To be annoyed at parents who do not teach their kids how to act properly at the theatre?

[DSClarke]

OK, so this might be the most middle class thread ever but...

We were at theatre today for a family production. Kid of about 7 behind me starts kicking my chair before the play starts. I wait for about 2 minutes, then turn round to him, smile very sweetly, and say "I'm sorry, but would you mind not kicking my chair, thank you?" Parents are two kids away on either side do nothing.

He then does it sporadically through the play. I ask him twice not to do it, and then for his older brother to get his feet off the back of my DS's chair. Coulple that with the fact that they spend the first 30 minutes eating sweets from the crinklest bag ever.

Am I an old fuddy duddy? Is this OK behaviour now? Do these parents think that it is OK for their kids to piss off everyone around them (the man next to me was getting seriously pissed off as well).

However, my DH just thinks it was kids being kids.

I am seriously considering splashing out for a box next time

You say it was a family production. That means it's for children. Children will occasionally fidget, accidentally kick a seat, and make crinkly noises with their food and drink. They're not being mean to others, so no, I would not have turned around and fussed about it.

Generally, it is up to the parents to reprimand their children unless it is a safety issue, and if they don't, let it go. They may not have seen what happened so keep that in mind.

I would never want to turn around to those children and make them feel unwelcome in any way. Give them and their parents some slack and remember how we all have those times when we're not in perfect control of our children.

Showing a little grace in the face of others' foibles, especially children's, is the best manners of all. Class equals kindness, not unflinching adherence to so-called proper conduct.

Well shows for small children won't be that much of course but I know my parents paid something like £90 each for the dc ticket for lion king in Manchester I think I was.

I think I need to chill about the sweetie rustling. But I will stick to my guns about the seat kicking. TBH I was also petty gobsmacked about the other kid putting his feet on the back of DS's chair. dS was leading forward but if he had sat back he would have had this kids manky trainers on his head.

Another thing that comes to mind...a person kicking your seat might be something that you especially can't stand so it is understandable that it got on your nerves enough to do something about it.

For some reason, I get really impatient when I get home with my son in tow and I want to hurry up and get our things out of the car and into the house. I don't want to dawdle around taking our sweet time gathering everything up and slow poking it to the door. I don't know why...that is my personal peeve and I have to be aware of myself at those times so I don't get too grumpy about it haha!!

Just for the recorded boxes are not always more expensive. You can get a box in Manchester for Mary Poppins for £55 each. The stall seats are £75. We used to go to the Blackpool Grand a lot and have had the box for £10 each depending on the show.

*record

Ah, but class also means acting with consideration towards others.

Would you have sat for 2 hours while a child kicked your seat? Or put their feet up on your child's seat so he could not sit back on it?

manners is acting with consideration towards others, by definition.
class is something else, entirely.

YADNBU - this annoys me in both the theatre and cinema, I've always been strict about behaviour with mine and I didn't take them until they were old enough to sit quietly and have consideration for others. I'm working class, by the way!

Fair point Cherry.

Manners are important. Class, not so much

I'm going to buck the trend on this and say that you are being unreasonable. I say that because:

1. It was a family production
2. He was 7, so odds are his feet don't touch the ground when sitting yet which means it's hard for his legs not to swing sometimes and sporadically knock the back of your chair (different if he is consistently hammering your chair purposely all night, though)
3. The theatres themselves sell sweets in crinkly plastic bags to be eaten during the production
4. Small children learn how to behave incrementally over time, this may have been his first outing

So, given what little I know if the situation, I think your DH is top right and you should be more tolerant in this case.

Finally, if you go to the Almeida, the Donmar, the RSC in Stratford, or the National for an evening performance, I find you don't have to put up with kids at all. No crinkly sweets packets either- just G&Ts and nuts during the intermission. Heaven! My DH and I never go to Westend shows unless we are taking the kids for a treat, and on those occasions, it might as well be a Panto given the attitude of the audience. I've come to accept it with grace.

Not RTFT but YANBU, we went to the theatre recently and I was quite worried about how my DCs would behave (it was an evening performance of a ballet so virtually no children there, but my mum wanted to take us) but actually it was adults who pissed me right off. Lots of talking and people fiddling on their phones throughout.

You are not being unreasonable. You could contact the theatre and maybe if it´s a persistent problem they can issue some guidelines when people buy tickets.

I get annoyed when people behave poorly at the theatre as, in my opinion, tickets are expensive so it´s a treat and everyone in the audience should be able to focus on the stage without hearing other people eating, chatting, etc.

I took my DS (4) to his first "adult" theatre performance the other day. He's seen some children's musicals and shows, and in the lead up to the show we listened to the music in the car, and even watched the DVD a few times so he knew what to expect and was looking forward to it. I bought the tickets on the end of the row so that if necessary I could get up and move him. He was actually very well behaved, but I was on the edge watching for the slightest behaviour that I needed to jump on. Fortunately it was a success, but I wouldn't have hesitated to take him out if he was affecting the performance for others.

Children learn by being taught. It amazed me how many adults didn't know how to behave in the theatre (put the FUCKING mobile phone down!).

There's something off-putting about people who get really upset at someone else's child not acting perfectly, or glaring at the parents or at the children, or insisting in a huff that the child had better stop kicking your seat or whatever. It's a little funny, it kind of reflects badly on that person, not the child. That's just my opinion. In movies, they often have these scenes where an impatient adult is put out at some child's antics and the adult is the one who seems, well, you know what I'm saying I think.

Take it in your stride and show a little grace. The child put his feet up on top of your child's seat? I didn't realize that, I agree he should have gotten a quick reprimand from his parents for that. And I thought the child kicked your seat a few times, not during the whole two hours. Again, I agree that was not acceptable. Kindly asking the child to stop is perfectly fine, so you didn't do anything wrong. I apologize for not reading your post thoroughly.

It's not something to hold anger about though, surely? I'm sorry it ruined your day...try to think of that child as a child you know and care for, and that in itself will temper your angry reaction in those kinds of situations in the future.

Agreed LittleBeautyBelle.

Sometimes and angry adult can be incredibly frightening to small children, especially an unknown one.

YANBU AT ALL!!
[boast alert!] Two of my proudest moments ever so far as a mother happened at the theatre:
Firstly when my then 4 yr old Ds turned round to politely 'shush' a couple of old ladies who had been talking during the overture and then, when they continued to talk turned round to them in the interval and said ever so matter of factly "Excuse me! I am only 4 and if I can sit quietly during a show then you can too. We came to listen to the show NOT you!!" and secondly when we took a group of his friends to the theatre age 7 and he gave them all a lecture on how to behave before we went in!!

(I hasten to add that my boy is very well behaved but NEVER seems to sit still at home and often, to my shame, is told off for fidgeting at school! But he's been going to the theatre since he was 6 months old so I think the etiquette is ingrained in to him!)

Oh and I think one or two kicks can be shrugged off as a 'fidget' but not constant kicking of chairs!!

I ask nicely for people to stop.
Some apologize and do stop.
Others continue and get worse.

Recently I had a couple who decided great let's talk very loudly about random shit. I politely asked them to be quite. He told me to shut the fuck up and if he wants to talk he will. And continued. The woman kept telling to be quiet. Someone else asked them to be quiet. They continued. They were removed by stAff.

Then there was the children. Three of them - let's see who can kick hardest - the chairs mine and my children. Adults sitting there pissing themselves. I asked nicely for them to stop. My dd asked. Then out came the popcorn and they started throwing it. Yes it was a family film, but still. What about our family quiet enjoyment? Again they were asked to stop and continued. Other people asked them to stop. I told them I was going to get staff, now the adult pipped up and said good luck with that. They were asked to leave. But not before the kids decided to race around the room for a good 10 minutes and the adults with the doing nothing.

If parents want to allow their children to be the same as at home then either stay at home, go to autism friendly viewings (I take one of mine) or book out the entire room. Don't expect others to tolerate it. family friendly doesn't mean let your children act wild. It means that some noise is to be expected.

DramaQueen, that is so adorable!!

YANBU AT ALL
Not about the chair kicking nor the sweet rustling either.
I can NOT understand why it is that some people can't go for an hour and 20mins (tops) without having to stuff their faces.

Theatre is a wonderful treat for us, and I presume most ordinary families - it's too expensive to go regularly, so it's not reasonable for anyone else to spoil that occasion.

Autism friendly screenings are not for badly behaved nt children and adults. The ones at our local cinema are spoiled by toddlers who are ignored by their parents and allowed to run riot.

We take the kids to the theatre about once a month and have been doing so since youngest was a baby and oldest (now 7) was a toddler. Any behaviour like the OP describes would result in us immediately leaving. It's just good manners.

The thing is it is alright saying op is bu and should take it with grace but my Mum has osteoporosis and arthritis and someone kicking her chair repeatedly would cause her actual pain.

I cannot believe any adult thinks it is ok to let their kids do it more than twice without telling them off or removing them if the child continues.

I would like to sit in front of midnite's ds in future please for every show I attend as noisy adults offend me too.

Yanbu