relatively quick and really good fun. Might be something different for you to do? I also am struggling for NYE - we had thought we were entertaining BIL and SIL, but they've made other arrangements. DH is being a grumpy, difficult pain in the arse, and I'm not looking forward to a long evening/day with him and the DC. Had thought of cinema, but very little on (not Star Wars types), so I'm still thinking of a 'fun' evening....good luck.

OP said she has asked the host about this and her reason is that she's having a smaller party.

I wouldn't question a friend as to why I wasn't invited somewhere, It's not my business. Likewise, I wouldn't like to be questioned over who I invite or not.