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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 2 days with PIL is enough

50 replies

fibrecruncher · 27/12/2015 12:15

Ugh, just need a moan. DH is French so his parents are visiting for Christmas. We get on okish but I do find them a tad tedious. We did Christmas at ours with both sets of parents and both of our brothers, then boxing day at my mums. To be fair they are staying with DH's brother but he's buggered off to visit sick girlfriend so we're left entertaining for the 3rd day in a row. I've just had enough and I want some peace and quiet. Also DS has had some sort of tummy bug so has been dreadfully miserable and puking for 4 days. I've just sent DH, DS and PIL out for a walk together and I'm cosyed up on the couch, DH was a bit put out though when I said I wasn't going. AIBU?

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 27/12/2015 12:24

Nope. My tolerance with the in-laws is around 4 hours (preferably split between the 12 closest). They're 250+ miles away so visits tend to be longer but infrequent.

MyNameWasElizaDay · 27/12/2015 12:36

I feel your pain! You are so not BU! Can you hide out with your DS and leave your DH to deal with them? or tell them you have plans with friends tomorrow to give you some time alone? When are they going home?

I am currently hiding in my office from my FIL. He has been here since Christmas Eve and is showing no signs of leaving. I have categorically told DH he has to leave today or I will.

I'm an introvert and struggle with house guests at the best of times but FIL is incredibly hard work, constantly negative, drones on at you for hours and follows you around when you try to escape, never lifts a finger and expects to be waited on hand and foot.

We are going away next Christmas and this thought is all thats stopping me from going postal atm.

MyNameWasElizaDay · 27/12/2015 12:38

God sorry OP I've just made your thread all about me!

I needed to vent and better here than to FIL I suppose

Flowers for you

Original poster
fibrecruncher · 27/12/2015 12:40

Thanks, it's just nice to know there is someone else out there :)

We do usually between 2-5 days at a time. Perhaps it's just the anticipation that getting to me. DH and I had a row this morning - it's the same row we have everytime there is planning involved with his family. DH's brother is a hipster so can't make any plans more than 10 mins in advance, DH mother desperately fussed over everything. They have long discussions in French about all the options and though I am taking lessons I still can't quite keep up. Usually after about an hour of incessant discussions about what to do, I usually get DH in a quieter spot and ask in English - what are the fucking plans? ARRRRGGGGHHH!!

OP posts:
Original poster
fibrecruncher · 27/12/2015 12:43

Elizaday please rant away

OP posts:
Original poster
fibrecruncher · 27/12/2015 12:43

AIBU is often the only thing that keeps me sane in these situations :)

OP posts:
Original poster
fibrecruncher · 27/12/2015 12:46

*fussed = fussing. MIL is constantly fussing I mean, is everything OK, are her boys hungry, tired, hot, cold arrgghh it drives me nuts. She asks is there anything I can do - I say just relax and enjoy yourself.

OP posts:
Original poster
fibrecruncher · 27/12/2015 12:48

Disappointedone, ha. When we stay with them if take a lot of naps and become extremely engrossed in whatever book I'm reading

OP posts:
MyNameWasElizaDay · 27/12/2015 12:51

Oh god that sounds incredibly frustrating, stuck between a free spirit and a fusser speaking a different language!

I think it's bloody rude speaking a language you don't understand in front of you.When FIL fusses like that I end up going off on my own. Would cause too many ructions to make your own plans and go off somewhere with DS?

BendydickCuminsnatch · 27/12/2015 12:53

We are currently on the way from my parents to my in laws. Thankfully we're only staying 2 nights with ILS - my absolute limit. This time last year we were doing the reverse journey after FIL made me cry and cry on Boxing Day and I vowed never to go back there. I'm still reusing to have Xmas day with them ever again. I am so worried about this visit, FIL hates me but won't tell me why despite me asking him to tell me Hmm BIL is turning into him and MIL is lovely but unwell so doesn't really get involved. SIL is lovely and VERY tolerant and a bit meek which needless to say I am not! Ugh I just want to divert and go home :(

Fourfifthsof · 27/12/2015 12:54

YANBU.

You also have my sympathy... My ILs often drive me batshit bonkers.

Wine
Ledkr · 27/12/2015 12:55

I have just learned that my pil will be here frim tomorrow for a few days!
Dh is working and ive a broken arm so can't drive to escape.
Have had peopke here all over xmas and now just want to slob about in pjs eating, drinking and watching TV.
It's dh and dds only chance to see them and they are lovely but it's the constant chat and lack of space I loathe.
I have already invited myself to a friends to drink all day Tuesday and will Prob take dd into town wed.
I feel your pain

DisappointedOne · 27/12/2015 12:55

Disappointedone, ha. When we stay with them if take a lot of naps and become extremely engrossed in whatever book I'm reading

Hotels. ;)

JohnLuther · 27/12/2015 12:59

Spare a thought for me, I'm at my PIL's until Wednesday by which time we'd have been with them for a week.

Thaisa · 27/12/2015 13:07

YA most definitely NBU. My DH was French and this sounds very familiar.

I usually get DH in a quieter spot and ask in English - what are the fucking plans? ARRRRGGGGHHH!!

I used to get that. Also, my in laws and DH would change plans when I had thought everything was decided and I would suddenly find everything had changed. Sometimes I would appear a bit put out when this happened and then I would be the awkward one.

They were overbearing anyway and didn't like me much. The feeling was mutual.

WeAllHaveWings · 27/12/2015 13:20

A busy MIL is a happy MIL, give her something to do and she'll stop fussing. Big pile of ironing? Get her to get ingredients and bake a nice cake or dessert? Play monotony monopoly with DS and FIL?

Original poster
fibrecruncher · 27/12/2015 13:20

BendydickCuminsnatch - best of luck with your FIL.

Ledkr - you poor thing, hope your arm heals quickly.

JohnLuther - you have my sympathies!!

Thaisa - they speak French all the time!! MIL is fluent in English, FIL is not so great but his English is so much better than my French. Sometimes my DH and his brother speak French just the two of them in front of others, they've both lived in England for more than 5 years. I find it so incredibly rude. And they do the changing the plans last minute thing too. It's the worst when we're in France, I spend so much time there clueless!

OP posts:
Alohamora · 27/12/2015 13:22

DH's Mum arrived last Tuesday and leaves this coming Tuesday which is a change to her original plan to stay until well into the New Year.

I get on well with MiL in small doses with 4 days being an ideal visit. However, she comes to us every other year and stays for 2 weeks +. It get wearing after a while as she likes to pass remarks about the hoovering needing done, the dogs bowel habits, the cats food and toilet roll (tubes or the lack of). We can go through almost 30 toilet rolls when she stays!!! I have no idea what she does with it all.

Original poster
fibrecruncher · 27/12/2015 13:24

WeAllHaveWings - good survival tip thanks, yes I have often employed this technique.

I forgot we spent Christmas eve with them too, after I pinned down the hipster to a plan. It's 3 days!! Now we're in our fourth. I just don't want to think about how to please everyone any more.

OP posts:
Thaisa · 27/12/2015 13:47

It's the worst when we're in France, I spend so much time there clueless!

I was exactly the same. None of them could speak any English, or said they couldn't, so I couldn't really accuse them of being rude but God, they were loud. DH had 4 sisters and PIL used to organise huge meals with about 20 or more people at the table (partners and offspring + hangers on) and they would have conversations where they were all shouting. I used to finish up a gibbering wreck and had a headache more often than not from concentrating so hard and trying to follow the conversation.

It's not really on to speak in French in front of others if they can speak English though.

stillnotjustamummy · 27/12/2015 13:53

Oh god yes. We are on day 3 of our press ganged visit to their child hostile home, I've had bags packed to go home since 9am! Just found out they are coming to stay with us for a whole week on 4th Jan. I think I will move out.

MovingSouth · 27/12/2015 13:57

Oh can I join in? Had my mum here since 23rd and in laws since 24th. All want to help and are lovely but I've had enough of people faffing around asking if they should put the tea towels in the washing machine and if it's ok if they make a cup of tea! And handing ds and dd their iPads whenever I'm not looking. We've also had a flood which doesn't help.

Feel mean but have sent them out for a walk and spent a satisfying morning cleaning the kitchen and hoovering, sweeping and putting on laundry. House looks better and I feel more in control.

They will be back soon though....;

minininipie · 27/12/2015 13:57

YANBU. Feel your pain. I've been at French Pil since Wednesday and I'm very ready to leave. I speak English to dd but as they don't speak English whenever I'm taking to her they just talk over me extremely louldy. If dd is asleep they are fussing over something. I don't think my mil knows how to relax or how to stop talking. It's so irritating!

3rdrockfromthesun · 27/12/2015 14:19

YANBU!!! MIL has been here since 23rd with a broken leg! She leaves in 40 mins and I am counting down the minutes!!!!

HesterShaw · 27/12/2015 14:26

That sounds incredibly frustrating - YANBU. My DM has been staying for three days and left this morning. While it was fine, DH and I both heaved a sigh of relief and then pottered off doing our own things for a few hours before the next lot (his family = aaargh!) arrive. While we enjoy a bit of company, sometimes, we're both introverts really so it can be a bit onerous.

DH's brother is a hipster so can't make any plans more than 10 mins in advance - You have no idea how much this made me giggle though :o