to be upset about New Year's Eve?

[ninja]

The last couple of years I've been to a friend's house party on New Year's Eve (I'm a single mum and haven't had the kids with me). She's always had a few families with their children (who go off and entertain themselves). Clearly it's her prerogative to invite who she wants but it's been quite awkward when other people have asked me if I'm going and I've had to say I'm not invited.

I asked her if she was having a party this year and she said that they were having a smaller party, so obviously I'm not invited.

I've been asking around a few people to see what's on as I'd rather not stay in for the whole night (kids are 12 and 7 and so don't do much together). I've been asking about pubs etc.

Another friend said they were having a few friends and invited me to theirs and then phoned to say it wasn't possible as I had the kids (her kids are a similar age to mine, but fine her choice).

I do have a partner but he lives over 4 hours away and with both our contact patterns with the kids we're just not able to see each other over Christmas which is a little upsetting (which my friends know).

So AIBU to be a bit upset about this? I know it's their choice but I don't even know why I'm not invited. I don't know whether to ask (after the event) if I've done something to offend her.

This has caused me stupid amounts of sleeplessness exacerbated by PMT and a general anxiety due to various pressures of being a single mum. It's rare to get invitations or get people to come and socialise with me because most people do things as families and a single women with or without kids just doesn't fit in.

[MoMoTy]

It must suck op if the only difference is you having the kids this year, then it's probably the reason. I think people just assume that a group of kids around similar ages will play/ get along. Maybe her kids have said something about it.
Anyway I wouldn't ask why you were not invited, I'm sure you will think up something fun with your girls. There has been some good suggestions on here.

[emilybrontescorset]

This is awful for you op.

I would continue to socialise as much as possible.
One day your children will be older then you will have more free time.

I dislike the pressure to ' have fun' on nye, or feel like a Failure.

I hope you have a good time whatever happens.

[hairymairyfromthedairy]

If it's any consolation it looks like we'll be staying in as the dynamics have changed in our friendship group due to the age of our kids (sounds more complicated than it is!!) I feel a bit deflated although it's partially our choice!

[Boomingmarvellous]

It's just another day out of 365. It's not obligatory to go to or give parties, and as none are on the agenda, forget it and relax. Don"t stress over silly things. Have a takeaway and get a few fireworks for your kids. They never get too old for a few rockets. And Shelock is on the day after!

[clam]

I know people are trying to cheer the OP up by suggesting things she might do, or reporting that they too aren't doing much on NYE, but that's kind of missing the point. The crux here is that the OP has usually been invited in the past to someone she thought was a friend's party on NYE, and this year has been left off the guest list, for a spurious reason (smaller scale party) that appears not to be true.

Of COURSE she feels shit about that. Who wouldn't?

[TwoKettles]

I feel for you, I really do. DH and I have no invites, which would be ok if DS2 - aged 10 - wasn't asking if we could go to a party somewhere. Perhaps we should arrange a MN virtual party....... All kids welcome, you can even wear pjs ...... No worries about who's driving .........
Anyone up for that?

[LuluJakey1]

Don't text her or ask her again about it. It is up to her who she asks. She does not have to explain herself to you at all.

I have spent NYEs by myself as a single person and quite liked it. Just treated it like a normal evening. Put a DVD on about 9 so I missed all the TV stuff. Made myself something nice to eat. Went to bed about 11.

DH and I were having friends round but one of them is ill with the flu and the other one is at his very ill MIL in Scotland. So it is just us and our 12 mnth old and we are looking forward to it.

[ninja]

I'm looking forward to Sherlock but dd1 will be at her Dad's so just me and maybe s glass of wine for that!

Yes, it's not the evening but the indication of what it means.

I saw a friend, one I introduced to the group, at the pub on Christmas Day. I said happy Christmas and new year to her. She started to say but I'll see you at new year and then stopped so I'm guessing she's going then! (She hasn't been there before). She normally knows what's going on so on another forum I've asked her if she knows of anything but she hasn't answered. Her kids are the same age as and good friends with my youngest ...

Anyway, some great suggestions here for a lovely family night. Thanks.

Thanks for those who understand the hurt though

[ninja]

A virtual party in PJs - sounds good!

[oneowlgirl]

That update makes it sound even more horrible & like you're deliberately being pushed out of the group, Op. Sorry.

[ninja]

That could just be my paranoia though! I guess I'll find when the pictures go on FB

[oneowlgirl]

So sorry Op - it is really shit.

[hairymairyfromthedairy]

Ninja I'm also expecting Facebook posts showing our usual group having "such fun" at someone else's party!!

[GColdtimer]

One year before DC we arranged to have a nice (expensive) dinner with friends for NYE. Arranged in the September but not booked. I then found out I was pg. Talked to friend in early December about booking restaurant and friend awkwardly said her and her dh had tickets with a big group of friends we didn't know to go to an all you could eat and drink boozy event at her local pub. She half heartedly invited us but said as I wasn't drinking it might be a bit pointless.

I was so upset. I hung up and cried I felt so rejected. After I calmed down I called her and said she was entitled to do what she wanted on NYE but that I was upset as I thought we had made a plan and why had she changed her mind.

Turned out she was going to try for a baby in new year and wanted one last big boozy NYE. She felt guilty but didn't feel she could tell me so just brazened it out which made it all worse.

Anyway to cut a long story short she was (And is) a good friend and I am glad I asked her about it otherwise I would still be festering.

[LuluJakey1]

Just try to stop thinking about it. People can be thoughtless and selfish without realising it. My best friend, who was married, asked another married couple she only saw on NYE to her house every NYE for years and knew I was alone. But they were a married couple and so was she and that mattered more. She never sees them now- never sees me either. Spends NYE alone as her husband works in Qatar all the time (rarely comes home) and she now knows what it is like to be by herself. I made my mind up about her in those days and although we did not fall out, we are not very close friends.

You won't always spend NYE like this- there will be better ones. Make this one as good as you can at home.

[Nothighgaphere]

I think it's awful. What's the point of having friends? If I had a friend who was happy to throw a nye party knowing that I was sat home alone I wouldn't be thinking of that person as a friend. It's also the awfulness of you not being able to team up with any other friends as they are all at her party. If she can invite them then she can invite you surely? There is something going on here. I wouldn't be able to get past this if it were a close friend of mine, and if they are that close then ask her. You've nothing to lose. All sounds quite nasty. By the way I will be in on my own with dc and will probably not last til midnight. Try not to feel too down, but I would think that would be pretty hard.

[ninja]

They won't all be at her party. A couple are away, one is having friends over, one is with extended family. It's therefore not that obvious - all however, have plans.

[poorbuthappy]

It won't make you feel any better but we have cancelled our plans due to illness (travelling illness rather than party illness) and it transpires that the local "Wendy"'has arranged a party and not invited us and another family who she can't quite get on side.
It's actually quite fun knowing about it and making passive aggressive comments on FB about real friends being there for you...

[Boomingmarvellous]

So what can she do about it? Nothing. What's to be gained by feeling rejected? You live and you learn that people you thought were your best ever friend, aren't.

[monkeytree]

Hi ninja - my good friend is having a NY eve party this year and we are not invited. The reason is clear - my 2 year old dd who seeks to unravel things in people houses. My friend can't cope with mess she wouldn't let her dd's have party poppers on Christmas Day because they make too much mess! I do feel upset that she puts material things above my family but this is more a reflection about her and not me. At least she's honest - I was meant to be going to her house on Boxing Day but she openly asked if she could come to mine instead because of my little dd. She must be very difficult to live with. It's a real shame because it has taken the shine off of our friendship. I just wish I had more friends. Just letting you know you are not alone, it would be better for you if you knew the reason why though.

[RideEmCowgirl]

Other kid's making mess in my house whilst their parents allow it would annoy me too.

[ninja]

Trying to big up a film, popcorn, sweets and games! Maybe a takeaway.

Have a good one whatever you happen to be doing 🍷

[notarehearsal]

My dc are grown up now but I was single parent for almost their whole childhood. I went out just once on the Millennium to another single parent's home for a lovely dinner. I was never invited to a party but maybe that's because all my friends knew I loved being in my own home with my children. Many of my friends were in a similar position and often stayed home with their children too. We'd often get together at mine in the evenings with all the dc but not, that I remember, for New Years Eve. ( New Years day different matter and I'd usually have people here for lovely lunch) I think that if you want to party you may have to start giving out the invites

[FlatOnTheHill]

You are not alone. Ive sat in on many news years eve's and gone to bed before midnight. It can be difficult being a single parent. Especially if a lot of friends are in couples. I woudnt worry too much. Its only one night.

[LagunaBubbles]

I feel for you OP, it's not really about plans for NYE but feeling left out generally by someone who you thought of as a good friend. Can't believe someone saying "don't stress over something silly", this is not a silly issue at all!