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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Home cooking. Or lack of. Post Christmas meal.

229 replies

MarianneSolong · 29/12/2015 10:52

If you have people round for a big meal, would you expect to do some actual cooking i.e. bake or roast something, do veg prep etc etc?

I didn't see my family over Christmas, but went to see relatives for a 'big' meal yesterday. I brought prosecco and a large chunk of the Xmas cake I made.

The host couple provided a lot of Waitrose-type things. A pate for starters, and a quiche for main course. Cream doughnuts and carrot cake slices for desert.

There had been plenty of effort when it came to shopping, table-setting etc I realised that I had been harbouring an expectation that some actual cooking would have taken place.

(Cooking equals generosity/love? Do other people think along these lines?)

Also no exchange of gifts - other than my bringing bottlle plus cake - as the couple don't 'do' presents.

When the host couple had last come to me it was more of a just passing through visit, but I'd done a home-made soup (from stock I'd done myself) and home-made desserts.

However, I enjoy cooking. Not everyone does.

OP posts:
ZedWoman · 29/12/2015 22:42

Hazel the sad thing is that, at 6, DD eats really well. She's quite tiny, so has a snall appetite, but is not fussy about food.

Unfortunately, Granny just can't see past 'that Christmas' when DD ate only melba toasts. No matter how much turkey and sprouts DD now eats, she is still seen as 'the fussy one'.

The food issue has entirely coloured her relationship with her grandchild. How stupid is that?

Original poster
MarianneSolong · 29/12/2015 22:48

But if you like cooking, I think it is particularly pleasurable when people - family or friends - enjoy what you have made.

I am flexible in the sense that as a guest I always eat what's on offer and say thanks at the time. There are quite a lot of threads here where people express very very strong preferences about what they will and won't eat. I have no allergies, special diets, declared aversions to common foodstuffs.

Personally I do like cooking and feeding people.

However it is likely -as many of you have helpfully suggested - that this particular relative does not enjoy cooking, but prefers other aspects of hosting more.

So I'm not 100% sure where the irony comes into it.

OP posts:
HazelOrBigwig · 29/12/2015 22:54

Zed that's so silly and sad. Sad Aren't people odd sometimes?

Eminado · 29/12/2015 22:57

OP
I have no doubt that you were pleasant to their faces.

What I find ironic was that you mentioned flexibility but it didnt occur to you that they might not like /be good at / feel like cooking etc

Then you said about cooking being a show of love but at the same time didnt seem to note/appreciate their "love language" ie nice table setting, spending time with you etc.

noeffingidea · 29/12/2015 23:07

I'd be happy to be served something like quiche, as long as it had a bit of salad to go with it (preprepared salad bowl ftw). Actually, I'd prefer it to a proper cooked dinner.

ZenNudist · 29/12/2015 23:44

This thread has offended m and worried me in equal proportion. I def think YABU and I'm glad my friends and family aren't like you.

I'm having an NYE party. I have a 1yo who is very into everything and 5yo ds who is very demanding and so my nerves get shredded. I have toyed with doing my usual party food, perhaps a ham, savoury rice, salad and lentil salad... But this results in me bring stuck in the kitchen, not seeing friends who we see 2-3 times a year. Plus it will offend the veggie friend.

I've bought some party food, was going to do smoked salmon platter and salad. 2 types of pate in the fridge need using up. Cheese and biccies, crisis and horror of horror shop bought desserts.

Hmmm now thinking of doing more home made stuff as well as the party food.

I don't think my friends would judge like OP but you never know Xmas Sad

expatinscotland · 29/12/2015 23:56

They won't, Zen. Just pick up a ham in Lidl. You just bung it in the oven. Do the lentil salad the night before, it tastes better if it's sat overnight. Buy bagged salad and chopped veg to put in. The rice only takes 20-30 mins.

Friends go to see you. YOU.

expatinscotland · 29/12/2015 23:57

I'm going to a potluck for NYE. In a church. BYOB. Bringing some sides. Couldn't care less what's there to eat - CEILIDH!

trufflehunterthebadger · 30/12/2015 00:01

i used to be a chef, am renowned for my hostessing skills and have been told more than once "i wouldnt dare have you over, i'm a shit cook"

if someone has gone to the trouble of asking me over i will eat whatever is given to me happily - whether that is a burnt lasagne, an aldi quiche or a self-righteous bowl of soup from homemade stock because ive gone to see them and enjoy their company, not to eat orange parfaits in sugar cages. YABVU and extremely ungrateful

Krampus · 30/12/2015 00:04

You will be fine Zen. Its a NYE party, people will expect and probably want party food.

Depending on how long people are there for, a supply of emergency alcohol absorbing food may be good. Garlic bread? Cheap pizza?
If you have a vegetarian then ask them. We have a salmon platter as the main dish, but also some none meat party stuff, shall I get qourn something or other?

Have fun.

trufflehunterthebadger · 30/12/2015 00:07

plus while i might be happy to pickle pears and sit up until 3am decorating a gingerbread house for my christmas dessert table most normal people actually just want a nice bit of grub and don't want to spend half the day sweating behind the stove. i come from a family which expresses love in food but not everyone feels the same. some people express love through gift-giving, making sure the house is immaculate or doing beautiful decorations.

if we all thoughtb the same it would (a) be boring and (b) what would the waitrose canapé makers do for work ?

expatinscotland · 30/12/2015 00:08

truffle I made my homemade stock in the slow cooker. It's FA effort as I freeze the chicken bones whenever we have chicken. Throw in slow cooker. Water, salt, peppercorns, whatever veg there is about to go off, 4 hours on high. Strain straight into the soup. But, hey, it's homemade Hmm.

trufflehunterthebadger · 30/12/2015 00:10

zen part of the joy of christmas is the prospect of a beige party platter at some point. they are a dirty secret that noone dare admit to but the shops dont stock them for no reason

you cant go wrong with reformed chicken, vol au vents, pizza, pringles and something involving puff pastry and cheese. add in a hedgehog for good measure and pretnd it's ironic

trufflehunterthebadger · 30/12/2015 00:11

my dig was at the op, expat, not you :)

noeffingidea · 30/12/2015 00:13

Zen I'm a vegetarian. I'd love something like a spinach and feta pie at a party. If you don't want to cook anything then something like a quiche or just a nice cheese board with some pickles and bits. Maybe some houmous and guacamole as an alternative to pate.

BackforGood · 30/12/2015 00:16

YAB V U and judgemental.

I also am willing to bet that a quiche bought from Waitrose is probably likely to be a LOT nicer than one I've cooked Wink

what they served sounded lovely, and how nice not to have to spend 1/2 another day in the kitchen, but to be able to be relaxed and spend the time with visitors instead.

trufflehunterthebadger · 30/12/2015 00:18

and if you have a 5 year old and a 1 year old quite frankly anyone that judges you for not doing "enough" homemade food on hosting a NYE party is a twat. nobody apart from the OP apparently cares if you give them a home made profiterole or one from tesco. enjoy your children instead :D

christinarossetti · 30/12/2015 00:19

I don't get the 'no exchange of gifts' being a problem. Surely, bringing a bottle and a bit of cake to a meal is a contribution, not a gift? Unless you're going to count their food contribution as a 'gift', in which case gifts were exchanged.

Otherwise, you didn't give them a gift and they didn't give you one. I can't see the problem in that tbh. (I'd be utterly relieved that I didn't have to do more shopping and have to acquire something that I don't really want, but each to their own.)

YBVU to be so rude about your hosts.

MistressDeeCee · 30/12/2015 00:19

YABVU and entitled, and sound as if you are looking down your nose at people who invited you for a meal. My brothers came round for Christmas. My roasted meat came from Iceland - I didnt feel like cooking from scratch/overnight as I normally do. I doubt my brothers even noticed and even if they did, they would never judge. My adult DDs were the ones who suggested it to me - they took me out for a drink on Christmas Eve and I stuck roasts in the oven when I woke up on Christmas morning to do breakfast and did the accompanying veg etc later on. Bliss!

Its probably best you stay at home doing your own hosting if you feel special occasions are all about you hence food must be cooked from scratch to suit. No disappointments that way.

There are some really snobby posts on MN this year re. food, christmas presents etc. Can you imagine if children went on like this, we'd call them out as extremely bad-mannered...

expatinscotland · 30/12/2015 00:25

I know what you mean, truffle, I did find it a bit funny that the OP went on about her homemade stock when really, it's piss easy to make if you have frozen bones and if you haven't, well, can anyone really taste that the person used Marigold powder or a cube?

kungpopanda · 30/12/2015 05:36

I'd find it a bit strange too, to be honest, unless there is a reason they don't cook at all.

Would never invite someone for a meal that was pre-prepared. With the exception of my sort-of-brother - mutter the words 'an Indian, maybe?' and he's on the doorstep looking all excited and trying to look starved as well

aquashiv · 30/12/2015 05:45

So you gave soup and she put out a spread from Waitrose..hmm mm? Not everyone might think you are Lady Bountiful there Op.
Your standards are your own.

LalaLyra · 30/12/2015 05:59

For a moment I wondered if you were my SIL. She seemed a bit miffed yesterday that she didn't have "from scratch" food when she came for dinner. However there was no lovingly decorated table. Just some cutlery and place mats.

We had everything from scratch Christmas Eve, same Christmas Day, different, but scratch cooked Boxing Day for FIL's birthday. There was no way any of us who enjoy cooking (MIL, DH, BIL or me) were cooking from scratch for 20 yesterday.

They didn't get Waitrose either. They got supermarket local to the cottages we're staying in. After a two-hour drive for them as well - bad us.

And they didn't even get a starter because everyone thought someone else was minding almost-2yo niece while BIL nipped to change after the baby peed on him and she was actually in the fridge. Eating the starter. And decorating the floor with the rest.

LalaLyra · 30/12/2015 06:00

She was mostly miffed MIL hadn't made her rice pudding which she 'always' makes, but we'd had it twice already over Christmas so were rice pudding'ed out.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/12/2015 06:37

I despair with threads like this. I don't cook at all - I generally only eat food I can open and eat. I prefer to avoid stuff that requires heating up but I do occasionally shove something in the oven.

I can cook but I would rather be doing something else like sticking pins in my eyes - if someone came round to my house they would get something like you were given if they were lucky!

At least you know what you are getting taste-wise with readymade stuff. I hate anything with pepper (the seasoning, not the vegetable) in it so I struggle to eat food prepared by other people, as I can taste it, even if there isn't much in there.

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