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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL won't accept my FB friend request but posts pics of my children

44 replies

tootsietoo · 27/12/2015 19:59

AIBU to be quite pissed off with her? I sent her a friend request maybe a couple of years ago now and she's never accepted it. I know she has it as DH and their father have mentioned it to her. No skin off my nose, I don't need to know about her life nor she about mine, but she posts pics of the children occasionally, and has just posted another 10 or so today as they are staying with her. And I can't see them as she is not a friend, I only know as DH showed me earlier. I think this is pretty out of order. AIBU?

OP posts:
Hissy · 27/12/2015 20:02

Tell dh to tell her NOT to post pictures of his children

Get them reported and removed if you have to.

Call her yourself and explain how you are not happy with her putting your children on her FB

RuckingMarvellous · 27/12/2015 20:02

I'd have to ask her outright why she hasn't accepted the friend request and state that as she is posting pictures of your children publicly on social media you would like to see them yourself.

unimaginativename13 · 27/12/2015 20:03

Is she friends with your DH?

Hissy · 27/12/2015 20:03

Hold on, your Sil isn't their Aunty? Their dad isn't your dh?

No. She has no right at all to post them on FB. Put her straight yourself

Lweji · 27/12/2015 20:03

I'd expect your DH to sort out the photo issue with her.

Enjolrass · 27/12/2015 20:06

Is it your dhs sister?

Why does it annoy you? Do you not want your kids on social media?

Original poster
tootsietoo · 27/12/2015 20:59

Yes, she is DH's sister, the children's aunt. I do put pics of them myself on FB, so it isn't that I don't want them there per se. But 1. when I post them I have control over the location and privacy settings on the photos and 2. (and most importantly!) I would like to see what they have all been up to today, as DH, the rest of their family and her friends are able to! I find it very odd that she has just omitted to click the "accept" button and that I, their mother and primary carer, can't see or comment on what they're up to like some other family members have!

She lives 3 hours away so I don't see her often. Certainly the last time I saw her this wasn't something I thought about. She has a track record of being a bit of a "game player" so I didn't want to rise to her bait and look like a div begging her to be my FB friend! I will happily mention it to her when I next see her face to face but I SO don't want to make a drama of it, it is probably what she wants!

OP posts:
Original poster
tootsietoo · 27/12/2015 21:01

Sorry, by their father I meant DH's and SIL's father, not my children's father. Which is DH. Clearer I hope!

OP posts:
CFSsucks · 27/12/2015 21:06

I guess it is what she wants as it's odd for her not to accept. I'd actually get your DH to tell her that you don't want pictures of your DCs put up by anyone except theirs parents.

This would piss me off too. I had an issue before when SIL made her profile picture a photo of DS Hmm. She barely ever saw him and when she did certainly didn't interact with him. Then another time DH's cousin was into photography and put loads of pictures of DS on her profile and it was completely open to anyone. I got DH to ask her to take them down. I put the odd picture of DCs on FB but never as a profile picture and my account is very restricted and I don't have hordes of friends.

BackInTheRealWorld · 27/12/2015 21:12

I can't see the problem with someone posting pics of her brothers children. As long as her brother hasn't got a problem with it. I can't see why he should insist she becomes Facebook friends with his wife. Anyway it doesn't bother you enough not to send your kids up there for her to look after...

BackInTheRealWorld · 27/12/2015 21:14

What would be weird if she was posting pics of you but not accepting your friend request. That would be weird. Not wanting to be your Facebook friend but still being proud of her brothers children isn't weird at all.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2015 21:16

Ask her if she will accept, as she may have forgotten you sent it.

You can see the pics of your kids if your DH is friends with her. You just need to ask him to show you.

It's really not a big deal.

Original poster
tootsietoo · 27/12/2015 21:17

But that's sort of it BanInTheRealWorld. I think she's great with them, they love seeing her, I am happy for them to go. I think we get on well. I also don't really mind her posting the pics. So why would she not accept my request, when that means that I can't see them? It's weird!

OP posts:
unimaginativename13 · 27/12/2015 21:19

I don't have my family on my FB as they are nosey cunts people.

They probably are offended but I don't care. However I would be posted pics of their child on FB, but not do I put pics of my DS.

I feel once you put those pics on FB you are pretty much saying it's ok.

If you don't want people to have access to your children pics you should put them on their either.

Mmmmcake123 · 27/12/2015 21:20

I think it's weird, she is being obtuse

Original poster
tootsietoo · 27/12/2015 21:21

OK - cross posted with the weirdness posts!

OP posts:
shazzarooney99 · 27/12/2015 21:26

Is there a reason that she wont add you?

Champagneformyrealfriends · 27/12/2015 21:27

I'm really close to my sister and my nephew and I never post any photos of him online without her permission (and she rarely says yes to people posting photos of him online). So YANBU, if she's prepared to put photos of your children on the internet then she should at least allow you access to see them freely. I think people forget that Facebook is a website-and it's not that secure either.

Original poster
tootsietoo · 27/12/2015 21:27

obtuse is it mmmmmmcake. she does have a tendency to be a bit passive aggressive with DH sometimes e.g. making him chase her if he needs to speak to her, thus making him look like the desperate one with no life and her the mad busy cool one, and this is along similar lines. if I bring it up with her I am the one who looks a bit petty and worrying about silly social media stuff. when all it was was that DH told me there were some pics on FB, and I couldn't see them until he got home and passed over his phone, and I felt cross that I couldn't see the nice pics of my beautiful children!

gah, I guess I have to be all mature and sensible and rise above it. but I am still annoyed!

OP posts:
diddl · 27/12/2015 21:29

So the children's father can see what she posts as he is her FB friend?

Why would you need to be also?

Original poster
tootsietoo · 27/12/2015 21:31

shazzarooney - that is a good question. I wish I could think of an obvious one but I can't! I think we get on well. Which is why it's a bit confusing! I understand everyone uses FB differently, but I have just checked, and she has loads and loads of friends, including one good friend of mine who I know she hasn't seen since our wedding 11 years ago!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
tootsietoo · 27/12/2015 21:32

diddl, because he is a different person from me with different log in details and we are not always in the same place (in fact frequently are not in the same place for days at a time) which means I can't see the pics!

OP posts:
BackInTheRealWorld · 27/12/2015 21:35

Look, all you need to do is tell your husband to tag you in any pics of your kids.
That's pretty much it.
No one should be made to add someone as a Facebook friend just because their sibling is married to them. It's honestly ok how it is.

diddl · 27/12/2015 21:36

Are you FB friends with him so he could pass them on or you could see them as his friend iyswim?

diddl · 27/12/2015 21:38

Ah!

Back has what I was trying to say!