Dd is angry at me because...

[usernamesandgingerbreads]

She is sat in her bedroom with flimsy thin shorts and vest pjs on and the heating on full blast (which we cannot afford) and i have asked her to turn the heating down or off and put a jumper or her dressing gown on because it is winter.

Her response was that i am the most pathetic meanest person in the world and exactly it is winter.

Aibu?

For the record last time i moaned she threatened to turn back and switch the heating on for the whole time we were away and the water tap (we are on a water meter) and then i would have cause to moan

Some teens are just horrible. I was a horrible nasty, selfish, out of control teen. Then I grew out of it. Probably not what you want to hear but sometimes there isn't a lot you can do.

Usernames I've no real advice, mine aren't there yet. But I did break my mams heart a few times as a teen.

You sound like you're doing everything right, and I agree, that maybe it's hormonal?

Does she have any friends?

Keep keeping on love, it must be so tough.

Teens can be pretty grim and it's not always how you bring them up because I have four kids and only one of them gave me that kind of nonsense. She's grand now because she's left home and paying her bills. Only you know how your daughter will react, but what you've been doing hasn't worked so try a different way. If she gets an allowance cut it down if she insists on arguing about the heating. You need to find leverage if reasonable requests are argued. Good luck and I feel your pain!

Oh, OP, it sounds hideous. I don't have a teenager, but I do work with them - everything you have posted is screaming hormonal issues to me. It sounds like your dd was a fab, easy-to-live-with person, until she hit the hormonal years?
I do believe (just from experience -have no medical training) that for a small number of young women, the start of their menstrual cycle can lead to massive, seemingly ungovernable swings in their behaviour. Enormous anger at nothing, for example.
If you can get her to see a GP about it, they might be able to help?
Above all, don't stop being a loving mum to her, and speaking to her like a reasonable human being (even when she isn't acting like one!)
Was horrified to read, upthread, people advocating you speaking disrespectfully to your daughter (why are you asking, why aren't you telling, etc etc). How does a child learn, if by not example? I've worked with a number of teens, who have been forced to accept their parents' edicts, but have no idea about how negotiation and basic kindness and respect for others works! It isn't a recipe for long term happiness, or decency.

gingerbreads - heating and teenage challenges aside for a moment please keep believing in your DD. She's still there, you haven't lost anyone.
Most teenagers go through a bit of a metamorphosis. She needs to know you're still on her side in the long run.

She was the loveliest most kind and well behaved girl until around December of year 7. Now in year 8. Nothing happened specifically. She had for the first time ever liked school when she went to high school but the novelty wore off around December.

No periods yet.

Stick with it gingerbreads - obviously I'm not living it but it all sounds like a bit of a storm in a teacup to me/ just normal teenage stuff
You're the adult you have to hold steady through these oh so dramatic but really nothing teenage storms x

I've read a bit more of the middle of the thread now (sorry!) and realise the storm in a teacup comment might be a bit annoying. I still think we do have to stick with our DC though and hope they come out the other end at some point - as most do

If it's hormonal like others are saying then a balanced diet may help, or even some Evening Primrose supplement?

I would try and keep punishment as a last resort even when she is being vile as punishment really doesn't teach them how you want them to behave.
Try as much as you can to go down the positive reinforcement route, even if that means scraping around the bottom of the barrel for tiny things. Praise and little treats could entice her to behave better, you really need her to want to please you.
As hard as it is try and not get mad, she wants a reaction. Ignoring bad behaviour (when possibles!) works not just for toddlers but for all ages including adults
I would recommend a book called 'don't shoot the dog'. It's helped me lots.

well done user for being restrained. OOH Why should our dc physically harm us and I think mentioning the police is fair enough. I think being firm and having boundaries is the way to go. You can still be polite and calm whilst doing this. It's your house and you are i charge.

the old cliche when they have their own place and pay their own way then they can have the heating on 25 if they please:)

I'm sure it is a hormonal/puberty thing, but she still has to realise where the line is.
I'm just coming out the other side after 2yrs of my youngest DS going through the maelstrom of puberty.

He was hideous and his attitude was awful, but although I made allowances for his behaviour and didn't take it personally,(hard to do when they push your buttons) he still wasn't allowed to go unchallenged.

Parenting teens isn't for the faint hearted!