Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To think 2 days with PIL is enough

50 replies

fibrecruncher · 27/12/2015 12:15

Ugh, just need a moan. DH is French so his parents are visiting for Christmas. We get on okish but I do find them a tad tedious. We did Christmas at ours with both sets of parents and both of our brothers, then boxing day at my mums. To be fair they are staying with DH's brother but he's buggered off to visit sick girlfriend so we're left entertaining for the 3rd day in a row. I've just had enough and I want some peace and quiet. Also DS has had some sort of tummy bug so has been dreadfully miserable and puking for 4 days. I've just sent DH, DS and PIL out for a walk together and I'm cosyed up on the couch, DH was a bit put out though when I said I wasn't going. AIBU?

OP posts:

HesterShaw · 27/12/2015 14:26

boldfail

helzapoppin2 · 27/12/2015 14:33

I find anything outside of my normal routine very difficult.
Mil has, for years, stayed anything up to four weeks at Christmas. This year she has moved closer to us and retreats to her own place at night. It is utter bliss!

flashheartscanoe · 27/12/2015 14:49

We 'suggested' ours take themselves to the pub and then I started hoovering all around them. They've been gone a while.

Original poster

fibrecruncher · 27/12/2015 15:00

Thaisa - PIL bicker constantly in French, as do my parents but at least I can tell them to shut up.

stillnotjustamummy - I wish you all the best for that week :) the pil are back at the end of Jan for a long weekend.

MovingSouth - feel your pain in the faffing!!

minininipie - I'll be mid-sentanve and the pil will just interrupt as if I wasn't talking.

3rdrockfromthesun - at least you could leave the room and she wouldn't able to follow you :)

OP posts:

DollyParsnip · 27/12/2015 15:07

Nope, definitely NBU. I was supposed to go up to PILs tomorrow but will duck out. Had DH practically in tears due to their thoughtlessness and generally dismissive behaviour to him and DD over Christmas yesterday so have decided to stay here instead of travelling 4 hours plus for more of their inconsiderate nonsense.

In my defence I am due on any moment and will not be able to 'keep it in' as usual due to raging hormones. Therefore I will gracefully duck out and preserve the peace for another year sigh.

DrPiggle · 27/12/2015 15:10

I really know how you feel, OP. We, for the first time since I met DH, had a Christmas without his family involved and it was wonderful.

The plan making thing, yes! And I speak the same language as them, not my first language by I am fluent. Yet I still constantly find myself without a clue what is going on. No one ever seems to bother informing me, never mind ask if it's convenient for me too. Even if it involves me, my house, children or requires me to do things or change plans. It's just assumed I'm going to be available and willing.

Original poster

fibrecruncher · 27/12/2015 15:12

HesterShaw - glad you like that one, I was quite tickled with it myself. As for bold, haven't got the foggiest how to do it myself.

helzapoppin2 - 4 weeks!!! OMG, I would definitely have to go on some sort of retreat. You deserve a medal, you must have saintly patience.

Flashheartscanoe - PIL are taking DS for a walk, I can't get them out of the door fast enough.

OP posts:

Original poster

fibrecruncher · 27/12/2015 15:15

Massive sigh of relief it's not just me and I'm not going completely mad!!

OP posts:

troubleinstore · 27/12/2015 15:19

Just waved goodbye to my PIL.. yaaaaaay! texting SIL later to tell her she has to host her parents for the next six years just like we've done.
My time is done, my house is now my own, and I only have to think about making a drink and food when I want too... bliss!
I feel your pain

MyNameWasElizaDay · 27/12/2015 16:37

My FIL has finally left woo hoo. Have plan in place to avoid a repeat of this years overstay.
to everyone else still suffering

helzapoppin2 · 27/12/2015 16:46

I should add, I am an in law as well as having one. We visited DS for a weekend before Christmas, stayed in a hotel and mostly went out for meals, because I know what it's like!

I got so frustrated with my Mil staying for weeks because I love New Year, and want to have a good clean up after the decs come down and get on with it. One year she stayed until 2nd of Feb and it didn't feel like New Year until she'd gone.

riverboat1 · 27/12/2015 16:55

My ILs usually come to us for 10 days at Xmas...it is just too much but we have failed to find a polite way to tell them they aren't welcome for that long. They live a 5 hour drive away...

The thing is they are perfectly nice but I have nothing in common with them and find them very dull company. And our house is too small. And MIL has this weird thing where she seems to be subtly criticising things I do but I can never decide if it is me being paranoid or not.

So YANBU, I truly sympathise. We had a bit of a different Xmas this year and all met up with other family on neutral ground in a massive house which really diluted the situation.

The only YABU I'd say is that you can't expect them all never to speak French together when you're around, it is their native language and natural language of communication with each other. Though if you are actually talking in a group conversation in English and they switch to French thus excluding you I do think that's rude.

Original poster

fibrecruncher · 27/12/2015 17:23

riverboat1 - exactly the same, I find I've not got much in common with them and find them pretty dull. They're just not into fun things, this sounds terrible but the only game they tell me they played when the kids were young was identifying classic painters from their masterpieces on flashcards. I'm all for baby Einstein but really they are lovely, but for me just a yawn-fest.

As for the speaking French, I have no problem with it. I love the sound of it, am taking classes and join in with basic conversations. It when there is a 20 minute conversation with no translation. Or all plans discussed in French. My DH is terrible it's more likely his brother (the hipster) that will remember I'm in the room and translate. And when it's just there is just my DH and one of his family members who is fluent in English and me in the room I find it rude when they speak in French.

OP posts:

BendydickCuminsnatch · 27/12/2015 17:50

We are still in the car. 7 hours to get to our destination. The PILs were at BIL and SIL's until yesterday, went back to their house, BIL and SIL drove up to PIL's today, and we're joining them now. Thing is, BIL and SIL live and hour from us, so PILs should have just stayed there a couple of days extra, we could have just gone home instead of this 7 hour journey, and seen them all there instead!! Typical crap nonsensical IL planning. Gah.

Ledkr · 27/12/2015 17:52

Mine will arrive tomorrow afternoon.
They will just generally mooch about, drinking tea, planning the next meal or snack, not watching TV but talking when I am, being anal about stuff with dd such as putting a table cloth out and a plate for a banana!
I crave time alone and usually go to bed around 9 to get away from the
Tacking.
Mil will boss dh around as if he's still a child, put your coat on, get your stuff ready for work etc!
Dh is good at zoning out and gazing at the tv while I maje small talk

Ledkr · 27/12/2015 17:54

7 hours oh my goodness!
I get pisssd off at the 3 hour one!

riverboat1 · 27/12/2015 17:55

I sympathise fibre, my DP is French though situation slightly different as I live in France. He is and was absolutely rubbish at thinking to translate conversations for me, and my first year here was very tough - I ended up in tears anin the bathroom at more than one dinner party. OTOH it did really force my French to get up to scratch more quickly than it otherwise would have done, and after a year of misery it all started to click.

I have English friends here with French partners who translate everything for them and otoh feel jealous that they are more thoughtful than my DP but otoh grateful I no longer need much translation anyway!

So maybe try to look on it as a positive somehow...?

DisappointedOne · 27/12/2015 17:59

What is it with in laws and planning? We'll arrange to go up to visit weeks in advance, book hotel, let everyone know and check they're free. PIL will suggest getting everyone (16 people) together for a meal. "Can someone choose somewhere and book?," I'll ask. 3 days before we go up I'll get a message "didn't get round to it and local is fully booked. Can you sort something?" I'm not from there. DH hasn't lived there for over 20 years. How the fuck are we supposed to know where is good? And odds are if its good it won't have availability for 16 with 72 hours notice!

theycallmemellojello · 27/12/2015 18:14

YANBU to feel frustrated, but I have to say that you're not going to improve in French unless you join in with French conversations. I think it's U to expect others to speak in English for your sake if you've got basic French - it's tough, and yes you only understand 10% for what's going, but you will get better and it's absolutely the best way to learn.

Hissy · 27/12/2015 18:24

Op, is your bil's girlfriend sick? Or "sick"?

If I were you I'd suggeat to his parents that they are needed at his side to help him help her...

Or call bil and tell them that's what you'll do if he doesn't come and pitch in...

3rdrockfromthesun · 27/12/2015 18:27

They follow you out of the room?! Why don't you say that you are going to the toilet (and then spend ages on mumsnet?)

unimaginativename13 · 27/12/2015 18:42

I've just done 3 days, I'm now huddled in a corner with my baby telling him that his mummy didn't leave him, just people stole him off her.

We've agreed we won't be seeing people for a long time.

I'm off to google long distance holidays for Xmas 2016

Ragwort · 27/12/2015 18:42

I think your DH should make more effort and do things just with his parents - it's not necessary for you to tag along all the time as well; being brutally honest I am sure the ILs want to see more of their own son than their DIL.

I am always very conscious about not over-burdening my DH with my elderly parents - although he is very kind towards them.

(Un)fortunately my ILs are no longer alive.

Original poster

fibrecruncher · 27/12/2015 19:36

I took a 2hr nap, I'm feeling slightly more sociable. I also told MIL she's in charge of dinner so she's happy.

BendydickCuminsnatch - 7hrs!! Gosh, nightmare.

riverboat1 - well done :)

theycallmemellojello - tis true I just need to knuckle down and work on my French, as it's unlikely to change at any family gatherings.

Hissy - she's sick, the poor girl is recovering from back surgery. She's a new girlfriend the pil haven't met her yet so I think bil is waiting till she's feeling a bit better. That said he's generally only good with spending a couple of days at a time with them and then usually finds some adventure to go off on :)

Ragwort - yes I usually suggest lots of quality time for them. Anyway my DS is much better with them if me and DH aren't around.

OP posts:

BendydickCuminsnatch · 27/12/2015 19:38

To be fair they only live about 4 hours away but the traffic was awful! We're here now and not as bad as I'd imagined but that's because of presents and novelty. DS's first time here as we haven't been invited back since last Xmas (DS is 7 months). Hoping our stay will continue to be only minorly irritating! :)

Flip

1 2