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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at stingy dd and her fiancee(xmas rant)

40 replies

Justifiecorsensitive · 27/12/2015 19:46

This has been nagging me since christmas day and i cant help being upset and miffed. dd and her fiance got his parents a meal out voucher and other bits and bobs wine/chocolate etc i got from just dd primark pyjamas and a box of matchmakers she hadnt even thought about her dad dc2 bought him something.im really upset by it I know I shouldnt be but the thoughtful gifts for her soon to be inlaws and ours just seems an afterthought. Sad

OP posts:
Duckdeamon · 27/12/2015 19:48

Did her fiance organise and pay for the gifts for his family?

Original poster
Justifiecorsensitive · 27/12/2015 19:51

No they organised it together think he bought them but she went halves

OP posts:
CheeseCakeOfDreams · 27/12/2015 19:51

Could it be that DD sorted presents out for her family and her DH the presents for his? So it's not a case of her being more thoughtful towards her DH's family, it's just that she's a bit rubbish at picking presents compared to her DH.

DP and I always just sort out the presents for our own side of the family.

SevenSeconds · 27/12/2015 19:51

Maybe she's trying to impress them? Don't worry OP, you're still her mum! If you have a good relationship generally then I wouldn't let this bother you too much.

Original poster
Justifiecorsensitive · 27/12/2015 19:54

Tbf we get on well and i have not said anything to her i dunno improbably just feeling sensitive

OP posts:
Duckdeamon · 27/12/2015 19:55

Tell her how you feel!

Original poster
Justifiecorsensitive · 27/12/2015 19:58

What would I say though ?

OP posts:
VintageDresses · 27/12/2015 20:03

This is the sort of thing I might have decided be when I was first married. It wasn't that my parents were less important, far from it, but that I felt it more necessary to "impress" my new in-laws.

It's a compliment - it means she knows these things aren't important between you!

VintageDresses · 27/12/2015 20:04

Decided? Done...

cuntycowfacemonkey · 27/12/2015 20:07

I would perhaps just say "I'm a little surprised you didn't buy your dad a present I felt a bit sad opening one from you knowing he didn't get one"

Duckdeamon · 27/12/2015 20:07

You could just say the truth: it seems that she and her fiance got much nicer presents for MIL and FIL than they did for you (and got DH nothing) and that you found this hurtful.

Hassled · 27/12/2015 20:10

I think Vintage is right - she needs to impress the inlaws and doesn't need to impress you, so didn't give it any thought. Not that that makes it OK - you should tell her how it made you feel, because she won't know otherwise.

Original poster
Justifiecorsensitive · 27/12/2015 20:11

Maybe the impressing them thing is right I feel a bit better for writing it down dh wouldnt be interested in my moans

OP posts:
4yoniD · 27/12/2015 20:22

We buy more for husbands parents than my parents. Before we were together he spent more at Christmas than me, also husbands' parents spend more at Christmas and make a bigger deal of it than my family.

RowenaReddit · 27/12/2015 20:22

Are her soon to be inlaws more generous than you? We give my inlaws far more than my parents (DH is in charge of their gifts) as they do for more for us than my parents do. Last year IL's gave us nearly £1500. My parents gave me a hideous vase. For my 30th the in laws gave me a city trip to a city of our choosing plus a bit of spending money, with offer of them babysitting DS. My parents gave me a book and a jumper.

We spent ages trying to think of something nice for my parents a few years ago and all we got were complaints about how impractical it was to transport home and accused of damaging their car (father drove it into the side of the garage when he went to park it in the shade so the present didn't get ruined).

thelaundryfairy · 27/12/2015 20:25

Perhaps this is not related, but it sounds like your daughter and her fiancé chose to spend Christmas Day with you and your husband. For me, that is a better present than any material gift. But you are not unreasonable to feel disappointed, especially as she didn´t give her dad a gift at all.

CFSsucks · 27/12/2015 20:32

Was this facilitated by her fiance though? Does he get more for his parents and your DD thought she had better go halves with him to say it was from both of them? Is this a lot less than she used to get you? It is thoughtless especially as she didn't bother to get her father something. I'd have to say something but what I don't know as I'm not tactful at all!

Impressing her in laws shouldn't come in to it, you don't get your own parents less/nothing just because you want to impress someone else.

Original poster
Justifiecorsensitive · 27/12/2015 20:36

Im not sure if they are more generous than us they did give them a lot of money when they got engaged but they earn more than we do maybe it has something to do with it which tbh makes me feel more upset, she and he got nice presents from us its not like she gets nothing

OP posts:
LotsOfShoes · 27/12/2015 20:48

It's very likely he decided what to buy his parents and she decided what to buy you. Yes, it was from the both of them and they went halves but it still doesn't mean they didn't each pick for their own parents. Hence the different presents.
My parents generally get much better presents than my in laws. Why? Because I spend months thinking and looking for a present whereas DH spends 30min on 24th of Dec. He isn't that big on presents so doesn't care as much. And my parents gave me a loot of money when I was younger so I feel like I need to now be very generous in return (they won't let me pay them back). So all these factors added up mean my parents get better and more expensive presents. It doesn't mean DH doesn't care about his parents as much though.

helenahandbag · 27/12/2015 21:30

DP bought his parents the flashy gifts that they asked for and put my name on the card, whereas I'm pretty skint this year (personal debt, I'm paying it off myself as it's my problem, not DP's) so my parents got a few token gifts and some homemade things.

I'd be gutted and pretty pissed off if my mum was whinging about it behind my back.

Qwebec · 27/12/2015 21:42

My parents get bigger gifts and DP's get token gifts is any, but we are much closer to mine than his and it is also a way to thank them for the help they offer us through out the year. It was like that before DP and I met.
I don't think you can compare yours vs their gifts. Rather how is it vs before? There can me all kind of reasons why. If you are close my might want to ask.

The only thing I find odd is how come you know what the inlaws got? Rather sude if they told you.

Qwebec · 27/12/2015 21:42

rude not sude

Morganly · 27/12/2015 22:06

Yes, I'd be miffed too. Difficult to say anything about the disparity between your gift and her in laws to be but I would definitely want to ask her why she didn't get her dad a present.

What has she been like for gifts in previous years? Has she been more generous in the past or is this normal for her?

If his family are well off, they are probably used to spending a lot on presents. Maybe he decided on the presents for his family and expected her to pay half and she didn't have any money left for you.

GinandJag · 27/12/2015 22:08

Christmas is about giving, not getting, OP.

Original poster
Justifiecorsensitive · 27/12/2015 22:14

Its not even the money iyswim i dont mind getting Pjs its the lack of input she just expected her sister and me to sort her dads and thought me and her dad would appreciate a reasturant voucher and nice sweets I guess i just feel taken granted if that makes sense. They gave them a joint christmas present and card and we got no thought. I am going to say something to her i think.she told me what they got his parents.

OP posts:
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