To be annoyed at parents who do not teach their kids how to act properly at the theatre?

[DSClarke]

OK, so this might be the most middle class thread ever but...

We were at theatre today for a family production. Kid of about 7 behind me starts kicking my chair before the play starts. I wait for about 2 minutes, then turn round to him, smile very sweetly, and say "I'm sorry, but would you mind not kicking my chair, thank you?" Parents are two kids away on either side do nothing.

He then does it sporadically through the play. I ask him twice not to do it, and then for his older brother to get his feet off the back of my DS's chair. Coulple that with the fact that they spend the first 30 minutes eating sweets from the crinklest bag ever.

Am I an old fuddy duddy? Is this OK behaviour now? Do these parents think that it is OK for their kids to piss off everyone around them (the man next to me was getting seriously pissed off as well).

However, my DH just thinks it was kids being kids.

I am seriously considering splashing out for a box next time

YADNBU - Boils my Piss. I've had kids fighting next to my son - I had to tell them off because whoever was with them was oblivious - this was when they had stopped standing up and moving around. No point in taking them if they cannot engage with the show and watch it - it wasn't anything deep - just horrible histories gala.

And fucking parents that give them the crinkliest packets of things with multiple wrappers - that shit should be banned from the theatre.

Chair kicking I get if they are little - older kids should be kept still - its an hour and an half maybe two at most.

Went to panto in Birmingham recently and two little kids behind me - aged about 2 and 3 - thought we were in for a time with them. They were perfectly behaved. Older kids were the worst with parents doing fuck all to shut them up and keep them still.

Simple basics you teach your children - don't talk, don't rustle, don't put your feet on the chairs - enjoy the actors performing for you!

Manners aren't inherent traits that children learn naturally as they get older - parents are responsible for teaching their children how to behave properly, whether at a restaurant, cinema, theatre or anywhere else.

Allowing bad manners because a child is little (and that might be passable at 3 but certainly not at 7) is just an excuse for not bothering to parent properly. If your child cannot sit through a performance then either don't take them in the first place or take them out - don't ruin other people's enjoyment because you're lazy and selfish.

Onion rings? Sushi?!

Ye Gods.

When did this become OK? Did I miss something?

YADNBU. Even if it had been a panto, it doesn't mean your dc have free rein to behave badly/annoy others. It's basic manners. We've all paid over-inflated prices for our tickets and should reasonably expect to be able to enjoy the production without someone's annoying dc kicking our seats, talking, chomping loudly on crisps etc.

You are so not being unreasonable

scumbag lazy parents who can't be bothered to reprimand their children because it's all too hard which results in disrespectful children who have zero respect for other people and will carry that through their adult lives - kicking chairs in a theatre will become the person who shouts when it's inappropriate and the neighbours you don't want to live next door to

I'd be glad I'm at a place where perfect behaviour is not expected so I could relax with my own children

Then don't go to a theatre. OP you are not being unreasonable.

Ha! I see your onion rings, and your sushi and raise you a kebab. Not on a stick, no, one of those in a sandwich thing (I don't eat kebabs, don't know what it's called) - huge, messy and VERY smelly.

A kebab takes dinner theatre to a whole new level...

It is a difficult one we only started taking ours to the theatre at 6 and even at 7 my son finds it hard to sit impeccably and not fidget he has aspergers and does get frightened easily and sometimes does things that other parents frown upon. Unless it is a show aimed at pre schoolers I think a child below about 7 struggles to sit quietly. My DH took my son to the panto this year and our family GP was sat behind with his wife and two kiddies under 5 and my DH said his kids ruined it for my son as they were crying and jumping around and kicking the seats - he spoke to him in the interval and our GP was exceptionally rude as my hubby suggested they were too young but our GP's answer was they are kids and it is a kids show!!! We often see him and his family out and about and he has lovely children always seem well behaved just too young to be expected to sit quietly I don't think the behaviour is necessary bad just that the kids were probably bored stiff. All kids are different but IMO you shouldn't take them to the theatre until you know they will enjoy it and sit as still as possible. Same in a restaurant we rarely go to a more upmarket restaurant as my son can get freaked out easily and it isn't fair on other people who are paying alot of money for a meal. One of my bugbears though is families who take young whiny whingy tired children to a posh restaurant in the evening - it isn't fair on diners who want a quiet meal!!

There are some children who it is really difficult to stop the kicking etc but generally those children won't be interested in watching a performance. Ds is one of them. I take him to places that he will get something out of/enjoy so cafes, informal restaurants and some galleries or museums. In those places I expect people to be tolerant of his severe difficulties but I wouldn't take him to somewhere where he would get nothing out of it and it would just be annoying for others.

We went to an abridged ballet performance before Christmas and it was carnage. Seat kicking, constant talking/ questioning in loud voices, children running up and down the stairs of the circle during the performance and hanging over the edge. The tin lid was the woman in front who let her 5 year old stand on the seat during the performance and was unimpressed when asked to sit her down again.

This is a real pet hate of mine! Kids that can't sit still or keep quiet need telling but usually the parents are oblivious!

YANBU.

I'm on the edge of my seat (while not touching the one in front). what was the production OP?

It is widely said that people have got used to watching the TV and automatically carry through the same behaviour into the cinema or theatre.

Talking, using phones, eating pie and chips, taking their socks off and picking their feet....

Oh at a panto this year I had a family get out a ruddy PICNIC about ten seconds before it started!!
To be a little fair they didn't have anything too "rustly" - they had sandwiches, sausage rolls and cubes of cheese I think - and everything was passed around in silence/very quietly but it was still bloody annoying! though was very tempted to lean over and grab myself a sandwich as I hadn't had much to eat myself at that point

I think that's true, PigletJohn, and it doesn't make it any less annoying...

I don't really understand why people can't get through a couple of hours without noisy and/or smelly food and drink. I know cinemas and theatres make a lot of money from selling snacks and drinks but surely they could sell things in quieter packaging. I personally think they should be banned altogether during live performances and confined to the interval.

As for the kids continually kicking seats or putting their feet on the seat in front - mine would have been warned, then removed, if they'd done that when they were younger.

Yanbu, our son (5) is prone to kicking chairs at the theatre or on public transport, but we always immediately tell him not to do so and hold his legs still if necessary (last time we went to the theatre I offered him a reward for good behaviour).

Yanbu. We took my DS to his first west end show aged 3. I was very nervous as I expected him to cry/call out/fidget. It was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, had just come out and a friend got us free tickets otherwise I would never have taken him so young. As they were free tickets, I thought we could leave if he played up.

He was given rules at the start, which he completely obeyed, spent the whole evening in complete awe and never once stood up/kicked anyone. He was far better behaved than the German tourist who pushed in to my mother on the way out and then stepped on her glasses without a care in the world for anything except her giant fur coat

For me, if a child is making just a bit of noise or is doing just a bit of chair kicking or whatever I can happily(ish) ignore it provided that it is obvious that the parent is aware that it is going on and obviously doing their best to do something about it, but when the parents obviously couldn't give a monkeys about their kids' behaviour then I get the rage!
I had to tell some kids off at bowling today - they were running around the cafe area and nearly knocked me over with slushes in my hands - their parents were just looking on doing sod all!

Children are to be expected at a family show. Kicking seats isn't.

You're right, Shutthatdoor, kicking the seat continually for two hours is very different than accidentally kicking it two or three times. I don't think any of us could put up with that and I think OP kindly asking them to stop was the right thing to do. The parents definitely should have put the kibosh on that immediately!

I'm a former teacher and veteran at taking children to pantomimes. The whole school would go with numerous volunteers. We each had 5 children under our care. There was never any persistent bad behaviour because the adult in charge would nip anything in the bud sotto voce. What can you do if the adults in charge of their DC have no manners? I have no answer.

At the theatre the other week had to ask the people behind us if they would mind reducing the noise.

DSD (9) later came out with the Classic line of she felt sorry for the people behind us as they had clearly not had enough life experance as they did not know how to act in the theatre.
Clearly something she has heard her father say but still amused me. Also in her defence due to DH working in the theatre industry and being a single dad for years as baby in arms/ toddler she was around theatres. May have not been the best early years for her in many ways but at least she has always (or all the time I have know her 4 years) knows how to behave in theatres, lectures ect.