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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset at stingy dd and her fiancee(xmas rant)

40 replies

Justifiecorsensitive · 27/12/2015 19:46

This has been nagging me since christmas day and i cant help being upset and miffed. dd and her fiance got his parents a meal out voucher and other bits and bobs wine/chocolate etc i got from just dd primark pyjamas and a box of matchmakers she hadnt even thought about her dad dc2 bought him something.im really upset by it I know I shouldnt be but the thoughtful gifts for her soon to be inlaws and ours just seems an afterthought.

OP posts:

MrsA2015 · 27/12/2015 22:27

Perhaps because they are the "new family" she feels pressured into getting something fancy? And because she knows you'll love her regardless of the gift? What does she usually buy you?

Kitla · 27/12/2015 22:46

Before you say anything, I'd find out what your ILs bought for your DD and see how their gift was relative to the one they received.

I buy my parents' gifts and my DH buys for his parents. But there is a real disparity between how much is spent by the parents. My ILs spend about £75 on my DDs for example, whereas this year my parents spent £100 on just one present, £40 on another and then a stocking of gifts too. They easily spent a good couple of hundred on each person.

So when I buy my parents, I easily spent a good hundred pounds each on them (spa day + bits), and my brother, but DH probably spent about 40-50 on his folks. I don't think

Maryz · 27/12/2015 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noeffingidea · 27/12/2015 22:47

I would ask her why she didn't get her anything for her dad. That doesn't seem fair to me if the other 3 (you and his parents) all got presents. It isn't nice to leave one person out.
As far as the amount spent, I wouldn't give it a second thought. I'd be well happy with some pyjamas from primark, (as long as they were the cosy fleecy ones).

Kitla · 27/12/2015 22:49

Aargh! Posted too soon...

Meant to say it would be right to spend the same on each family. To spend hundreds on DH's parents when that's not what their family does would be too excessive, but to spend £40 when my parents spend so much more, would seem miserly. So we each fit in with what our own families do.

So before saying anything, I would find out how much the ILs say and see whether it is all relative.

If it's not, then yes id feel a little upset too.

Vickymumof4 · 27/12/2015 22:54

I can understand how you feel. I also know the meaning of Christmas etc etc... However, DS and his g/f bought myself a reed diffuser smelly thing and DH a bottle of wine, while her mum received tickets to Adele and dad received tickets to Coldplay. Needless to say I was fucking devastateda bit miffed.

Blu · 27/12/2015 22:55

I really would not say anything.

You are a grown up. You will sound like a jealous toddler.

Don't be the difficult parents.

Are you jealous that she is starting to see her IL's to be as parents in law? If that is a real feeling talk to her about how hard it is to let go of your beloved did - her- and what a bittersweet thing it is to see her develop a relationship with her ILs.

But don't just whine about getting a cheaper pressure.

And actually pyjamas sound much more personal than vouchers, wine and chicks.

Do you like them?

YouMakeMyDreams · 27/12/2015 23:03

In the past when I was still married to exh his mother was so we'll still is so shallow. She expected gifts even one year when she knew I was being made redundant in the new year. She had an absolute bitch fest that we said we were only buying the children our nephews presents. She still brings it up to ex 6 years later. My parents don't expect gifts knew we were skint and asked us not to spend money on them.
This thread shows there could be loads of reasons why they got more. Her il's could be shallow present grabbers. The fact that she told you suggests she thinks you won't mind.

boodles · 27/12/2015 23:06

My daughter always spends loads more on her bf mum than me. She does this because his mum really cares about getting presents and is upset if she gets none. I honestly don't care, in fact if she spent a lot on me I wouldn't like it. I tell her she should only get me a token gift and spend her money on herself. She does spend Christmas Eve/day with us and always buys me a very thoughtful card and writes really nice things about us in it that is worth more than any gift to me.

Rafflesway · 27/12/2015 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 28/12/2015 09:13

It sounds more as if your dd was rather swept along with her fiance in getting the presents for his parents - they sound like a family used to spending a lot on each other. Is this year's present from her typical in size/type of gifts of the past?

If you say something, what would you be wanting her to say/do in return?

ZenNudist · 28/12/2015 09:20

I wouldn't say something but I wouldn't get her anything nice in future. Perhaps she doesn't want to do much in the way of gifts and her dp does for his family.

It sounds horrid but you probably are going to call her out on it if you don't want to get shit gift/ no gift next year.

Is your dh bothered?

BerylStreep · 28/12/2015 09:36

Actually I wouldn't say anything at all.

Please don't set yourself up for a lifetime of competing with her soon to be in-laws.

Original poster

Justifiecorsensitive · 28/12/2015 09:49

I have decided not to say anything it will just escalate and make me look bratty it is probably best left I will mention her dads present but we do person piles no tags so her dad wont have noticed. I feel tonnes better for getting it out and talking it through thanks all

OP posts:

junebirthdaygirl · 28/12/2015 11:19

Agree with beryl. Please don't start looking at the other family. Have seen this with friends. Competition between the grannies over presents for the grandkids getting to a ridiculous level. Major meltdowns as spending Christmas with the other side. Say nothing. Start as you mean to go on. Do not even dream of going there. That way leads to misery!!

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